nervous...

[xxsteffyxx]

I have mediation on thursday. It's an assesment meeting and it's the first one and I'm terrified. I know FOB is gonna flip his lid when he hears what I have to say and what my health visitor has said also.

Health visitor has written a letter stating how she cannot condone overnight stays with harvey being 6 weeks old, she also cannot be happy with the fact harvey being seperated from me for long periods of time.

I know I have to mention it before thursday about the overnight stays in case the first mediation appointment doesn't amount to anything. But... Why am I so scared of him? I know he is going to go mad!

Finally had my number changed now so he can't contact me

 

[george83]

i don't really know what to say but just wanted to offer you lots of support

i can not imagine my baby being away from me at 6 weeks old and the thought of it being a regular thing, i know dad's in general - i don't know about your child's father and the circumstances - should be entitled to access but overnight from such a young age just seems so scary. My husband used to sleep through my son waking up when we were together, i couldn't trust him not to do the same if he had over night access. my poor baby would be crying for hours

 

[xxsteffyxx]

I don't doubt FOB capability of looking after harvey, but the man has been a nasty piece of work since we started organizing access. I have tried so hard to be amicable and have jepadized my OWN happiness so he could have as much time as he could with harvey.

At first I offered monday, tuesday 4-8pm and saturday 12-6 and after he got nasty his mum wrote a very shitty letter stating how he should be getting at least 4 full days a week, plus 2 nights! After a night of tears I let him have mondays and tuesday 4-9pm and friday till saturday (8pm-8pm) he's done this for two weeks now and I can't cope, but I've tried... God knows I have tried! But the other day when I picked harvey up he came into the car all guns blazing 'your taking harvey away from me, I want more time with him! I want half access with him!' I just sat in the front seat. Shivering... I'm not taking harvey away from him... He's trying to take harvey away from me.

On another note - if he doesn't agree to the access, if he does take me to court... He'll be stuffed! FOB has a massive criminal history AND a record of one GBH, if he took me to court and the court saw that they wouldn't even let him have unsupervised access with his son because of his history. This is why I wanted to get it sorted away from court and mediation. Once they see his criminal history he'll only get supervised access

 

[cherry_pie]

Its a horrible situation. I would not have let my son have overnights either at that age! He is only starting now and is almost 8 months. At least you know you are being reasonable, the health visitor knows, and if your ex can't see that then let him take you to court because he is the one who will lose out!! Theres no way it should be half and half, that is no way for a new baby to live, it stays with it's mother and he can have access!

 

[SilasLove]

Do not be scared of him dear! It is not worth your time or worry. Its obvious that in the end you would win, and I know you surely want FOB in Harvey's life but if he is not willing to negotiate and understand where YOU are coming from then its obvious he never will. Such a young baby should not be spending nights away from his mother. Could not imagine parting with my baby for large amounts of time at that age. Best of luck to you! xx

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

first of all, i want to say well done for going the right way about it you say you want to sort access thrrough mediation & outside of court so harvey can spend quality time with his dad & that you don't want it to go to court as he will only get supervised visits .. Well done!! I know alot of women in this kind of situation with an idiot for an ex would take it to court just out of pure spite knowing full well fob wouldn't get unsupervised access due to criminal record, so well done you for putting your feelings aside & putting harveeys best needs infront

Secondly, i don't have much advice hun, just wanted to send lots of as i can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be being away from your baby boy that long at such a young age fob wants to think himself bloody lucky & stop throwing the 'your taking him away' comment .. He is gettingg alot more access now than what he would be if it DID go through court so he should be grateful! Hope mediation goes well hun, let us know x x

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

first of all, i want to say well done for going the right way about it you say you want to sort access thrrough mediation & outside of court so harvey can spend quality time with his dad & that you don't want it to go to court as he will only get supervised visits .. Well done!! I know alot of women in this kind of situation with an idiot for an ex would take it to court just out of pure spite knowing full well fob wouldn't get unsupervised access due to criminal record, so well done you for putting your feelings aside & putting harveeys best needs infront

Secondly, i don't have much advice hun, just wanted to send lots of as i can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be being away from your baby boy that long at such a young age fob wants to think himself bloody lucky & stop throwing the 'your taking him away' comment .. He is gettingg alot more access now than what he would be if it DID go through court so he should be grateful! Hope mediation goes well hun, let us know x x

 

[xxsteffyxx]

Mediation tomorrow and I have already found out that even once we go through mediation he still won't get unsupervised access now. Due to Harvey's age...

I tried, even today gave him oppurtunity to organize access before it went into mediation, but he truly believes he will get his 4 days and 3 nights by saying that I'm a bad mum, spent first week of harvey's life in bed (I had a c-section) and that I don't want to be a mum. With no hard evidence...

Wish it didn't come to this

 

[judge12]

He sounds like a total idiot who is making things worse for himself!

He is lucky you are even wanting to sort this out between yourself. 6 weeks is too young to spend the night away from his mother so if fob wants make things worse for himself, let him. Idiot

 

[SilasLove]

^^ wss

Let him screw himself honey, obviously he has no sense.

 

[xxsteffyxx]

Well today is the day...

I've come to a descion to not allow unsupervised visits until Harvey is 6 months old. And definetly no overnight stays. I think I have come to the right descion after spending hours thinking last night.

Harvey's dad has no job and lives in a box room at his mum he said to me I had to be flexible to allow him to attend interviews etc so if he has harvey maybe a few hours each week, well he can focus on getting a job and suppoirting his son can't he?

He has a history of drug abuse, violence and GBH so I think I have grounds in which to support my descion.

Does anyone think I'm being too harsh?

 

[LJaydow]

Well today is the day...

I've come to a descion to not allow unsupervised visits until Harvey is 6 months old. And definetly no overnight stays. I think I have come to the right descion after spending hours thinking last night.

Harvey's dad has no job and lives in a box room at his mum he said to me I had to be flexible to allow him to attend interviews etc so if he has harvey maybe a few hours each week, well he can focus on getting a job and suppoirting his son can't he?

He has a history of drug abuse, violence and GBH so I think I have grounds in which to support my descion.

Does anyone think I'm being too harsh?

Not too harsh at all. I wouldnt be letting him have him unsupervised given his history and how he and his mum are acting with you now. Harvey is far too young to be away from you for any length of time.

My ex has Jack on Saturdays and Sundays from 12-7pm, not overnight. I dont know when the right time to bring the overnight thing up!

x

 

[angelpkj]

you stand your ground!
do not be bullied by him

whatever you say now will be held agaisnt you later-so make sure you dont say somethin just cause he intimidated you

if you dont want unsupervised visits then don't feel u have to give them to fob spesh if u good reason

 

[xxsteffyxx]

Well call me a pushover, but allowed him the unsupervised access. I am giving him an oppurtunity to show me he can do it.

He has been granted 12 hours now. Sunday 4-8pm, Tuesday & Wednesday 4-8pm and I am 'ok' with this. No overnight stays anymore - thank god! it's still so hard being seperated from Harvey for 12 hours, but I have to let his dad see him I guess