Needing some support

[Dis3tnd]

Hi all,
I've been lurking around for a while and finally decided to join and post. I have been regular all my life, and always had a fear of infertility, but nothing convincing me - afterall I had 28 day textbook cycles.
Then, I got married - missed my period the next month and thought I'd be having a honeymoon baby - but nope. All of a sudden it had been 5 months and no period - infertility decided to rear its head as soon as we got married and wanted to try.

I'm devastated after just getting another BFN call from my RE's office. This was IUI#1 and everything looked good - 5 mature follicles, 21 mill sperm count post wash day 1, 9 mill day 2. (DH has been diagnosed with mildly low sperm count - but we were told that anything over 5mill for an IUI is great)

Had a question though, the nurse called back and said that beta was negative, 0.5, but my progesterone was high - I am 12 dpiui. I'm not taking any meds and she said to come back in 5 days for a retest if I don't get AF. Any idea why my progesterone may be high? Has this ever happened to any of you?

I had a long cry last night, I knew the beta would be negative cause of an HPT - What keeps you going? I don't know if I ahve the strength for this anymore. It hurts - and seems so cruel - sometimes I wonder what if I had started trying one year earlier....

 

[hollyw79]

I'm so sorry hun I know TTC is the HARDEST thing and takes such a huge emotional toll. It IS still early- implantation can be anywhere from 5 days to 12 days after O ~ so there is for sure still hope! Does your DH take vitamins to help?? My DH had a lower sperm count and we put him on some vitamins which really helped improve the sperm. We DID get preggo not long after but I sadly mc so I'm back TTC again.

I'm not sure about the progesterone hun~ but I hope it works out for you!

 

[Dis3tnd]

Thanks - he is taking vitamins and they seemed to have helped based on the IUI numbers....
I didn't think i would take this time so hard - with the other BFN's there was never the knowledge that the sperm was in the right place, we both really thought this IUI would work.
I've been having a hard day all day at work, wish I could just go home, instead just escaping to the bathroom for mini cry breaks - I can't believe I'm taking it this badly - I feel so weak knowing that so many go through so much more than us....

 

[hollyw79]

I *KNOW* how hard it is.. I went through that whole mess to only go on to lose the baby~ talk about PURE heartache when you have to fight SO HARD just to get pregnant.

Did you take any fertility meds like Clomid or Femara to help boost your odds?

 

[Dis3tnd]

I'm so so sorry for your loss

I took Clomid 100mg - it produced 5 mature follicles all bigger than 18 and then took the HSG shot to induce ovulation. Had the IUI next day, and felt sever ovulation pain about 8 hours after the IUI. Had second IUI the next morning.

Are you doing IUI again this time? We're going to have to sit this month out for IUI cause of a DH's work...

 

[hollyw79]

I'm so so sorry for your loss

I took Clomid 100mg - it produced 5 mature follicles all bigger than 18 and then took the HSG shot to induce ovulation. Had the IUI next day, and felt sever ovulation pain about 8 hours after the IUI. Had second IUI the next morning.

Are you doing IUI again this time? We're going to have to sit this month out for IUI cause of a DH's work...

That is good that things looked good! It doesn't always work first try unfortunately. I hope it happens on your 2nd go around hun!

Were you BD'ing up to the IUI and after???

I am trying naturally for this month. My doc made me wait some after the miscarriage.. had a d&c on 2/16. If I don't get preggo this month (PRAYING!!) I will be taking Femara cd3-8 and doing an IUI probably the 1st week in May. I am going to test this weekend.. 10DPO will be Saturday.. FX'd! I know that's a smidgen early but I am sooo impatient!

 

[Dis3tnd]

We weren't BD'ing up to the IUI, wanted 2 days of abstinence to build up the counts - but we did the night off the second to try and increase chances. Were you BD'ing throughout your process?

Good luck this weekend!

 

[hollyw79]

Yes, for sure we were.. 9 days straight honestly. There are mixed opinions on whether or not to abstain. My doctor said there was no need to abstain more than 24 hours prior to the IUI. Because I wasn't sure if the Clomid would affect my O date~ we started DTD cd9 .. I got a + on CD15 in the morning- I had my DH have sex with me right then and there knowing we couldn't do it that night bc the IUI was the next morning. Then, after the IUI~ later that night we had sex. Sperm can live up to 5 days so it DEFINITELY helps to get some BDing in there the few days before and a day or 2 after!!! My husband had a low sperm count to begin with~ but even WITH doing that~ he had 37 million POST wash which is really good! Of course you would want to keep your doc's advice in mind.. but IMHO~ abstaining more than 24 hours just is NOT necessary! And for sure get some in before AND after!

