New and need some feedback

[Silverkey554]

Hi there I'm new here & just looking for some opinions. My husband (28) and I (26) have been married a little over 3 years, together over 10. I have been a nurse for 4 years and he just recently started a job after finishing his MBA. Originally we decided to wait to ttc until our 5th wedding anniversary, but last year I started to get the itch. I have always hated the pill, so in August we agreed to only use condoms. In December my period was about 3 weeks late - I'm never really regular, but never that late. I began to get really excited and used to the idea of being pregnant. When I did get my period, it was really painful, heavy, etc and I was worried I miscarried? But was too nervous to take a pregnancy test. Since then I have had this kind of illogical/irrational urge to be pregnant. It is all I think about/research in my spare time. My husband has said he is not ready to try until late next year, but at the same time says 'if it happens it happens', so we have been tracking and pulling out/abstaining throughout the month. 1. I'm worried when he says he isn't ready, but if it happens it happens - because if it does I will be so thrilled, but will he resent me? 2. Has anyone else felt this crazy urge? I almost feel empty inside like nothing I do to distract myself can satisfy the need. My husband just thinks I'm depressed . I know I'm 'still young & have time' but it doesn't change the way o feel - we have a house, debt free, etc. Anyways, I didn't know where else to talk about it - so thanks for reading my rant - any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

 

[MissF]

Hi Silverykey! I completely understand how you feel! Though I am a bit older (32 eeek) we are still waiting to try until probably early next year. I didn't want to read and dash and so thought I would let you know you aren't alone! (This is my first post) I often hope that we have an "oops" and end up pregnant and with that am often quite disappointed to the point of crying when af arrives. Sorry I don't have any advice to give :/

 

[wtbmummy]

Welcome to bnb.
And yes before we had even got married I became broody. Of course we wanted to get married first and even despite planning the wedding it was ALWAYS on my mind. It's a horrible feeling and I understand. Nothing will ever make me forget the aching. But I joined this site the same month we got married and it really really REALLY helped. I also focused on myself, improved my diet, completely stopped having alcohol, lost some weight etc.. and i got my dh on it too making healthier options. I constantly researched EVERYTHING about pregnancy and being a mother. You will get there before you know it. Your not crazy at all just a mother without a baby. Your time will come, keep strong and keep on doing your researching and come to bnb often to help you get your thoughts out

 

[Sakura15]

I can identify, silverkey. One challenge in committed relationships is that you're not always on the same page. One minute you are, but then something changes and youre not. It hasn't been easy waiting for oh to catch up on the TTC issue. I unexpectedly got pregnant last year but it ended in an early loss. As devastated as I was, what I did not enjoy was the uncertainty because oh was NOT ready when I showed him those 2 lines. I am thrilled to have the chance now to both be on board.

That said, if he is comfortable with the withdrawal method and says if it happens it happens, then take him at his word. If he felt very strongly that he would not be happy with a baby in the near future, he would go for a more fool-proof form of BC.

And crazy urge? Most definitely. I've been in and out of crazy phases over the last couple of years. There's been lots of changes in my life to distract me from time to time but it always comes back. But my distractions have been constructive - Ive moved countries, changed jobs, working on my master's, traveled a lot, so I don't regret the wait now at all. Ive also improved my emotional health through mindfulness and making a conscious effort to value the present moment instead of longing for the future. Hasn't made it easy, but at least manageable.

 

[Odlewis]

I completely understand your natural urge to be mother but I can feel the side of your husband too. If he is saying if it happens then it happens, that means he has made up his mind to be father at one point of time but don’t want to give it active try yet. Ambivalence about making the leap into parenthood is extremely common. Have your asked him why he want to wait, maybe he needs to focus more on his new job, new responsibilities. I think patient discussion with him to know his reasoning and explaining how you feel about this whole thing, would show you some midway. Or go see a counsellor after mutual discussion, if you feel that your husband and you are starting to resent each other.

 

[EmmySocks]

I know it's tough

I had a similar pregnancy scare in September last year and since then my broodiness has been unrelenting. I've got better at managing it but it still sometimes gets on top of me. My husband is similar in that he says if we were to have an accident it would be fine but he doesn't want to try right now.

After September, we made it worse for each other because i was so gutted that i wasn't pregnant and he was relieved, we both spent a lot of time reassuring each other. We talked about why we wanted a family and we talked about why he felt we weren't ready. (He felt we had more to do before starting a family- buying a house, more savings..) We came up with a plan that suited both of us - so we could achieve these goals and agreed on ttc date - we're ttc Jan 2016

Maybe it would help to discuss with your hubby why he feels you're not ready and what you need to achieve before you are. You could make a list of goals and set a provisional ttc date? That way you'll feel like you're progressing and working towards ttc rather than it just being an 'in the future' thing. Good luck xxxx

 

[atiekay]

I have always really wanted to be a mom, even when I was in highschool I made my future plans around that. I knew getting married would make that desire more intense but I really didn't expect this. I often go through a month hoping for a 'surprise' and am disappointed when there isn't one. Some times I just really have to take a minute and readjust my perspective. I have expressed to my husband exactly that whole resentment thing if there is a surprise. Maybe just chat with him about that? I can't speak for your hubby, but mine says he isn't ready and on further investigation it turns out he is just really scared. He has basically said it would be easier if there was a surprise because planning it scares him more. Hope this long rant was helpful!

 

[wtbmummy]

I have always really wanted to be a mom, even when I was in highschool I made my future plans around that. I knew getting married would make that desire more intense but I really didn't expect this. I often go through a month hoping for a 'surprise' and am disappointed when there isn't one. Some times I just really have to take a minute and readjust my perspective. I have expressed to my husband exactly that whole resentment thing if there is a surprise. Maybe just chat with him about that? I can't speak for your hubby, but mine says he isn't ready and on further investigation it turns out he is just really scared. He has basically said it would be easier if there was a surprise because planning it scares him more. Hope this long rant was helpful!

Totally agree with what you have have said in regards to your husband. Mine felt exactly the same. Infact I commented on a different post a few weeks ago and my dh said I was spot on when I said. "Men do not care about ttc they want to dtd and bam your pregnant, dont forget all men want to know they have good swimmers. And men do not want to go through all the ins n outs like us, its to stressful for them" so I have learnt that most men are happy for us women to chart, temp etc.. but not to ruin the moment by mentioning it I guess lol
I also have noticed from lots of threads and my own dh that basically if they are on board and you come off contraception when they are ready they will stop using condoms/pulling out. They already know the risks so just go with the flow