Nervous about trying for #2

[Starlight32]

My daughter is 16 months and I'm just now finally considering a second. Previously, I thought I only wanted one child (I'm still not certain).

We may casually 'try'- I'm super nervous though.

Anyone is the same boat?

 

[DandJ]

We are in the same dilemma! Our LO is 16 months and DH and I would like another one but we couldn't afford the lifestyle we're living now and I'd have to quit my job (I like working to give me the sanity I need) or find another job that can cover 2 kids in daycare + have money for remaining bills.

We have a year to figure it out as we don't want a huge age gap. I've posed the question about having an only child in a mommy group I'm in and got 50/50 answers.

I also had a rough pregnancy (pre-e, IUGR, kidneys failing) that led to birthing a small newborn that required to stay in NICU for 10 days. So that was hard.

But also, she's been a GREAT baby that slept through the night starting at 4 months and present. Laid back, chill and overall easy baby. If we had another, I'm sure that would be a hellion and be a horrible sleeper. I enjoy my sleep... so I'm torn on so many levels.

 

[Starlight32]

Our daughter was a great sleeper from 2-6 months. Then she was up a lot. She just started sleeping without rocking to sleep a couple weeks ago!

My husband really wants a 2 year gap and I haven't imagined being able to handle another child until recently when sleep here has greatly improved from what it has been.

Also, probably controversial, I would have gender disappointment if I didn't have another girl.

That being said, we BD last night (5 days before o so very unlikely to result in pregnancy). I don't think we will do it again this month. I need more time to think and see how I feel about it next cycle.

I also had a c section and worry about it causing complications in pregnancy.

Let me know if you guys move forward!!!

 

[bump.on.brain]

DH and I are planning to try from the end of December and I am so nervous! I have spent over 2 years thinking about whether to have one child only or another child, when the time would be right for another if we were going ahead etc. and am still no clearer. I think I've realised now that I will never be 100% sure one way or the other.

I don't think it helps that I'm a little bit of a perfectionist, love to plan and have things under control and so tend to over-analyse! After DD I know just how hard having a high needs baby can be so I've given my brain too many things to worry about!

 

[Ginaj]

I feel the same. DD is 5next month so don't want to leave it any longer but am nervous about restarting the newborn/toddler stages as our DD is so good + now she's in school we actually have some money and independence back! Then I think, in the grand scheme of things, if those are the only things I have to worry about... we're in a pretty good place!

 

[Stormynights]

I was in the same boat. I had baby fever, but we were so unsure about starting over again... plus DD was very sick as a newborn and we really don't want a repeat...

I'm an only child though and I absolutely hate it... so I decided I didn't want to do that to my sweet girl. DD will be right around 6 by the time the baby is here... I'm just hoping not to 'steal' her birthday at this point.

She is so dang excited though. I just hope she doesn't change her mind once DD2 is here. I still feel guilty or sad about the idea of it not being just daddy, her and I anymore... she is such a momma's girl.. I don't want her thinking I've abandoned her for the new baby.

 

[bump.on.brain]

I feel the same. DD is 5next month so don't want to leave it any longer but am nervous about restarting the newborn/toddler stages as our DD is so good + now she's in school we actually have some money and independence back! Then I think, in the grand scheme of things, if those are the only things I have to worry about... we're in a pretty good place!

I'd never thought of it that way but you're right... I think it's easy to get obsessed about the nerves so that really helps to put it into perspective.

I was in the same boat. I had baby fever, but we were so unsure about starting over again... plus DD was very sick as a newborn and we really don't want a repeat...

I'm an only child though and I absolutely hate it... so I decided I didn't want to do that to my sweet girl. DD will be right around 6 by the time the baby is here... I'm just hoping not to 'steal' her birthday at this point.

She is so dang excited though. I just hope she doesn't change her mind once DD2 is here. I still feel guilty or sad about the idea of it not being just daddy, her and I anymore... she is such a momma's girl.. I don't want her thinking I've abandoned her for the new baby.

Congratulations Stormy Nights!! It sounds like you've been in a very similar position to me! We have definitely had a lot of uncertainty about trying again and I can imagine I'll have the same worries as you if we do conceive but I honestly don't think your DD1 will think you've abandoned her. Personally I think that's one of the benefits of having a bigger age gap - that DD will be able to understand what is going on and be involved in looking after the new baby!

I read the article below a while ago when googling about trying for a second or not dohh - you might like it!

https://www.ramshackleglam.com/2015/07/30/the-post-i-wish-id-read-before-having-my-second-child/