New, pregnant, just about single

[TinkCee]

So my story in a nutshell, im 22, pregnant with my first baby. Unplanned pregnancy of course. Im a med student. I work as a supervisor at my local cancer center and the father of my child is so unstable. He comes and goes as he wishes and pays no attention to much of my feelings. He feels his life is coming to an end. Which annoys me cause I am the one with a career, school and future
Anyways this was my day...
Sorry I just needed to vent.

I just so happened to find myself in a moment of reality.*
How scary that was but a moment I have been waiting for. Being 22 and pregnant, I felt unstoppable. As if though I was superwoman. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, oh my, I have changed. I saw my growing belly and I had this feeling overcome me. It wasnt a good feeling either. As I stood there I wanted to cry, scream, and be mad. The question came about "will I be ready for single parenthood?" And the answer was always "YES" but today, that answer became an ache. The future went beyond my eyes, holidays, birthdays, school events, and fathers day, how will I explain all that? Will my baby understand my choice or will he/she think I was being selfish?*
How much I wanted to pick up my phone and yell at my babys father for being a stupid, childish, ignorant ***** jerk!!! And tell him he owes me so much for allowing him to make me feel alone!! I gave him the easy way out, without yelling or any guilt trip. He walked away clean. How dare him!!! How dare he think that this baby doesnt deserve a father!!! Ugh!! Why couldnt I have been smart and not give into a moment of temptation with a boy!! Couldnt I have been lucky to have a husband and be those wives who seem to have it all together? To be confident enough and know my child would have a stable home with two parents?! Oh how mad I was at myself!*
What was I being punished for? Was this karma for not listening to my parents when they said "no sex before marriage"? The questions I kept inside.*
Then I realized just who I was suppose to be, HUMAN!*

So beyond my rage, I wrote a simple letter...


My little one,
First off, I want to express my unconditional love for you. You became my world the moment I knew you would be entering my life. I am beyond excited to hold you in my arms. To show my love and protect you forever.*
I will aplogize in advance for my struggles and errors as a new mom. I am only trying to learn a new lifestyle. But I promise to do my very best. I know our future will only began. There will be tears and a lot of doubts, but none of that is your fault. Parenthood doesnt seem easy, and since I will be alone in that task I will definitely be making mistakes.*
Your father left before he even wanted to know you, thats not your fault either. He wasnt ready to grow up and accept you. Thats his loss, he doesnt know the amount of joy you bring already. We will be perfectly fine on our own. We have so many years of birthdays, holidays, school events, and milestones to get to. And each step I will be by your side. I already am your biggest cheerleader.
So please continue to grow.*
Each day you are in my tummy I grow confidence. I love you more.*
I hope you feel my love and happiness, you are accepted by me and I will prove it each day for the rest of my life.
Only weeks till we are face to face, until then.... We will grow from each other.

Love, your mommy

 

[BadassMom]

That's a beautiful letter to your little one. I can tell your a very strong, intelligent, independant woman and your baby is lucky to have you as a mother!

 

[Flowers Jasmn]

Thats a beautiful letter for sure.

Am a single mum too, my kids mean the world to me. You just need to work very hard so that the needs of your baby can be catered for. Hang in there, you will love being a mother to your baby soon.

 

[TinkCee]

Thank you ladies,

I have been struggling for weeks if ditching the babys father is worth it.
But I was also scared to have the label of a single parent.
Nowadays, being a single mom seems to be the normal.

 

[MorganEvans]

You'll make a great mother, no doubt about it. I read trough your story and it's obvious you're aware of the reality of the situation. If i was your mother, id be proud.

