New Policies Regarding Divorce

[Lightworker]

Just watching news today and the govt has created new policies, which in my view will make getting a divorce harder. These include mandatory mediation and removal of legal aid for divorcing couples. I think that maybe they feel divorce rates are high due to the ease of getting divorced. Do you think that this will reduce divorce rates? Do you think people will think harder before marriage? Do you think people will stay in unhappy marriages? Will people work harder at their marriages?

 

[tallybee]

I don't think it's easy to get divorced. OH and I have been together 2 years, before we got together him and his ex were separated but not divorced because of the expense etc. 2 years we've lived with this woman's bitching refusal to divorce him unless she gets most of his pension pot as well as the entire equity from their house, which he still pays for and she still lives in with their children. We're in serious debt because of her demands already. A divorce won't be granted until the financial shitz gets agreed, and she's making that impossible, without going to court - which would be financial suicide.

Also - if people want to part there is no government bullshit that's gonna make them want otherwise IMO. In fact, being forced to do mediation and things has the potential to push people to resent/hate/despise each other all the more.

Honestly I don't think all that many people resort to divorce without having worked at things already - it's not the first port of call at all, more of a last resort which should not have further pain, anguish and bullshit added by beauraucracy as it's bloody well painful enough to the people with no choice but to be involved as it is.

 

[tallybee]

PS : On the removal of legal aid. We don't get it because OH's salary on paper is too high. But so much of this money goes to servicing that woman's demands/mortgage/blah that we're pretty screwed. SHE on the other hand gets full legal aid. I hear that something called Clawback hits greedy people who gain financially from legal proceedings they funded with Legal aid as it is. I certainly think it should. Then perhaps these people would think twice before trying to stab everyone else in the back, for as long as possible - all paid for by the taxpayer.

 

[redpoppy]

Just watching news today and the govt has created new policies, which in my view will make getting a divorce harder. These include mandatory mediation and removal of legal aid for divorcing couples. I think that maybe they feel divorce rates are high due to the ease of getting divorced. Do you think that this will reduce divorce rates? Do you think people will think harder before marriage? Do you think people will stay in unhappy marriages? Will people work harder at their marriages?

This is awful!!! Coming from a culture where divorce is STILL seen as shameful to many (although not to most kids brought up here) I think it's simply nonsense that people don't work at a marriage. People STILL in this country stay in HORRIBLE unhappy marriages, they fear losing the person they once loved, they fear losing contact with their children or losing that family structure for them. They also fear the financial consequences (both male and female).

I do think that the mediation is a very very good thing but I also feel that by the time one person in a marriage decides that divorce is the only way out that it's too late for mediation.

Surely reducing divorce rates is not the issue but reducing abuse, unhappiness etc. There should be more support for families (closing down children's centres isn't going to help IMO) and there should be more ways to keep families working and positively so after divorce.

Divorce is a horrible thing but I just don't think it's ever entered into lightly.

 

[Kimboowee]

I tbh wouldn't even know where to start if I wanted to get a divorce! Though the fact that I wouldnt be entitled to any legal aid due to a low income would really make things difficult for me.
I think celebrities that are granted these 'quickie' divorces make people think it's really easy. You fall out of love then a few months later it's done, dusted and over!

 

[Nibblenic]

Ive have been seperated from my husband for almost 4 years now. He refusses to divorce me. I get no legal aid cos im stupid enough to work! It cost me a little over 16k to get him financially out of the house, which costs me almost as much as my morgage a month for 7 YEARS

I am waiting till the 5 year mark to divorce him so basically it doesnt cost my anymore money than he already has.

I would LOVE to know how they are oging to get us to do mediation when a: I have a restraining order. b: Ive been with someone else ive had a child with for 3 years.

Stupid bloody idea

 

[tallybee]

It's ludicrous isn't it.

That 5 years thing is

Up here it's 1 year with both parties consent and 2 without.

I'd have to say that even the most loopy policy would have to include exceptions re. exceptional circumstances such as restraining orders etc but in my experience nothing makes normal planet Earth sense when it comes to divorce law

 

[billy2mm]

im attempting to go thorough a divorce at the moment. my ex wouldnt have turned up to mediation and tbh i didnt want mediation. i had spent years trying to sort our problems out, finding out about conselling and he refused it all.

in march its 2 years for us but he still wont hand over his pay and pension details so we can sort out the separation agreement before we can divorce. i dont even want any of his money (coz he doesnt have any and no way to give me my share now anyway and it will be totally worthless in 40 years time when he finally retires)but it has to be done by law.

i would be stuck married to him for the rest of my life if i wasnt entitled to legal aid. i was ground down and abused and belittled for too long by that "man" and for the government to tell me i cant get divorced coz i cant find a job coz i gave up my job and moved countries to do my bit for my country by following the flag is a slap in the face!

it wont work and will only keep people in abusive marriages for longer as no one will be able to get the help they need to escape.

 

[freckleonear]

Perhaps rather than making it harder to divorce they should make it harder to marry? Maybe by having to complete a counselling course with a counsellor of your own choice (religious or non-religious). I believe that marriage is for life except in the most extreme circumstances.

 

[Lightworker]

Seeing as its a Conservative govt I can only think they are doing this to deter divorcees and preserve the traditional family image but IMO it is going to backfire in an almighty way eg with women staying in abusive marriages as a PP has said, longer drawn out processes etc. And the poor children caught inbetween! I also thought it would make people think twice about getting married which would be counter productive to their aim of preserving the traditional family as more cohabiting etc will go on.

