new mummy seeks feeding help!!!

[beatnick]

hello girls

I had my little boy last sunday and so far he has gone completely mad every time i have tried to breast feed him. He literally screams and is clearly really distressed.

I think a) my flat nips dont help and b) he was delivered by ventouse which can mean they have issues with feeding coz of the headache!

I have been expressing to feed him which has made me feel better but i am starting to struggle to keep up with his needs now.

I have been topping him up with a bit of cow and gate when he gets hungry and i am out of milk.

I feel pretty terrible but the expressing regime is starting to bloody kill me. I am so tired anyway and the thought of getting the pump out and straining my boobs into action is just sending a shiver down my spine.

My husband seems very dissapointed although assures me that he can see me trying and that DS clearly does not want my boob.

I am starting to lean towards going FF and a bit of expressed but i just feel like the whole world will frown at me.

I need some advice from people who have more open experiences about this. I am sick of midwifes grabbing my nips and telling me to persevere. I am starting to get really stressed about this which might make things worse.

.....need to feel ok...please help!

 

[x__Hannah__x]

I would try to give him a little bottle of cow and gate and see how he takes to it, if he takes to it well and you feel you can't breastfeed then you shouldn't feel guilty for switching over

 

[Hen]

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!! You have clearly tried really hard to get the breastfeeding to work and sometimes it just doesn't. Someone said to me that breastfeeding is a partnership, and it requires both halves of the partnership to get it right in order for it to work. I struggled with feeding Lottie for 2 weeks (then 5 weeks combined) and I got to the stage where I didn't want to be near her or near the pump ever again!!

People will judge you for your decision, in the same way as they will judge every parenting decision that you make but at the end of the day if he won't latch, there's nothing you can do to force him. They may only be little but they are quite determined sometimes!!

I ended up expressing a couple of feeds a day and ff the rest of the time. We are now totally ff as it was so difficult to find a regular time to express and guarantee she was going to be asleep!

Any guilt you feel about your decision will eventually fade, now I just feel quite sad about the whole thing.

 

[beatnick]

thanks ladies

i feel like i am the only person in the world who has a baby that doesnt want to feed and doesnt have a "medical" reason.

he has lost weight (normal range) and i am seeing the MW tomorrow for a weigh in and i think if he has lost more that will make up my mind.

I think i will feel so much better when i know what i am doing.

 

[BrookieG]

hun my son was the exact same, he would go purple he'd be that upset when i was trying to get him to latch...i had god knows how many mws squeezing my boobs for the tiniest drops of collostrum and it was soul destroying....the first 4 days of my sons life imo were traumatic for him, all he knew was sleeping with a hungry tummy, screaming, and i mean screaming with frustration coz he could obv smell my milk but couldnt get it and i dreaded him being awake coz i knew the distress it caused him and the utter agony i was in trying to feed....i spoke to my mw when i came home and i switched to ff....instantly i felt better, i knew my son would have a full tummy, i wouldnt be in agony and more importantly i could enjoy being a mummy, i could look forward to him stirring so i could feed him....i have an unbelievable bond with my son so dont let things like that worry you either hun. You have tried and it just didnt happen no-one and i mean no-one can judge you for that! Ive had a few ppl both online and in person looking down their noses at me coz "breast is best(!)" well i would rather a son growing healthily with a full tummy of formula than a poor little soul who was constantly hungry coz of the lack of milk! The HV was talking to me yesterday about my feelings of "failing" to BF...lol firstly i told her i didnt fail i gave him collostrum for the first 3 days of his life! I tried! she asked if i was still producing milk so could give it another shot....ive never had milk ive never leaked and never had any come away fromo me when i tried to push it out in the shower so she agreed that id done the right thing coz the latching was obv poor that my milk supply was never established....dont let anyone judge you hun you are doing the best by your son and yourself....im so much happier and i enjoy my son...the feeling of not wanting him to wake up solely because i didnt want to feed destroyed me...he's happy, im happy and my hubby is happy coz he's not seeing his son in distress and me in agony and distraught....do whats tright for you hun...xxx

 

[beatnick]

thats the best paragraph i have read in a week.

one of the midwifes even said "do you not WANT to breast feed?"

i have just expressed and my husband is feeding him, and we are going out this afternoon. I am going to take a bottle of c&g with me.