 

[exoticsiren]

Nice letter youll be fine hun.. Im on the verge of leaving my bf... Dont love himanymore and hes an asshole lol.. Id rather be single an raise my baby alone then w a jeroff... im sure youll be fine hun

 

[Danie1stbaby]

This was super powerful! You definitely should start a blog~ That was so well said♥ I am a new mother to a 9 month old and spent my entire pregnancy and even months of her life ..asking the same questions.You try to figure out how could you fall for a boy,when you see millions of women around you that are going through parenthood alone...right?
You gave yourself the best answer,you are human.I needed to hear that myself,because I question myself even now.Being a mother and having someone that loves you like you are a superhero,is an amazing feeling.I am sure there will be ups and downs,but let me tell you something...nothing beats the happiness and joy in my 9 month old's face when I walk into a room.It hurts to think that these losers did not even give baby a chance.This forum and other ladies up here made me realize,I am not the only one going through it and you aren't either.It hurts and will hurt like hell~ You chose to give this precious innocent human life and that makes you so powerful.You are in med school,please do not take off or say you are going back.Make time to be a mom and med student~ Can you imagine the bragging rights your little one will have!! Mom raised me and was in Med School.WOW! I am so proud of you already~ You will be a great mother!

 

[TinkCee]

Awe thank you!!

As far as the progress of the relationship with the father. Its been over.

I havent felt alone, nor do I think I ever will.

How are you all ladies doing?
Regret not being with the father?

 

[daneuse27]

That was beautiful.. Im in tears now. lol. so well written and honest. I think you'll be a great mother. Your child is lucky to have such an intelligent, caring and devoted mom. hugs

PS. I still have feelings for FOB, as he does for me, but we're just not right for each other and it would end in disaster. I dont believe a 2 parent home is necessarily better than 1- the parents have to work well together and be a team. We just couldnt be. A child needs a happy, loving environment which Im doing everything to give my daughter, as Im sure you will give to your child too. All the best to you. xxo

 

[TinkCee]

That was beautiful.. Im in tears now. lol. so well written and honest. I think you'll be a great mother. Your child is lucky to have such an intelligent, caring and devoted mom. hugs

PS. I still have feelings for FOB, as he does for me, but we're just not right for each other and it would end in disaster. I dont believe a 2 parent home is necessarily better than 1- the parents have to work well together and be a team. We just couldnt be. A child needs a happy, loving environment which Im doing everything to give my daughter, as Im sure you will give to your child too. All the best to you. xxo

I agree, I really dont have any communication with FOB, and when communication comes into play he usually just needs something and wants me to run to rescue.
I had always planned my first child accordingly to my life and never realizing theres the unexpected. But im adjusting.
I thinks I have come to.terms of single parenting.
How do you workout visits? Thats if you have any..

 

[daneuse27]

That was beautiful.. Im in tears now. lol. so well written and honest. I think you'll be a great mother. Your child is lucky to have such an intelligent, caring and devoted mom. hugs

PS. I still have feelings for FOB, as he does for me, but we're just not right for each other and it would end in disaster. I dont believe a 2 parent home is necessarily better than 1- the parents have to work well together and be a team. We just couldnt be. A child needs a happy, loving environment which Im doing everything to give my daughter, as Im sure you will give to your child too. All the best to you. xxo

I agree, I really dont have any communication with FOB, and when communication comes into play he usually just needs something and wants me to run to rescue.
I had always planned my first child accordingly to my life and never realizing theres the unexpected. But im adjusting.
I thinks I have come to.terms of single parenting.
How do you workout visits? Thats if you have any..

He actually lives on the other side of the continent from me, and a different country. Its a 5 hour flight. We got pregnant in Australia while we were living there together and had to move back to where we were originally from to get our lives in order. He came to Canada, where I live for the last month of my pregnancy, birth and 2 weeks after our daughter was born. 2 months later, our daughter and I went to visit him and his family for 2 months. Im back home now snd Im not sure when we'll see him again. For now though, Im doing everything on my own in terms of raising baby. I wont lie - its very hard sometimes, but twice as much rewarding

How much longer do you have of med school? Has your family been supportive?