 

[summer40345]

I had clomid with all 3 of our iui's... I was a mess. Every side effect you could possibly have, I got it. So emotional after all 3 BFN We are now off to try IVF. After 2 weeks of being off clomid I felt more of myself. Hope this helps!

 

[Dis3tnd]

Thanks Summer, good luck with the IVF.

Holly, did you test this weekend? How are you doing?

I'm doing much better now, I've semi-made up my mind to enjoy the summer with DH. Pick up hiking, enjoy the outdoors, amusement parks etc before seriously starting to try again. I keep bouncing back into not wanting to waste the months ttc, but it may just be better for us.

 

[Springy]

Dis3tnd - I know exactly how you are feeling, and you can trust that you are not alone, you are not overreacting and you have every right to be upset about the BFN.

I think I went into my first IUI last month with the false sense of comfort that washing the sperm and putting them up right where they needed to be would do the trick for us. DH and I are unexplained infertility. His SA came back totally normal and 1st IUI we had 55 million post wash on day 1 and 45 million post wash on day 2. I however, only had one mature follicle released with 100mg clomid. We are giving IUI a second try this month and I think that I am going in more guarded and with realistic hopes this time.

Hang in there, don't get too discouraged and believe that it will happen for you!

 

[hollyw79]

Hello my dear

I did.. 12DPO and BFN.. I knew a couple of days ago that I was out.. I didn't *FEEL* pregnant so it was no shock to me. I can understand taking time off- I really do- I never thought TTC would be THIS emotionally draining honestly- and the mc- it's a serious stressor.

So for now.. just waiting for AF to show up to start Femara and go back to IUI! FX'd!

 

[hollyw79]

Dis3tnd - I know exactly how you are feeling, and you can trust that you are not alone, you are not overreacting and you have every right to be upset about the BFN.

I think I went into my first IUI last month with the false sense of comfort that washing the sperm and putting them up right where they needed to be would do the trick for us. DH and I are unexplained infertility. His SA came back totally normal and 1st IUI we had 55 million post wash on day 1 and 45 million post wash on day 2. I however, only had one mature follicle released with 100mg clomid. We are giving IUI a second try this month and I think that I am going in more guarded and with realistic hopes this time.

Hang in there, don't get too discouraged and believe that it will happen for you!

I hope the 2nd time works for you hun!!!

 

[Dis3tnd]

Springy - I think that was what happened with me as well - I just expected it to work, with the numbers looking so good, that I was heartbroken when it didn't. Good luck this time!

Holly - I'm so sorry for your BFN - hopefully this cycle goes better!

Looks like my body decided for me that I have to take a break. Went for my day 3 monitoring today, and got my script for clomid - but the clinic called back and said I can't take it - my estrogen came back at 570 when it should be under 300. Any ideas why my estrogen would be so high?! So looks like I'm forced to sit this month out...

 

[BellaDonna818]

Dis3tnd - I haven't had my first IUI yet, but we've been TTC for about 5 years now. It definitely gets tough sometimes. For me, especially when I see so many other women getting pregnant with so little effort.

I just try to focus on other things in my life. I set other goals for myself that have nothing to do with babies or children. I do a lot of painting, reading, photography, and I'm involved in the theatre. I also decided to go back to school about 2 years ago. It's given me something else to have in my life. This way, the lack of a baby isn't my sole focus in life.

Also, I'm thinking that the drugs you're on are most definitely making you emotional. So don't stress about your being so upset over the failed IUI. Besides, there's always next time.

Btw, you should join one of the message boards like TTC May/June or TTC April (even though it's almost over). It's really helpful even just to read what some of the other ladies are going through and know you're not alone.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Dis3tnd]

Bella - thanks for the support. I hope your iui goes well this month.

My family is very close in that we siblings get together at my mothers a couple times a week - my sister has 2 little ones and my brother just had his first - so its very hard not to be around kids. I love them to pieces and have so much fun with them, it just breaks my heart everytime I have to say bye - especially when the kiddies are just as attached and don't want to say bye either. Seeing my DH being so wonderful with them hurts as well, as I know how great a daddy he would be.

Thanks and good luck!