New to this .. need some advice DESPERATELY!

[jellytub]

Hiya, just found this forum as I was looking for a bit of guidance on the internet, and I thought it looked pretty good!
anyways, Iv just spent the last half hour or so having a look through these forums and have seen that quite a few of you have been in/are in similar situations to me, so if you could help me that would be GREAT!

sorry .. got a feeling this post is going to be really long!
Basically, I'm 18 and so is my boyfreind. I have been on the pill for about 3 months (so we havent had to use condoms) but it obviously hasnt worked, because on tuesday I found out I was pregnant

I was in total shock, didnt think it was possible blah blah. spoke to my mom, went to doctors etc. Iv spoken to alot of people and know my options, but I just dont know which one to choose.

everyone seems to want me to have a termination, but the more I think about it the less I want it. Iv sorta come to a decision within myself that I want to keep it. I just dont agree with abortion.

If the decision would only effect me, I know I would keep it but it doesnt.
My dad's the worst he'd saying how selfish I would be to keep it and I have an option I would be stupid not to take etc..

Boyfreind says he will support me, but believes very strongly an abortion is the best choice.

so WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO. am I stupid for wanting to keep baby? I just dont see how I can go against what so many other people think, theyr all making me feel so selfish. I just dont know what to do

wow sorry thats super long, thanks for any replies il be waiting haha.
xoxox

 

[colsy]

Ooooh you poor thing having to make such a decision. I know that a zillion people will probably say this to you, but the main thing to do is to make the decision that is right for you. Whether that means having and raising the baby, or giving the baby up for adoption, or having a termination, at the end of the day YOU must decide. I feel for you, as this really must be such a dreadful decision to have to make. Before you make any big choices, though, I would go and talk with your GP (if you get on with him/her) or a family planning clinic or Brook Advisory or somewere like that. They may be able to lay the various options out to you in a clearer way and help you get your head round what to do. I wish you luck in whatever you decide. xx

 

[polo_princess]

Unfortunatley there is no right or wrong answer, you have to do what you feel is right for you and your situation after all its your baby and your body.

You need to have a long hard think about it but dont make decisions because other people are pushing their opinions on you.

 

[jellytub]

Ooooh you poor thing having to make such a decision. I know that a zillion people will probably say this to you, but the main thing to do is to make the decision that is right for you. Whether that means having and raising the baby, or giving the baby up for adoption, or having a termination, at the end of the day YOU must decide. I feel for you, as this really must be such a dreadful decision to have to make. Before you make any big choices, though, I would go and talk with your GP (if you get on with him/her) or a family planning clinic or Brook Advisory or somewere like that. They may be able to lay the various options out to you in a clearer way and help you get your head round what to do. I wish you luck in whatever you decide. xx

Thankyou
I have already spoken to my GP, and I went to a bpas clinic. They did both try very hard to help but especially at bpas, they where mainly focussed on terminations and it freaked me out. Its really not what I want I dont think id be the same, id always be wondering what if and wishing I had my baby.. even though I never wanted it in the first place (which sounds awful) but now its here, I feel like I should be looking after it!

I dont know, I dont want to make people who I care about's lives harder.
Like my boyfriend, he HAS to go to uni he's looking forward to it so much. x

 

[orange-sox]

Oh sweetie

I'm in a very very similar situation to you at the moment... especially with being forced into abortion so I dont have advice for you as such, but I can tell you that we're all here for you, no matter what you decide x

 

[TeenMom06/09]

hi,
me and my best friend for many years now are both 16 and she was just recently in your situation, she found out she was pregnant, 3 weeks behind me.
i was so excited because i would have someone, my bff, so talk to about pregnant.
but she has a lot of family issues, her uncle has stepped in for dad (bc he passed away) and pretty much disiplines her.
he is very hard on her, mean, has even slapped her.

and she decided because she didnt want her uncle to find out and hurt her.. and be dissappointed in her (nor the rest of her family) she decided to get an abortion.
i tried everything i could to talk her out of it.
we had a plan, so she could live elsewhere, where her uncle couldnt touch her.

but she was determined to get one, so i stopped talking to her, i was just so upset with her decision. and just the other day i asked her if she had gotten the abortion.

and she broke down in tears, telling me how it was one of the worse things she could have ever done, and she regrets it, its something she will never forget.

i think if it wasnt the fact she felt pressured to do it, (that she HAD to)
she would still be pregnant, and not feeling the way she does.

so anyway the whole point of these long story (sorry) is dont let anyone at all pressure you into it. there is always adoption, thats the most unselfish things you can do, give a baby to someone that cant have one.
all im saying is just keep your options open, dont get pressured into something, its your decision.


-Meghan-

 

[mz_jackie86]

Hey hun, regardless of what anyone and everyone tells u it is technically ur decision...
If you are in a relationship i would say consider your bfs opinion, but at the end of the day if u dnt and cant go thru with an abortion then u have already made ur decision..
No-one can force u into gettin rid of it and u r not selfish for keeping it, just because u are young doesnt mean anythin loadsa people raise kids from a young age and do a good job doing it...

