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Never in my entire time ttc have I ever been so hurt.

Molae06

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Me and dh passed our 7 year ttc mark last month. On the 4th of July, dh's b-day, during the b-dy party I threw for him, my little brother and his gf announced they are expecting. It's no secret we have been ttc and what a struggle it's been, so I don't see how this was even deemed an appropriate time to announce.

My problem lies here, my brother and his gf do not have jobs, they live with and off of my parents, neither of them have their GED, my brother quit high school in 10th grade and his gf dropped out right after 8th grade, they have $0, they both had been drinking everyday/night and smoking weed all day/night, and....wait for it...they've been together 3 months.

They both know how babies are made, she actually had a baby that she gave up for adoption 3 years ago, and they told us all this was done on purpose, what they wanted and were trying to do. :growlmad:

My major problem lies here, on the 6th, my sister and mom "suggested" to me that they think me and dh should adopt the baby, I told them that's all up to them, that I can't force anyone to do anything. I really didn't want anyone putting that in my head, even though I was already thinking it. So yesterday was when everything really sunk in and my dad and I got into a huge fight and I don't think I am ever going to talk to my mom, dad, brother, his gf, any of them ever again. So my mom texted and said "They want you to adopt the baby, are you and dh still interested?" of course my heart jumped for joy and I texted back right away "Of course, if that's what they are thinking, we would be more than happy", about 15 mins goes by and i get a text back from my mom saying "Sorry, I was just talking stupid, it was a joke". :growlmad::cry::growlmad::cry::growlmad: Really?? What kind of joke is that? I still can't believe she said something like that. Meanwhile I flipped out on my dad and told him to quit encouraging his son and "other daughter" (that's what he calls her, he has known her for 3 mos.) so that my mom is now going to have yet ANOTHER person to support. My dad went on and on about how I need to "pull my head out of my ass and grow up and understand that life isn't fair" he also said all I sound like to everyone is "poor me, poor me" and want everyone to feel sorry for me. He told me everything is on "God's time" and if "God wanted it to happen it would" and that spending thousands of dollars on fertility treatments trying to change fate is stupidity. I don't think I have ever felt actual hate for my family until now. I actually hate them. No one understands. They don't get it. And for that, I absolutely fucking (excuse my language), hate them. What should I do?

Also, my dad also suggest that I "talk to someone" I said like who and he said your cousin, because she had the same problems as you, but eventually the baby came when the timing was right, it is all about the right timing. Back story, my cousin had a cyst on her ovary and had it removed in high school, got pregnant by a guy she was with for a little under a year, that was the reason they got married and she has had a baby like clock work about every year and a half, she has 3 kids now, NO FERTILITY PROBLEMS whatsoever. This is where more of my hate comes from, how can they compare someone who is as fertil as a flipping guinea pig to me? Saying "she had the same problems"...there are no problems, I think they are all delusional.
 
My goodness, what an awful situation. Sounds like they don't get it at all. And fancy playing with your emotions like that. Life is unfair, no one needs telling that, especially us LTTTCers. I am sorry you are going through a hard time. Maybe your situation is so alien to them they just can't relate in any way, which is why they are being so hurtful, they just don't/ can't understand.

I hope things improve for you, sorry I can't be much help :hugs:

xx
 
OMG, I can't believe your family is so clueless and insensitive! :hugs::hugs::hugs: I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to them ever again. Have they always been so callous toward you on other matters?

I don't know the history between you and your family, but I think taking a break from your family would do you some good. I couldn't imagine having to deal with IF, on top of your brother's new pregnant girlfriend, on top of family that doesn't get how painful this all is for you. You need someone you can talk to about these issues, not someone who is just going to make it all worse. If not a friend or a truly sympathetic family member, then a therapist.

In the meantime, you can determine whether your family is toxic enough in general to cut off all ties with them. If they are loving and supportive to you in other matters, I think in time you might want to reconcile with them, but perhaps make clear that you do not want to discuss your TTC efforts with them anymore.
 
