New Policies Regarding Divorce

[Lightworker]

Yeah I do agree that the sanctity of marriage has been reduced to a joke, I always felt marriage is for life and its probaby what the govt thinks, but I do think that making it harder to divorce will be counter productive and just plain cruel for some people like the ladies on this thread.

 

[tallybee]

Yes girls but there seems to be a tiered system going on where these clowns can have it all done at the drop of a hat, whereas those of us without 'celebrity' money behind us are left in the shite. Making it even harder for the rest of us doesn't address that issue! Perhaps coming down on those pathetic joke marriages between pathetic joke 'celebs' that happen at the click of their overindulged fingers ought to be looked at. It's difficult, expensive and painful enough for us mere mortals without some pathetic Tory meddling - no change for the better can come from this short-sighted bull which is, after all, merely a badly-constructed smokescreen for the cuts in support for families anyway.

 

[billy2mm]

Yes girls but there seems to be a tiered system going on where these clowns can have it all done at the drop of a hat, whereas those of us without 'celebrity' money behind us are left in the shite. Making it even harder for the rest of us doesn't address that issue! Perhaps coming down on those pathetic joke marriages between pathetic joke 'celebs' that happen at the click of their overindulged fingers ought to be looked at. It's difficult, expensive and painful enough for us mere mortals without some pathetic Tory meddling - no change for the better can come from this short-sighted bull which is, after all, merely a badly-constructed smokescreen for the cuts in support for families anyway.

couldnt have said it better!! its so hard seeing all that lot getting divorced in weeks where as i have had to wait 2 years and if i was in england i would have had to wait 5 years!

 

[tallybee]

Yes girls but there seems to be a tiered system going on where these clowns can have it all done at the drop of a hat, whereas those of us without 'celebrity' money behind us are left in the shite. Making it even harder for the rest of us doesn't address that issue! Perhaps coming down on those pathetic joke marriages between pathetic joke 'celebs' that happen at the click of their overindulged fingers ought to be looked at. It's difficult, expensive and painful enough for us mere mortals without some pathetic Tory meddling - no change for the better can come from this short-sighted bull which is, after all, merely a badly-constructed smokescreen for the cuts in support for families anyway.

couldnt have said it better!! its so hard seeing all that lot getting divorced in weeks where as i have had to wait 2 years and if i was in england i would have had to wait 5 years!

Beyond a joke isn't it hon

 

[Lightworker]

Forgive my ignorance, but how come celebrities can have a quickie divorce? Is it because of money or?

 

[tallybee]

Forgive my ignorance, but how come celebrities can have a quickie divorce? Is it because of money or?

I can only presume so.

I know that quickie divorces are available to anyone as long as there are no children under 16 and no unresolved financial issues. No use to us here. Those twunts like Katie Price who do have children with their ex husbands presumably go swanning off to bloody Vegas or wherever it is that people swan off to for these things where they're far less regulated.

 

[Snowball]

Can you not just get a divorce based on unreasonable behaviour? That's what my DH keeps mentioning. Says he doesn't need my say so if he does?

 

[tallybee]

Can you not just get a divorce based on unreasonable behaviour? That's what my DH keeps mentioning. Says he doesn't need my say so if he does?

Whatever the grounds for divorce are, all financial affairs and those regarding the children must be settled before a divorce will be granted. This will usually mean a complicated legally-worded separation agreement. If one party wants to make it all ridiculously complicated and won't co-operate, then that's out the window and no progress can be made.

In any case, he's dreaming if he thinks it's just easy to prove 'unreasonable behaviour'. One person's 'unreasonable behaviour' could be another's totally acceptable; you can't just go and say 'I am enduring unreasonable behaviour, give us a divorce please' and that's it.

 

[ShanandBoc]

I also agree marriage has been reduced to a joke. To a certain extent i believe a divorce should be hard, people should be encouraged to 'make' it work. A successful marriage is something that requires alot of work from both parties. But im not to know each individuals situation so id never judge someone for getting a divorce

As a christian the only biblical grounds for divorce is adultery, in the case of abuse you can separate but are not 'supposed' to divorce as counselling etc should be considered.

It should be available as a last resort imo, unless one has cheated. x

 

[momandpeanut]

I also agree marriage has been reduced to a joke. To a certain extent i believe a divorce should be hard, people should be encouraged to 'make' it work. A successful marriage is something that requires alot of work from both parties. But im not to know each individuals situation so id never judge someone for getting a divorce

As a christian the only biblical grounds for divorce is adultery, in the case of abuse you can separate but are not 'supposed' to divorce as counselling etc should be considered.

It should be available as a last resort imo, unless one has cheated. x

im trying desperatly to divorce a man who raped me on many occasions , locked me in the house everytime he went out and drove me to try and take my own life , but he NEVER cheated !

i am a christian but know adultry is not the only reason for divorce

 

[ShanandBoc]

Hey hun your situation is extreme and im so sorry you went through that.

Im stating simply what the bible says about divorce and that it specifically says only adultery. I am in now way starting an argument here! x

The first step would still be counselling according to that, yet of course i am aware that isnt always possible and i dont blame u for wanting to divorce him, like i said id never judge.

God would know what u went through and that you couldnt possibly stay with him, but your situation isnt the norm

Hope it all works out for you x

 

[Nibblenic]

I think you maybe supprised how common non consentual sex in marriage is.

As for unreasonable behaviour yes it is a reason for divorce. But its hard to proove and you realy have to pay to prove it. On average it costs 13k for a divorce who seriously has that kind of money. It isnt something to be taken lightly.