 

[TinkCee]

That was beautiful.. Im in tears now. lol. so well written and honest. I think you'll be a great mother. Your child is lucky to have such an intelligent, caring and devoted mom. hugs

PS. I still have feelings for FOB, as he does for me, but we're just not right for each other and it would end in disaster. I dont believe a 2 parent home is necessarily better than 1- the parents have to work well together and be a team. We just couldnt be. A child needs a happy, loving environment which Im doing everything to give my daughter, as Im sure you will give to your child too. All the best to you. xxo

I agree, I really dont have any communication with FOB, and when communication comes into play he usually just needs something and wants me to run to rescue.
I had always planned my first child accordingly to my life and never realizing theres the unexpected. But im adjusting.
I thinks I have come to.terms of single parenting.
How do you workout visits? Thats if you have any..

He actually lives on the other side of the continent from me, and a different country. Its a 5 hour flight. We got pregnant in Australia while we were living there together and had to move back to where we were originally from to get our lives in order. He came to Canada, where I live for the last month of my pregnancy, birth and 2 weeks after our daughter was born. 2 months later, our daughter and I went to visit him and his family for 2 months. Im back home now snd Im not sure when we'll see him again. For now though, Im doing everything on my own in terms of raising baby. I wont lie - its very hard sometimes, but twice as much rewarding

How much longer do you have of med school? Has your family been supportive?

Oh wow, so the stress of fighting for visits really doesnt exsist.
My FOB lives 10 mins away. so I know I will run into a mess eventually.
I commend u for raising her on your own. I think thats the best thing.

I have this last semester of school.
Im due the first part of May and my finals are the first week of May. So I am pushing myself to get as much school work done as possible before the baby arrives.
As for my family, they are supportive. My parents are on board and seeing as this was an unplanned pregnancy they still want to help me with the baby but understand I want to be a main figure in my childs life.
My FOB informed his family of my pregnancy but no comment from them.

 

[daneuse27]

That was beautiful.. Im in tears now. lol. so well written and honest. I think you'll be a great mother. Your child is lucky to have such an intelligent, caring and devoted mom. hugs

PS. I still have feelings for FOB, as he does for me, but we're just not right for each other and it would end in disaster. I dont believe a 2 parent home is necessarily better than 1- the parents have to work well together and be a team. We just couldnt be. A child needs a happy, loving environment which Im doing everything to give my daughter, as Im sure you will give to your child too. All the best to you. xxo

I agree, I really dont have any communication with FOB, and when communication comes into play he usually just needs something and wants me to run to rescue.
I had always planned my first child accordingly to my life and never realizing theres the unexpected. But im adjusting.
I thinks I have come to.terms of single parenting.
How do you workout visits? Thats if you have any..

He actually lives on the other side of the continent from me, and a different country. Its a 5 hour flight. We got pregnant in Australia while we were living there together and had to move back to where we were originally from to get our lives in order. He came to Canada, where I live for the last month of my pregnancy, birth and 2 weeks after our daughter was born. 2 months later, our daughter and I went to visit him and his family for 2 months. Im back home now snd Im not sure when we'll see him again. For now though, Im doing everything on my own in terms of raising baby. I wont lie - its very hard sometimes, but twice as much rewarding

How much longer do you have of med school? Has your family been supportive?

Oh wow, so the stress of fighting for visits really doesnt exsist.
My FOB lives 10 mins away. so I know I will run into a mess eventually.
I commend u for raising her on your own. I think thats the best thing.

I have this last semester of school.
Im due the first part of May and my finals are the first week of May. So I am pushing myself to get as much school work done as possible before the baby arrives.
As for my family, they are supportive. My parents are on board and seeing as this was an unplanned pregnancy they still want to help me with the baby but understand I want to be a main figure in my childs life.
My FOB informed his family of my pregnancy but no comment from them.