I am reading your post but I cant believe what I am reading... I am so so sorry you have to deal with this, it's unimaginable pain, 7 years TTC is enough to get anyone lose any will to carry on and go into deep depression but having a family like that to make your situation even more painful is just too much. I have insensitive friends whom I had to cut off because I do not need any extra pain on this tough TTC journey but family, you cant cut them off completely but if you can limit your communication with them it might be of some benefit and may bring you some comfort. they might be thinking that this will make you stronger but they do not realise how fragile we are and how easy it is to break us.
 
I am so sorry to hear what you've been through and that your own family can be so unkind and insensitive. :hugs: Thinking of you. Although it doesn't feel like it now, you will get through this awful time xx
 
Big crazy hug.

I am so sorry for your crazy family. I think you are absolutely right in wanting to take a break from them.

I am probably being really sensitive and angry about this and I do apologize if this offends you in any way but I am sorry to say this but your Mother sounds like a bitch and your Father sounds like a … EDIT!!! Was way inappropriate even for a rant as I don't know your parents.
How could your mother even think that joking about adopting your niece or nephew would be funny? How completely insensitive and hurtful of her. Obviously I don't know your family but my general rule in life is that I only surround myself with people that make my days better and people that lift me up. I know that family crap is family crap and it just comes with having parents and whatnot but this is way to much. They should be supporting you and being there to listen and comfort you in times of pain. Not telling you to suck it up and that it is God’s choice to not give you a child.

I am an older sister and I think that it is totally to smack my younger sibling every once and awhile when they are making bad decisions. This should be your parents role but they are obviously failing at setting any expectation for your brother. It is understandable and reasonable for you to think that what they are doing and how they are living their life is not how they should be. The fact that life is unfair is not the point with you being upset about your brother and his situation.

I am so sorry for your crazy family. I think you are absolutely right in wanting to take a break from them, maybe even a permanent one.
 
Hugs hunni, I can't blame you for feeling so hurt, your family sound complety clueless and very insensitive.

I just want to send a hug x
 
Um, WOW. I'm sitting here trying to think of something constructive to tell you - but words are kind of failing me right now...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think it's in your best interest to take a break from your family right now. It's concerning that they don't understand how difficult this is for you. And how inappropriate that "joke" suggestion was - even if you weren't 7 years TTC. Who jokes about giving up their kid?

I agree with a PP - surround yourself with supportive people who make you feel good. At least for now - your family are NOT these people.

:hugs: to you. Maybe it's time for a mini get away for you and hubby? :)

xo
 
I definitely echo what previous posters have said, take a much needed break from this "family" of yours. I wish I had some golden words of advice but I don't :nope: Unfortunately we're stuck with the families we're born into but we DON'T have to tolerate negative attitudes/behaviors from anyone, blood or not.
If I were you I'd let your parents know exactly how they made me feel and my point of view. If they fail to see their wrongs then it'd be best to cut them out of your life or at least not deal with them as frequently or in depth.
I've had to do the same with my parents and siblings at times and luckily we were able to mend our relationships after really discussing the feelings involved.
I wish you ALL the luck TTC and in life in general. You deserve your happiness :flower:
 
Me and dh passed our 7 year ttc mark last month. On the 4th of July, dh's b-day, during the b-dy party I threw for him, my little brother and his gf announced they are expecting. It's no secret we have been ttc and what a struggle it's been, so I don't see how this was even deemed an appropriate time to announce.

My problem lies here, my brother and his gf do not have jobs, they live with and off of my parents, neither of them have their GED, my brother quit high school in 10th grade and his gf dropped out right after 8th grade, they have $0, they both had been drinking everyday/night and smoking weed all day/night, and....wait for it...they've been together 3 months.