You've made it clear u dnt want an abortion now what u need to do is find the strength and courage to tell everyone that...and if they dnt like it...well its not their life its yours!! xx

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

First of all you are not at all stupid for wanting to keep your baby

Im 17 and i've just had my little boy Aidan. When i found out i was pregnant. EVERYONE (apart from my bf) wanted me to have an abortion but like you i just couldnt do it. All i can say hun is do what you want to do and don't let any1 else influence your descion as if you get an abortion and you really didn't want it then you will regret it for the rest of your life and always be thinking "what if"

Chin up sweetie, i know just how you feel. If you ever need to talk just PM me
xx

 

[LilMama2be]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, my parents wanted me to get an abortion too. They thought it was selfish of me to want to keep the baby. But I don't think they quite got why i could not terminate the pregnancy so easily, and i explained to them about adoption and how its not for me, I didn't think i was strong enough to give something of my own flesh and blood away.

It's ultimately up to you though, do what YOU feel is right. =]

My parents came around, and they aren't thrilled, but they're dealing with it the best that they can for now. I'm sure when my little princess or prince is born, they'll be very happy and love him or her very much.


If you don't want an abortion, dont get one.
And DO NOT get an abortion just because people want you to, or people are making you feel bad. I know it's hard listening to everyone's opinions, but you can get through it. =]

I hope you're happy with the choice you end up making

 

[Jemma_x]

Hun no matter what other people say or want you to do, this is your baby and its your choice. No-one can force you to do anything you dont want to do. A termination is a hard thing to choose and if your not totally sure you want it, it can affect you for a long, long time. Be sure you choose whats right hun, there will always be support here.

 

[tasha41]

Hi there My dad told me I was an idiot for not getting an abortion and tried getting my mom and sister to pressure me into it, etc. I had aspirations to go to university & be in school for 5 or 6 years after all! He's "alright" now, we don't really talk at all unless he's bugging me to clean something, and he's not sensitive about it at all; makes comments to my sister about how if she does this/that she will get pregnant when she's 18, asks me to take out the garbage (which I obviously can't lol) etc.

But I know I'd hate myself for making the decision to terminate because it's not what I truly wanted. If there's even a shred of doubt in your mind about it.. I would suggest NOT doing it. You have to be 100% sure it's what's best for you..

PS I'm still going to college and I'm having a baby.. sure having a baby costs $$ but there's lots of help available for people with low income or students with children

Examples of programs here in Canada are (they may have similar where you are which is my point):
social assistance, of course..
mother's allowance,
the affordable transit pass program,
free prenatal classes tailored to specific groups, ie: single parents, at risk youth, teens, etc.,
a school for mothers who still need to complete high school (also has a residential program for those who have been kicked out, etc.),
women's shelters for those who have nowhere to go,
a program that reimburses high school students for some of their expenses (ie: crib, stroller) & helps them find affordable/free childcare so that they finish their diploma,
subsidized childcare for university/college students

+ + +

 

[massacubano]

I say it is how you feel and what you want for your life.

 

[Laura--x]

Hun, all i can say is please dont get an abortion !! I can tell by your writing that its NOT what you want, and i know you will never forgive yourself if you go along with it!

OK, a baby is a big adjustment and responsiblity, but it will be such a precious thing to you all, it will change your life, but that doesnt mean you or your boyfriend cant do anything you didnt want to do before! It will just take a little more time and work.

Only YOU know what you want, dont listen to anyone else or let them persuade you into thinking something is best, only you know so listen to you xx

 

[xBumpandLaura]

there is no way you are stupid for wanting to keep the baby. i knew from the instant i found out i was pregnant that i wanted this baby. It's your decision, there's no right or wrong answer. If you don't agree with abortion, you don't agree with abortion. It's your body and you can decide what you want and what's best for you. And you won't be selfish for keeping it, how can creating a brand new life be selfish? don't be so hard on yourself love.

Good luck hun, keep us posted

 

[Novbaby08]

Theres nothing wrong with wanting to keep your baby, its your choice and nobody can make you do anything you don't want to do, don't let them try to pressure you

 

[flump1]

Hi,
I know how you feel and all i want to say is please dont let anyone force you into anything you dont want to do. only you know whats the right for you.

I was forced in a termination when i was 16 years old by family and partly by my bf. Im now 21 (still with the same bf) and there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think about that baby and what i did. I wish that id had the strength to do what was right for me and keep my LO. Its you're life and its not up to people to make decisions for you.

Goodluck with whatever you decide, i know its hard but the girls on here are very supportive and will always be here for you.

xxxx

 

[Serene123]

If you don't want an abortion don't have one. You would punish yourself forever.

 

[jellytub]

thanks for all your replies, I agree with what your saying and its nice to be able to have advice from people who have / are going through similar things.
I know its somthing you have to be 100% about and its not really an option for ME
but i still cant help but think its going to end up happening just cause my parents are so dead set on it and I need them on my side to make this work
eeek

 

[Blob]

I think if you are so stongly thinking about keeping your LO you should think seriously about the fact that you will always wonder about the baby if u chose termination.. am not wanting to be harsh m not against abortion but if you have any doubts the answer is obvious? Parents might to begin with be upset and worried but i know most parents are thrilled at becoming grandparents. Its possibly the hardest position u will ever be in but if u have any doubts u will prob always regret and in MY view a baby u never regret. Good luck

 

[oox_tasha_xoo]

My dad was exactly the same, felt it was best if i had terminated, but i new in my heart i didnt want an abortion so decided to continue with my pregnancy, unbeliavbly he is now really excited about being a grandad lol! I would have a really long think about what you want and feel is best and not to rush into any decision quite yet, good luck x