Well congratulations on your upcoming baby, and for choosing to continue the path to motherhood
Its good to hear that you will have finished your degree by the time your son/daughter is here, and that will undoubtedly open many doors for you when you decide to look for work. I also did not have a steady job when I fell pregnant (I graduated a few years back, and then travelled the world for a while) and I actually like the fact that I have flexibility to decide when I want to look for work; how long Id like to spend raising my little one. I never thought Id enjoy staying home with a child, but it turns out its the most rewarding thing I've done. So Im hoping/planning to stay with her until shes at least a year old, or more -depending on whats out there in terms of jobs.
Im also glad to hear your family is supportive - this will help a lot too. It sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders and Im sure you'll be a great mother!

 

[TinkCee]

That was beautiful.. Im in tears now. lol. so well written and honest. I think you'll be a great mother. Your child is lucky to have such an intelligent, caring and devoted mom. hugs

PS. I still have feelings for FOB, as he does for me, but we're just not right for each other and it would end in disaster. I dont believe a 2 parent home is necessarily better than 1- the parents have to work well together and be a team. We just couldnt be. A child needs a happy, loving environment which Im doing everything to give my daughter, as Im sure you will give to your child too. All the best to you. xxo

I agree, I really dont have any communication with FOB, and when communication comes into play he usually just needs something and wants me to run to rescue.
I had always planned my first child accordingly to my life and never realizing theres the unexpected. But im adjusting.
I thinks I have come to.terms of single parenting.
How do you workout visits? Thats if you have any..

He actually lives on the other side of the continent from me, and a different country. Its a 5 hour flight. We got pregnant in Australia while we were living there together and had to move back to where we were originally from to get our lives in order. He came to Canada, where I live for the last month of my pregnancy, birth and 2 weeks after our daughter was born. 2 months later, our daughter and I went to visit him and his family for 2 months. Im back home now snd Im not sure when we'll see him again. For now though, Im doing everything on my own in terms of raising baby. I wont lie - its very hard sometimes, but twice as much rewarding

How much longer do you have of med school? Has your family been supportive?

Oh wow, so the stress of fighting for visits really doesnt exsist.
My FOB lives 10 mins away. so I know I will run into a mess eventually.
I commend u for raising her on your own. I think thats the best thing.

I have this last semester of school.
Im due the first part of May and my finals are the first week of May. So I am pushing myself to get as much school work done as possible before the baby arrives.
As for my family, they are supportive. My parents are on board and seeing as this was an unplanned pregnancy they still want to help me with the baby but understand I want to be a main figure in my childs life.
My FOB informed his family of my pregnancy but no comment from them.

Well congratulations on your upcoming baby, and for choosing to continue the path to motherhood
Its good to hear that you will have finished your degree by the time your son/daughter is here, and that will undoubtedly open many doors for you when you decide to look for work. I also did not have a steady job when I fell pregnant (I graduated a few years back, and then travelled the world for a while) and I actually like the fact that I have flexibility to decide when I want to look for work; how long Id like to spend raising my little one. I never thought Id enjoy staying home with a child, but it turns out its the most rewarding thing I've done. So Im hoping/planning to stay with her until shes at least a year old, or more -depending on whats out there in terms of jobs.
Im also glad to hear your family is supportive - this will help a lot too. It sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders and Im sure you'll be a great mother!

Thank you!!
Im slowly getting there.

Omg!! You travelled??
So jealous, where did you go...

I travelled states wise. And as far as paris after I graduated but I would love to go more places...

 

[Danie1stbaby]

I am so inspired by you! Please go all the way through school~ If you have to get a yoga ball and bounce on at 9 months while sitting in class!Please do not take off ~ Babies do not slow you down,only if you let having a child slow you down.You will be a great mother~ FOB family has not commented ,oh well,do not spend such a precious moment of carrying your first child worrying about him or his family.I regret that part of my pregnancy~ I did not plan on my first child coming out of a terrible situation like I was in,yet that is what makes life a mystery,you have to just adjust.You are holding up so well and I don't know you....but I am so proud of you~ I am inspired by you so much~

 

[TinkCee]