I think I am going to switch between the two a bit and give my boobs a break.

 

[beachlover1]

hi there, please dont feel guilty....i had exactly the same thing. Freddie was 4 weeks early and couldnt breast feed for the life of him....no matter how hard MW squeezed my boobs and nips. It was torture, a screaming baby, weighing 5lb and they would rather i give him 2 drops of colostrum than a proper feed. I did express all ,y colostrum and syring feed him and then demanded top ups from a cup. When i got home i tried and tried to BF at the same time as cup feeds....it never worked so i moved to APTAMIL and tommee tipee bottles.

Freddie has gained loads of weight, will now also BF morning and night too, but to be honest its more of a comfort thing (theres hardly any milk, and never has been even when i had my nipples crushed to a pulp!!)

Dont be hard on yourself, millions of babies a bottle fed they thrive....and hey everyone can help you feed!!! I was desperate to BF, its not our fault we cant!!

My HV had the same problem as i had.....its been a breath of fresh air not having BF rammed in my face!!!!

 

[RHR]

Hi hun, when my dd was born I tried bf and she couldn't latch on properly. I tried expressing to feed her and couldn't keep up with her needs. In the end I decided to ask for a bottle of Cow and gate to give her as I knew she was really hungry. The midwife told me she wouldn't drink much as she'd been getting enough of my milk. However when we gave her the bottle she gulped half of it down.

She's been formula fed ever since. For us it was the best and right decision. Please don't feel guilty or let any one make you feel guilty about not being able to bf.

I love what Hen has said: "Someone said to me that breastfeeding is a partnership, and it requires both halves of the partnership to get it right in order for it to work." I personally 100% agree with this.

My DD is thriving on being formula fed and it's nice to be able to let my OH feed her as well as other family members.

 

[Odd Socks]

*hugs*
bella's 3 weeks 4 days & we tried breastfeeding exclusively up until 12 days. she was screaming & fighting every time we tried to get her to feed, & i was getting upset, hearing all these people who could breastfeed, & i felt such a failure because surely this should be the most natural thing in the world. a couple of sensible midwives then told us she was starving hungry, which explained the 5+ hours of continuous screaming each night & screaming the whole time she was awake & we started on formula late in the night on day 13. bella was like a changed baby.
i've been expressing since then as well (i was expressing before too because she'd never feed from my left side), but like you, really don't like expressing. i'm expressing less these days, but usually manage 1-2 feeds a day of breastmilk. i keep getting to the stage where i'm ready to give up, but i'm desperate to try breastfeeding again, & am going to speak to someone on tuesday at the breastfeeding clinic.
i feel guilty for feeding her formula, even though i can see she's a million times happier now she's getting enough to eat, but i think because i had planned all along to breastfeed, it's made me feel like a failure not being able to do so.
xx

 

[mrsthomas623]

Oh hun please do not feel guilty! My LO would not latch properly even with two lactation specialist messing with my boobs! I expressed for a week and was miserable. My DH and I decided that for my mental health FFing would be best. I was beginning to resent LO and the moment we made the decision to FF, it took all the stress out and I enjoyed my son.

It is hard when you get some of the extreme BFing mom's that make you feel guilty but I know what I did was best for myself and my baby. Good luck!

 

[aliss]

Oh beatnik,,, this is EXACTLY what I went through as well (even right down to the disappointment from OH). My situation was slightly different because LO had a fractured collarbone so the screaming during feeding truly was pain - whereas yours may be from the ventouse/headache.