 

[Lightworker]

On the surface the idea of rigorous pre-marital counselling sounds good as TBH I do think some people go into it lightly, and when we got married, our priest gave us some questionnaires and abit of advice but nothing real significant. But it might be abit unfair because whether you get to marry will be based on one person's assessment of your relationship and their idea of what a good marriage is. I don't think it would go down well with the freedom-of-choicers.

 

[freckleonear]

On the surface the idea of rigorous pre-marital counselling sounds good as TBH I do think some people go into it lightly, and when we got married, our priest gave us some questionnaires and abit of advice but nothing real significant. But it might be abit unfair because whether you get to marry will be based on one person's assessment of your relationship and their idea of what a good marriage is. I don't think it would go down well with the freedom-of-choicers.

Oh I completely agree, a situation where you needed "permission" to marry would be wrong. I was thinking that just going through a counselling course might make you think harder about various issues and then at the end you would either go ahead or make your own decision to reconsider. Our Pastor gave us quite a long and intensive course and it certainly helped to prepare us for some of the difficulties of marriage that we had never even considered.

 

[angelandbump]

ok... i had a very strong opinion on divorce for many years due to my religion. Not a single member on my mum's side of the family (we are roman catholic's) have been divorced and the ones i see from my dad's side of the family are the same. So i had never been round anything to do with it.

After reading all your stories above I am shocked that the goverment have gave you no support and there for delaying your chance to be a 'proper' family with your new partners.

It goes to show you how naive i have been for many a years!

As i have not been though it or know of anyone really i can't coment but i pray you girls get it all sorted! x

 

[tallybee]

Perhaps rather than making it harder to divorce they should make it harder to marry? Maybe by having to complete a counselling course with a counsellor of your own choice (religious or non-religious). I believe that marriage is for life except in the most extreme circumstances.

What are 'extreme' circumstances though? Who decides? Why should people stay married to someone who makes their life difficult/painful/sad/whatever?

If a couple are separated anyway why should they be forced to remain married thus preventing them from marrying the person they want to be with? Why should those new partners be punished for their OH's previous mistake, forced in the eyes of the law to continue as a mistress, complicit in adultery?

Sorry but divorce is difficult and painful and expensive enough as it is without further obstacles being placed. The solicitors laugh all the way to the bank whilst the poor saps who just want their lives back are left in limbo with no way forward.

It's all very well saying marriage should be for life but in reality people change and forcing the status quo has the potential to cause unmitigated damage - as does complicating matters using short-sighted and half-baked laws.

Sorry if my posts here are strongly worded but my unwanted experience of the topic has jaded me considerably. The whole thing is way beyond a joke

 

[Justagirlxx]

I've never been through a divorce and never want to. But I know for a fact that if I ever did (God forbid) I would try everything under the sun to fix our marriage first and divorce would be a very last resort. No amount of mediation or counseling would help because we would have already tried that. I guess maybe not everyone would try as hard to save their marriage but to me my family and my marriage are the most important things to me and I would do everything in my power to save it first. So if I ever did make that decision it would be far too late for anything else to work.

 

[Snowball]

I kind of think it's a good idea. If my DH would have tried mediation with me in the first place, maybe he wouldn't have thought it so easy to have gotten out and left his kids for a bit of skirt. Obviously that's only my POV from my situation, I know others have it a lot harder

 

[billy2mm]

thing is we all have freedom of choice. we choose to marry and why should someone else get to decide if/when we can get divorced?

divorce is never something any one goes to lightly. it takes real guts to leave someone and it will have been months if not years or painful internal struggles to come to the decision to finally end it all.

my ex cheated on me numerous times yet if he finds out about my oh now (i only got together with him 20 months after leaving my ex) I can be divorced on the grounds of divorce. in the eyes of the law i am an adulteror. how wrong is that?

 

[Nibblenic]

And whats going to happen if one of the parties doesnt want a divorce and wants for whatever reason to continue the marriage. Is it not going to be allowed.

Cos I can tell you now why my Ex wont divorce me he reckons he can stake a claim at my inheritance (we're not rich or anything) But being the only child in the hole of the family I will at some point come into 5 houses. The greedy ******* reckons if he fights to the bitter end he'll get a share. Not bloody clever enough to realise that he can try and claim all he wants but not only have i written him directly out of everything but I now have a daughter.

But seriously that is why hes making it so very difficult. Money. And by the same means, my lack of money means I cant rack up thousands of pounds of debt getting one. Which is why I have had to wait.

Its stupid

 

[Laura2919]

Perhaps rather than making it harder to divorce they should make it harder to marry? Maybe by having to complete a counselling course with a counsellor of your own choice (religious or non-religious). I believe that marriage is for life except in the most extreme circumstances.

I agree!.

 

[rubixcyoob.]

I think it will make people think harder. I feel genuinely sorry for all the girls here stuggling to get a divorce but then you turn on your TV or open your paper and there is some stupid 'celebrity' married and divorced in less than 2 weeks.
Where has the sanctity of marriage gone when that happens? Why do they get married and divorced so easily? Why is that right?

If it made it harder to divorce these people would think harder about doing something impulsive and to make the headlines. It would also stop the image of marriage being tarred through the mud by something that is in no way, bar legally, a marriage.