I am so inspired by you! Please go all the way through school~ If you have to get a yoga ball and bounce on at 9 months while sitting in class!Please do not take off ~ Babies do not slow you down,only if you let having a child slow you down.You will be a great mother~ FOB family has not commented ,oh well,do not spend such a precious moment of carrying your first child worrying about him or his family.I regret that part of my pregnancy~ I did not plan on my first child coming out of a terrible situation like I was in,yet that is what makes life a mystery,you have to just adjust.You are holding up so well and I don't know you....but I am so proud of you~ I am inspired by you so much~

Awe
Yes, school and my career were my life until I found out I was pregnant. But I cried enough, now I have to finish off school to complete myself.
I dont think I have dwelled on FOB or his family much. Which is one thing I have been proud of. If he didnt want to talk to me well then I stayed away. I never bothered him. And because of that, this entire pregnancy has been all mine. I never worried about sharing details.
Im sorry you had to be in my situation.
I can now say I know first hand how tough it is emotionally to get use to the idea of "alone"
But thank you, I really am glad... I can share my story with you all.

 

[daneuse27]

That was beautiful.. Im in tears now. lol. so well written and honest. I think you'll be a great mother. Your child is lucky to have such an intelligent, caring and devoted mom. hugs

PS. I still have feelings for FOB, as he does for me, but we're just not right for each other and it would end in disaster. I dont believe a 2 parent home is necessarily better than 1- the parents have to work well together and be a team. We just couldnt be. A child needs a happy, loving environment which Im doing everything to give my daughter, as Im sure you will give to your child too. All the best to you. xxo

I agree, I really dont have any communication with FOB, and when communication comes into play he usually just needs something and wants me to run to rescue.
I had always planned my first child accordingly to my life and never realizing theres the unexpected. But im adjusting.
I thinks I have come to.terms of single parenting.
How do you workout visits? Thats if you have any..

He actually lives on the other side of the continent from me, and a different country. Its a 5 hour flight. We got pregnant in Australia while we were living there together and had to move back to where we were originally from to get our lives in order. He came to Canada, where I live for the last month of my pregnancy, birth and 2 weeks after our daughter was born. 2 months later, our daughter and I went to visit him and his family for 2 months. Im back home now snd Im not sure when we'll see him again. For now though, Im doing everything on my own in terms of raising baby. I wont lie - its very hard sometimes, but twice as much rewarding

How much longer do you have of med school? Has your family been supportive?

Oh wow, so the stress of fighting for visits really doesnt exsist.
My FOB lives 10 mins away. so I know I will run into a mess eventually.
I commend u for raising her on your own. I think thats the best thing.

I have this last semester of school.
Im due the first part of May and my finals are the first week of May. So I am pushing myself to get as much school work done as possible before the baby arrives.
As for my family, they are supportive. My parents are on board and seeing as this was an unplanned pregnancy they still want to help me with the baby but understand I want to be a main figure in my childs life.
My FOB informed his family of my pregnancy but no comment from them.

Well congratulations on your upcoming baby, and for choosing to continue the path to motherhood
Its good to hear that you will have finished your degree by the time your son/daughter is here, and that will undoubtedly open many doors for you when you decide to look for work. I also did not have a steady job when I fell pregnant (I graduated a few years back, and then travelled the world for a while) and I actually like the fact that I have flexibility to decide when I want to look for work; how long Id like to spend raising my little one. I never thought Id enjoy staying home with a child, but it turns out its the most rewarding thing I've done. So Im hoping/planning to stay with her until shes at least a year old, or more -depending on whats out there in terms of jobs.
Im also glad to hear your family is supportive - this will help a lot too. It sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders and Im sure you'll be a great mother!

Thank you!!
Im slowly getting there.

Omg!! You travelled??
So jealous, where did you go...

I travelled states wise. And as far as paris after I graduated but I would love to go more places...

I lived in Asia for a year and Australia for a year so I saw quite a few countries, it was pretty amazing! Some of the best times of my life. FOB and I met in Korea, we were both teaching there at the time, and we backpacked around together.
I just realized you're due in only 3 months. Do you know if you're having a girl/boy, have you thought of names?