Never been so close to throwing the towel in

[Pearls18]

I BF DS1 until 9 months, we were both ready to stop then I know it is shorter than what a lot of others would do but I had no guilt whatsoever. This time BF has been so much more of a struggle, his weight gain is fine, he's mostly content. But feeding is so stressful, I won't go into why as I have done so many times already. I'm currently going dairy free but I'm pretty sure he has a latch issue anyway, but the MW has said no TT issue (but don't trust her experience). I'm not sure I have the energy to go down the route of finding a private specialist. I've always hated BF, I hate the feeling, I hate the responsibility but I'm not sure I could handle the guilt of going to formula when I know it doesn't compare to the content of BM, especially when I persevered for DS1 and when DS2 is thriving despite feeding times being a struggle. I feel like BF robs me of my enjoyment of my baby, but I've always felt his health was more important. I just want this stage to be over, I hate it

 

[the why bird]

Oh sweetie. I feel your frustration.

Do what you have to do. Only you know whether it's worth it to you. With my daughter I had every problem in the book and ended up expressing until she was 9 months. In my mind, breastfeeding was the best thing I could do for her, but looking back I was a zombie and I was very unhappy and exhausted. If we have problems again I will switch without guilt because in retrospect, my health is important too. If I'm suffering, I'm not being as good a mummy as I want to be.

Not saying this to persuade you to give up. I just want to provide some perspective with my own experience, since it's taken me a long time to deal with my guilt and conflicting feeling. You have to decide what's best for everyone in the family, not just the baby, and only you know whether that's persevering or switching or combo feeding or whatever.

Good luck with your choice, whatever you pick.

 

[annio84]

Obviously baby's health is very important but breastfeeding is not the only thing that contributes to that. A happy healthy mummy is also important for a happy healthy baby. The fact that you have breastfed at all is amazing but if what's best for you and baby now is not to continue then that's ok. I'm all for breastfeeding but there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. We women need to stop guilting ourselves and each other over it - it's not poison. If you choose to stop there is nothing to feel guilty for. If you don't want to stop then maybe consider getting some more support - LC or maybe a bf group, maybe consider expressing some of the time and set yourself shorter goals , that way it doesn't seem so insurmountable and if you decide to stop after reaching one of the small goals you've still reached the goal. Whatever you decide to do you're doing a great job!

 

[missk1989]

I think what your doing is great and i BF my lo for 17months so am totally with you on its benefits but I also believe that your experience in these first few months is more important. I believe that the bond between mother and baby is stronger when both are happy and i think that if you switched to formula what your lo isnt getting in nutrition they gain in love. I dont feel that bf is worth your happiness and i think you have done really well considering you hate it so much.

 

[lau86]

This is how I felt with ds1 as he had a tongue tie which was late to be diagnosed and basically ripped my nipples to shreads. In the end I decided the guilt over switching would be too much (especially as like your LO he was doing well on breastmilk), and carried on. He refused a bottle anyway so I gave up at what I felt was the first opportunity, about ten months.
Tbh I don't enjoy bfing, I am not confident to feed in public either so it's difficult. I don't want to make bottles though and although this sounds pathetic, I'm a bit scared of formula because ds1 always vomited it back.

I know from seeing your other posts you feel very strongly about bfing so I imagine you will continue but don't feel guilty of you do decide to switch. After enjoying my cheese on toast today I think I would have a hard time going dairy free

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

I'm another one who doesn't paticularly enjoy it. I just Do it because I know it is the Best thing to do and because I can it makes me feel quilty to Stop. I can't feed in public as doing things in public is hard enough for me because of my anxiety so I can't even imagine popping my boob out haha. This makes every day a nightmare.. are you expressing at all? I feel better if I get to miss at least one feed a day it shifts some of the responsibility etc. As awful as it sounds I am counting down the days until I can cut down feeds and then stop. I stopped bf my first at 6 months so I was hoping to make it that far!
On the plus side I love not having to get out of bed to fuss with bottles at 2 am etc

 

[Pearls18]

Thank you everyone I appreciate the comments. We've actually had a better 24 hours, he's fed well, slept better and he's not even sicking up much and his skin is clearer. Maybe the dairy is the key. I'm going to do small milestones, tomorrow is 12 weeks, 20th is 3 months, my husband is back march 26th....then I will take it from there!

I don't have anyone to feed him right now and I've lost the bloody little white bit integral for the pump, so I need to get a new one argh!