They both know how babies are made, she actually had a baby that she gave up for adoption 3 years ago, and they told us all this was done on purpose, what they wanted and were trying to do. :growlmad:

My major problem lies here, on the 6th, my sister and mom "suggested" to me that they think me and dh should adopt the baby, I told them that's all up to them, that I can't force anyone to do anything. I really didn't want anyone putting that in my head, even though I was already thinking it. So yesterday was when everything really sunk in and my dad and I got into a huge fight and I don't think I am ever going to talk to my mom, dad, brother, his gf, any of them ever again. So my mom texted and said "They want you to adopt the baby, are you and dh still interested?" of course my heart jumped for joy and I texted back right away "Of course, if that's what they are thinking, we would be more than happy", about 15 mins goes by and i get a text back from my mom saying "Sorry, I was just talking stupid, it was a joke". :growlmad::cry::growlmad::cry::growlmad: Really?? What kind of joke is that? I still can't believe she said something like that. Meanwhile I flipped out on my dad and told him to quit encouraging his son and "other daughter" (that's what he calls her, he has known her for 3 mos.) so that my mom is now going to have yet ANOTHER person to support. My dad went on and on about how I need to "pull my head out of my ass and grow up and understand that life isn't fair" he also said all I sound like to everyone is "poor me, poor me" and want everyone to feel sorry for me. He told me everything is on "God's time" and if "God wanted it to happen it would" and that spending thousands of dollars on fertility treatments trying to change fate is stupidity. I don't think I have ever felt actual hate for my family until now. I actually hate them. No one understands. They don't get it. And for that, I absolutely fucking (excuse my language), hate them. What should I do?

Also, my dad also suggest that I "talk to someone" I said like who and he said your cousin, because she had the same problems as you, but eventually the baby came when the timing was right, it is all about the right timing. Back story, my cousin had a cyst on her ovary and had it removed in high school, got pregnant by a guy she was with for a little under a year, that was the reason they got married and she has had a baby like clock work about every year and a half, she has 3 kids now, NO FERTILITY PROBLEMS whatsoever. This is where more of my hate comes from, how can they compare someone who is as fertil as a flipping guinea pig to me? Saying "she had the same problems"...there are no problems, I think they are all delusional.

I'm so sorry they have been like this towards you, they really don't get it do they?

I spent years putting up with this kind of thing, I know how you are feeling.

I can't offer any advice, as I know its never usually helpful, but was shocked by what I read and wanted to tell you I am sorry and hope you and your DH can support each other through this. The adoption thing is cruel, what were they thinking? That's shocking.

I was told the same that I couldn't change fate etc and it would happen when it happens. IVF is against god etc etc... I was lucky and IVF worked for me.. I am still angry though sometimes when I think of what people said to me at that bad time of my life, people just don't understand.

I hope you will get that so deserved baby very soon. x
 
I would cut them all off. Without hesitation. My dad would constantly ask me when we were having a baby, and always tried to give "advise" like how if I lost 10lbs he bet it would help, or if you just relax and stop worrying about it, etc - I finally told him he needed to stop because it wasn't that easy and I have a million things working against me. He apologized and said he didn't know he was hurting my feelings, he was just trying to help.

Your parents? That is not them trying to be supportive in their own way, or even helpful or moderately understanding. Your brother and his tramp are both train-wrecks and your parents are horrible for saying waht they did - and your MOTHER, or all people!?!? YOUR MOTHER - playing a "joke"?! No way - I would write them both off without having a second thought about it.

Delete their numbers and chalk them up as a memory my dear, you do NOT need toxic people in your life while you're LTTTC. It's just nothing you need to deal with. If they're not helping, they're hurting.
 
So sorry for you. :growlmad:

Don't be too worried about them, just ignore them all for a while, I'd say. I do sincerely empathise with you.
In the first place, how do they know your fate and conclude that you can't make babies? it will happen,and you will see that things will just fall into place. Don't get disheartened, everything happens for a reason.

I have never seen people being ruthless and crack such jokes, that too your own mamma! You deserve your own, and things will change. Keep hope.


Loads of baby dust & hope. Take care.
 

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