Needing some sunshine

[mzhwd]

Hi Ladies

I'm 27years old and 15 weeks pregnant. My husband left me about 3 weeks after I found out I was pregnant with out first child that we underwent infertility treatments to conceive due to MFI, which was his idea. I am so sad. I cry everyday almost all day. I even have a hard time working. I just want to leave and go far far far away. I had poured so much into starting this family and now the thought of bringing up my child in a single parent household has me thinking of abortion, which 97% of my family is opposed of. The fact that I'm thinking of abortion makes me cry. The fact that I feel so sad and I'm not happy about being pregnant makes me me cry. The fact that I cried and wanted this child for our family and now I feel like I don't want this, makes me feel horrible and I cry. Idk what to do or where to start. I wish I could be happy, but I can't and I'm so tired of feeling sad.

 

[Meezerowner]

Hey to you. You must be going through a lot of emotions plus hormones too.

I have been in a similar situation. I can only say that things will look brighter in time. It doesn't matter that you are so sad now as you need to grieve for your lost relationship and the future as you had planned. But soon you can start thinking about a new future and it will get easier.

I think I took a month off work when it happened to me as I just couldn't function because I was so devastated. I defo had some of the feelings you described.
What I found helpful was reaching out to people who could help (family and friends). Get people to drag you through the bad patch.



Dont lose hope. You worked hard for your baby and that feeling will come back.

 

[mzhwd]

Meekerowner Thanks so much. I'm waiting for it to get easier and trying to find some happiness in this dark time. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who needed some time off work and from life in general.

Hey to you. You must be going through a lot of emotions plus hormones too.

I have been in a similar situation. I can only say that things will look brighter in time. It doesn't matter that you are so sad now as you need to grieve for your lost relationship and the future as you had planned. But soon you can start thinking about a new future and it will get easier.

I think I took a month off work when it happened to me as I just couldn't function because I was so devastated. I defo had some of the feelings you described.
What I found helpful was reaching out to people who could help (family and friends). Get people to drag you through the bad patch.



Dont lose hope. You worked hard for your baby and that feeling will come back.

 

[Meezerowner]

I feel bad for you as I remember being there and it's horrible and confusing and devastating and you wonder how things can ever be better. But they do get better it just happens and it will surprise you.

My ex and I were together for 8 years and I had waited until the right time to try for a baby. We were both 30 and in stable jobs with a mortgage.
I had a MC and then I fell pregnant again on my next cycle. Two weeks after I got my second BFP I found out he was cheating. At the same time I had a SCH and thought I was losing the pregnancy aswell as everything else. I dont think I have ever been so low and hope never to be again. My ex left a few weeks later when I was about 12 weeks. He moved in with this new woman and got her pregnant! His family and mine were scandalised. It was a very bad time for me as I had loads of complications with the pregnancy and had to do it all on my own as my family lived abroad/miles away.

I still resent him for absolutely ruining my pregnancy and taking all the joy away from something I had so looked forward to. Everybody treated my pregnancy like a disaster when it was something I had been planning and anticipating. There was no excitement just sad looks from people. I felt so ashamed even though it wasn't my fault. I lost 10% of my body weight in 1st tri as I could eat from the stress and nausea. My boss was really understanding and I had loads of time off work.

My Mum arrived from abroad to be with me for the birth and she stayed with me helping after they were born for 18 months. When she arrived she was shocked as I hadn't prepared at all for the babies all I had were 2 moses baskets. I just couldn't face doing the normal buying thing that Mums do because I felt so miserable that I was on my own and that FOB should be by my side. I was also petrified that I would lose the pregnancy because of all the complications.

Anyway after they were born it all changed. I'm not saying it got better overnight. But I was so busy and I had the support of my Mum (she is my rock) and the old relationship seemed less important and I found out what I could do as a single parent.

Sorry for life story.... I hope it helps knowing that other people come out the other side?

 

[mzhwd]

OMG Meezerowner THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!! I called myself "Doing It Right" waiting to get married and then waited a few years to try for a baby. All in all we've been together 10 years this October and married for 5 years next month. Idk but I do feel ashamed. We had to proceed with iui due to his low sperm count and low motility. After all of that now this. We're both 27 years old. Right now I'm wishing that I would've never married him. I'm glad to hear that it will get better. I'm awaiting that. Lol I'm also having a girl...due January. I wish that she will come December lol. I am completely overit.com. I'm trying not to stress to much over it. Luckily I haven't ran across any pregnancy issues thus far and I have a ton of family who are excited, but unfortunately I'm not happy. I try to be daily, but it is definitely a challenge. I pretty much hate FOB for taking me through this. He is a shity ass man imo. My family try to tell my to just be glad that he's showing it now rather than when I'm older and in my 50's etc, but I still feel like I've lost so much and he's put me through so much unnecessary drama.

I feel bad for you as I remember being there and it's horrible and confusing and devastating and you wonder how things can ever be better. But they do get better it just happens and it will surprise you.

My ex and I were together for 8 years and I had waited until the right time to try for a baby. We were both 30 and in stable jobs with a mortgage.
I had a MC and then I fell pregnant again on my next cycle. Two weeks after I got my second BFP I found out he was cheating. At the same time I had a SCH and thought I was losing the pregnancy aswell as everything else. I dont think I have ever been so low and hope never to be again. My ex left a few weeks later when I was about 12 weeks. He moved in with this new woman and got her pregnant! His family and mine were scandalised. It was a very bad time for me as I had loads of complications with the pregnancy and had to do it all on my own as my family lived abroad/miles away.