I also tried expressing for a while and was just worn and exhausted. I felt like I was slipping into post-partum depression from the agony of an injured baby/desperation to BF but a baby that could not take to the breast - not to mention pumping every 2 hours which did not coordinate with baby's sleep.

Yes, I went to formula (combo fed for a while) for my sanity.

Aside from the midwives, I highly doubt you will receive any nasty comments in person from people. I have never experienced that at all, and BF'ing is very common where I am. Yes, you will be judged online (as much as I love BnB, people make it no secret that some girls judge us for FF), but who cares really, because you can click that away.

Do what is right for you. Remember that a lot of us have gone through what you have, and we understand if you make the decision.

 

[beatnick]

thanks for your responses- i have started upping the formula and he is really contented now- slept much better last night and i felt better for expressing as and when rather than feeling the pressure of the clock to drag out enough milk to feed him.

I am only close to getting enough milk for one feed for him, but safe in the knowledge he has had some hearty feeds from c&g i dont feel so crap.

i am going to continue to express when my boobs are full and try and get about 3 bottles a day into him from me.

does this mean my milk will dry up if im not expressing 24-7? (thats what it feels like!)

this thread has made me feel so much better!

 

[beachlover1]

My LO gets a 40 min breast feed in the night and a 20 min on in the morning....not every day, as sometimes he is screaming too much. My milk hasnt dried up! it will adjust its quantity for the demand. I get non if I express, but LO gets it i can see him dribbling it!!! If you want to keep your milk in express a few times a day, I didnt even try breast feeding again for a couple of weeks after it went so wrong (expressed 2 times a day, and got a couple oz) I tried again with him once he was a bit more content and he can do it now when hes calm!! There are ways to up the milk supply again if you want to in a few weeks.

three bottles a day is loads, well done!!! please dont get too hung up on it!! xxx

 

[Eve]

So sorry you were going through so much with the breastfeeding I had to pump a lot for the first two months as Kayleigh wouldn't feed well (Jaundice) but now we are doing great. Her problems weren't like yours though,which again I'm sorry you are going through it all. I truly with breastfeeding came naturally, easy and as joyful as it should, but it's not for everyone. You are/have been trying really hard and you should be proud of yourself! If you and your LO are content with your choices, then they were the right ones Good luck with everything!!

 

[Eve]

*wish*

 

[Nats21]

I went through this too, Callum just would not take to the breast and would scream everytime, I gave him one breastfeed when he was just born and then after that we had trouble with his blood sugars so was fed cow and gate milk to keep them up so he got to used to having a bottle. I now express for him and he also formula feeds, he was 5lb 13oz when born and now weighs 10lb 8oz and is doing really well. Theres no point in beating yourself up, he won't hate you for it when hes older, and its not like you're starving him, hes getting his food so don't feel bad xx

 

[beatnick]

ive now started alternating between formula and expressed milk. which is good because i am not constantly pumping and sterilising.

My boobs can just about keep up with the amount needed for a bottle every other feed so i get a nice relief when i have pumped!

im so glad to be getting into a groove now. Ive just bought a big box of c&g and have time to myself now to catch up on corrie and express when needed.

thanks so much for your support ladies. seems like the only support available when you choose to ff is from people like you!

 

[chatts]

One of my midwives said to me that "it's all about happy families snd that's the most important thing" and it's the best thing anyone could have said. I BF for 7 days exclusively then another 5 combined then all bottle. I couldn't cope with LO on me from 4pm into the eve and then she'd take a bottle so I don't care what all thw books and experts say, she was clearly hungry and I could not give her enough. Plus to be honest, I didn't like ,each to their own but it wasn't for me.

My LO, me and hubby were all happier when we stopped and stuck with bottle plus others can help you, Nanny's love nothing more than feeding the baby.

Please do not feel guilty and don't be judged, it's your family no one elses, as long as you're all happy and LO is fed, warm and loved that's all that matters.

Take Care

xx