It leave a huge amount of people stuck married to someone when they have moved on in thier lives. Which due to the same stupid british laws leaves many vunerable to claims being made against thier assests

 

[Lightworker]

Also, if you are living with an abusive or unreasonable person, what are the chances that they would attend the mediation knowing that you are intent on the divorce? I think that mandatory mediation is a policy that rests on the assumption that both parties are reasonable, which clearly is not always the case.

 

[redpoppy]

I just don't believe the idea that people take divorce lightly. Maybe occasionally that is the case, maybe in instances when abnormal people get married or compulsive cheaters or celebrities who are a teeny tiny minority but I don't think I know a single person who has entered divorce lightly or ever gotten married without truly believing it would be forever. On the other hand I know quite a few people who are stuck in dead, loveless marriages for various reasons or stuck in long drawn out divorces where their partners won't let go.

There are many legitimate reasons to get divorced and it doesn't have to be rape and physical abuse only.

I do think it would be fantastic if couples counselling was offered on the NHS. Any individual cam get therapy when they need it. It seems strange that couples can't if it's affecting there happiness and wellbeing.

 

[tallybee]

A last resort, unless one has cheated? Hmm...

So that includes all those who have long been separated and made lives with new partners then Because I for one resent the implication that I may have to continue as a 'Mistress' complicit in 'Adultery' just because I made the 'Mistake' of falling in love with a man who had a wedding years ago to someone who he could no longer live with and separated from but can't get divorced from because of other peoples' interference.
I cannot see how a marriage can be forced to work in those circumstances!

In any case there are many reasons why a marriage can irretrievably break down - one person saying that cheating is the only way cannot make that be for everyone. No offence meant to anyone but I have difficulty in taking our meaning from an old book.
I must point out that some people don't even see cheating as the ultimate blow. Some people happily have open marriages and others just live with infidelity because it suits them better than alternatives.
Others are, like has been pointed out above, subjected to appalling treatment which nobody should have to endure, but because it's not adultery well so be it because someone else said so? sorry

Nibblenic you are so right regarding non consensual sex in marriage. In my opinion it's disgusting that as recently as 1991, rape in marriage was not even considered a crime. That's right - only in 1991 did the UK change the law to recognise this horrible abuse as criminal; prior to that, the law basically said that in taking our marriage vows we have abdicated any say over our own body and sexuality. Sickening.

 

[tallybee]

God would know what u went through and that you couldnt possibly stay with him, but your situation isnt the norm

In no way do I wish to be horrible in any way but honestly you would be very surprised at what goes on behind closed doors.

Too many people put up with untold misery because they believe there's no other way. It's not reported because of the perceived 'shame', in no small part because of being told that it is all their fault. And that because what they're enduring isn't the 'right' kind of abuse (the one that somebody says is grounds for divorce), then it just has to be tolerated.

 

[ShanandBoc]

Tallybee, i didnt mean to cause upset, i was just pointing out what the bible says on the matter, as if u are religious you would believe that marriage was an institution introduced by God, that he views it sas sacred, and dont forget that the bible is not 'just an old book' to many people.

In my own opinion, i said that i know there can be many other things that can make a marriage miserable and unable to continue, but i do believe counselling should be tried first, in most situations as marriage is a sacred union.

We all have differing opinions on all matters and i respect yours is different to mine. I know its not always black and white. I didnt say divorce shouldnt be considered in other situations, but that i would like to think it would be a last resort when there is no hope of reconciliation.

x

 

[tallybee]

Sorry if I'm sounding harsh hon. I do respect other peoples' views It's just that my experience of this topic is clearly very different from some peoples. And peoples' beliefs shouldn't be used in ways which make life worse for others who do not accept those beliefs

Fair enough religious people can follow the bible or whatever their particular religion follows, but they should never force its content on those who do not accept it.

To me as an atheist, marriage is a union for love, stability, for security and for a promise to each other. A celebration of shared lives. It was introduced by humans for humans. And if it's not working for the humans involved... who else should put spanners in the works of parting peacefully?

I think the point that has been brought up here is that many of the posters' marriages have broken down irretrievably; no sensible person could assert otherwise. But yet divorce is being made difficult or impossible because of things like expense, and difficult enough laws as it is - without new ones which make it harder still, as this thread was saying in the first place.

Mediation/reconciliation will not and cannot work where one side will not cooperate, where one or both parties are settled with new partners and in some cases children with these new partners. Similarly in cases where there's been abuse - and this can be mental/emotional as well as physical. Everyone's situation is different The fact is, the people involved know when their relationship's broken down - condescending them with forced niceties in a mediation setting will seem to many as an insult to intelligence.

I also have to restate the point of funding too. If there's no more legal aid, anyone on normal wages will simply be stuck. Will this mediation be funded? I know from experience that it's certainly not cheap and often simply fails. Paying for a session in which your ex storms off within the first 5 minutes is very frustrating!

 

[ShanandBoc]

I agree with your post Tallybee, well written x

 

[Snowball]

See I look at it from the otherside (mainly because I cling on). Even though it's been suggested I don't want to divorce my DH. He only left 2 1/2 months ago and commited adultery amongst numerous others things and I'd still happily go to mediation to make it work, god knows I've tried but he's currently hauled up in his mums house, playing Playstation and drinking beer... totally oblivious to the 3.. almost 4 children he's left behind. I would make it work, work through his issues etc but no, he's spat his dummy out and that's that. That's why for my pov mediation is a good idea. I think it should be illegal for a parent to shirk responsibility and run back home for a rest. It's just running away.

As I said before though I know that's just my case and many a different. In some circumstances on here I can see mediation won't work.