I still resent him for absolutely ruining my pregnancy and taking all the joy away from something I had so looked forward to. Everybody treated my pregnancy like a disaster when it was something I had been planning and anticipating. There was no excitement just sad looks from people. I felt so ashamed even though it wasn't my fault. I lost 10% of my body weight in 1st tri as I could eat from the stress and nausea. My boss was really understanding and I had loads of time off work.

My Mum arrived from abroad to be with me for the birth and she stayed with me helping after they were born for 18 months. When she arrived she was shocked as I hadn't prepared at all for the babies all I had were 2 moses baskets. I just couldn't face doing the normal buying thing that Mums do because I felt so miserable that I was on my own and that FOB should be by my side. I was also petrified that I would lose the pregnancy because of all the complications.

Anyway after they were born it all changed. I'm not saying it got better overnight. But I was so busy and I had the support of my Mum (she is my rock) and the old relationship seemed less important and I found out what I could do as a single parent.

Sorry for life story.... I hope it helps knowing that other people come out the other side?

 

[ClairAye]

Things do start to look up! My ex first left me when my DD was 10 days old, then I stupidly took him back and we split up again when she was 5 months old, for good. It was 99% me on my own and as ashamed as I am to admit it, I regretted having my DD because it was such a hard time. I struggled with her a lot in her first year, I loved her to bits but it was still hard to accept that she was here. I can't even imagine feeling such things now, after she turned 1 things got a bit easier and even though it's still hard I'm happy with how things are right now. I hope things look up for you soon!

 

[Meezerowner]

OMG Meezerowner THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!! I called myself "Doing It Right" waiting to get married and then waited a few years to try for a baby. All in all we've been together 10 years this October and married for 5 years next month. Idk but I do feel ashamed. We had to proceed with iui due to his low sperm count and low motility. After all of that now this. We're both 27 years old. Right now I'm wishing that I would've never married him. I'm glad to hear that it will get better. I'm awaiting that. Lol I'm also having a girl...due January. I wish that she will come December lol. I am completely overit.com. I'm trying not to stress to much over it. Luckily I haven't ran across any pregnancy issues thus far and I have a ton of family who are excited, but unfortunately I'm not happy. I try to be daily, but it is definitely a challenge. I pretty much hate FOB for taking me through this. He is a shity ass man imo. My family try to tell my to just be glad that he's showing it now rather than when I'm older and in my 50's etc, but I still feel like I've lost so much and he's put me through so much unnecessary drama.

Yes, if there is anything I have learned from this experience it is that life has no respect for my plans! I thought I was doing everything the sensible way but I didn't factor in that you can't control what other people will do to screw you up.

I often wish I had never met FOB or wasted 8 years of my life with him, but without him I wouldn't have my twins and I can't imagine that now and so can't regret it (even though it was in hindsight a big mistake).

Congrats on your girl! If there is one thing I suggest it's to *try* and enjoy the pregnancy as much as poss cos that was a huge regret of mine. Do normal things that Mums-to-be do go shopping for baby stuff and join classes, have a baby shower or get someone to throw one for you. I think it's really important particularly as you had to work at getting pregnant that you savour it as much as you can. It will help you bond too.
Also rest up as much as possible because life is gonna change!

Glad your family are on board and are excited for you. Let them help and lean on them too if you need to and let their excitement be catching. They are totally right about how it's better to have had him bail now rather than later.
I thank my stars that it happened to me when it did.... any earlier and my girls wouldn't be here and any later and I ran the risk of being tied to his no-good-self for "the sake of the kids" or because "the kids loved their daddy" etc etc.... He was always a bad partner and he would have made a terrible parent (and I'm not saying that in bitterness) so I feel that it was perfect timing for me although it's taken a while to come to that realisation.
At the beginning you just feel so let down - like all your dreams have been ripped away.... but gradually you become more aware of the positives and it gets better.

You WILL get there too.

 

[baileybubs]

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time Hun. And I agree with the other ladies, life doesn't care what plans we may have!! I had my dd with my ex and he seemed such a doting dad, then when she was 6 months old I became pregnant with my ds and that's when things changed. He became a different person, didn't want to help me, often watched me as I struggled being pregnant with a toddler, and I came to realise I didn't love him any more and it was clear he didn't love me. Truth be told I wish we had split up whilst I was pregnant but I was too afraid, and I too regretted getting pregnant again I'm sorry to say. But now almost a year on I am so happy. Being with my ex was a massive mistake, but then I wouldn't have my beautiful children so I don't regret it. I was so scared of how I could be a single mum of 2 young children but honestly I manage just fine! Instead of being annoyed that my "partner" isn't getting up with the kids or giving me a break I just know that there's only me to do it all and I get on with it. Don't get me wrong I have the odd outburst about how unfair it is that he gets to just abandon all responsibility and leave me do it all, but most of the time I am proud of what I've achieved in the past year. And my kids love me, I get twice the love and attention coz I'm their only parent.

And my kids don't miss their dad at all. In fact my son wouldn't have a clue who he is.

Sadly I still end up in arguments with their dad despite trying to be civil, but I've learned that he's never really going to be there for them and that they aren't losing out by not seeing him coz he would only let them down.

Things do get better Hun, and being a single parent is very rewarding. It's not as scary as you might think.