Newbie and in a pickle

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by woadie, Aug 30, 2009.

  1. woadie

    woadie Well-Known Member

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    Hi all,

    I started reading your forum a couple of weeks ago just after I discovered I was pregnant, and at a time when all my problems began. The pregnancy was unplanned and came as quite a shock, but my BF of 6+ months was actually really supportive at the time and even said he was secretly quite pleased, this gave him a reason to be at last, and that we would be a family.... and he made plans that weekend over our future. We are neither so young, I'm in my mid 30's and he is 40, neither of us have any children nor ever married. So the following Thursday came as quite a shock when, after a few days of support after our weekend and his return home (he lives a way away)... he emailed me to say he didn't love me enough to want to make our relationship work, that he had been desperately unhappy with me (that was news), and that he wished me luck with my 'decision'. He said if I decided 'to go full term' and 'if and when it was born', I had his address to contact the CSA as he wouldn't 'run from that responsibility'. I don't need to tell you how sick I felt inside. I even considered a termination but in my heart I just cannot do it. But the past two weeks have been a turmoil, and I had a particulalry rough night last night as my emotions are frayed to say the least.

    I also don't understand any of his later reaction, which ended with 'This will be my last communication with you as there isnt any point of more, i wish you the best with whatever decision you make.' I cannot believe any single man of that age wouldn't even want to have any dealings with his own child.

    I do know from reading the posts on here that what has happened to me is far from unique and I know you are all a welath of information and support over times like this, which is why I finally plucked up the courage to join and post.

    I don't know how ever I am going to cope with having this little one without a partner. I never wanted for my child to end up without a Daddy. It breaks my heart to know how I feel about the man who has done this, and how only two weeks before, he loved me.

    Just so you kind of understand my situation... My ex died in a car crash just over two years ago, so meeting someone else and actually feeling love for them was a milestone in itself, not something I ever thought would happen again after my loss. Both my parents are also dead and I have zero family... It's just me, and the developing bump now. I do have a good job, but I am used to the single life... and I know that childcare is going to eat up my salary.

    What more can I say... other than the usual... WHY ME?!!!

    Rather than the 'enjoyment' of the next 7 months... life iwll be an emotional struggle :( so I look forward to hopefully finding a few friends on here to offer advice and share each hurdle with :)

    Thanks for reading :)
     
  2. tiggercats

    tiggercats Guest

    :hugs: that rough, I don't understand why some men do that, but you are not alone. You have come to the right place, there is tonnes of support on here. There is also a single parenting section which might help. Good luck :hugs:
     
  3. Serene123

    Serene123 Guest

    Jesus Christ! Why are men such arses?

    :hugs: Congratulations on your pregnancy. There will be plenty of support here x
     
  4. woadie

    woadie Well-Known Member

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    Hiya and thanks Toria... it's scary.... I'm still in shock... but determined to cope :).... it's lovely to see how fantastically supportive everyone is here :D
     
  5. JessiHD

    JessiHD Mummy to Joshua :)

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    Oh how awful! It always amazes me how men of forty can behave like their fourteen when it comes to their responsibilities. I was brought up in a single parent family and I believe that in a way it has been a blessing for both me and my mum. I think that we have a close bond in a way that we wouldn't have if I had two parents bringing me up and that is why the single parent family is very special to me. In all honesty, I think that he will miss out far more than you or the child and I wouldn't be surprised that once the child is born he will want to have his 'right' to see the child.

    Stay strong.
    X
     
  6. Pretty Sakura

    Pretty Sakura Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry, your situation absolutely breaks my heart.:cry: Glad you joined bnb there are plenty of women on here to give support.. Even though I can't personally relate, you are not alone. Coming from a pregnancy that only my mom wanted, I know that despite having to raise this child without their father , YOUR love will be enough.You already sound stronger than you think. :hugs:
     
  7. FierceAngel

    FierceAngel Guest

    hello and welcome to bnb xxxx
     
  8. hancake100

    hancake100 Mummy to a princess x

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    Hello :hi:
    Welcome to bnb hun!! :yipee: xxx
     
  9. Jessa

    Jessa Guest

    :hi: Welcome to BnB! I hope you find all the support you need here!
     
  10. woadie

    woadie Well-Known Member

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    A big thanks to all of you for your welcomes and support :)

    I've since had my own heart rebroken several times reading the single parents boards and how others have been treated... I'm only glad that there are lots of mums to be with decent guys as well :)... I'd hate to think all children are born out of unhappiness (even though there are some incredibly strong and positive girls out there who I really admire and am amazed by).

    I know I'll get the support I need here, this forum is a complete Godsend :)

    Thanks again!
     
  11. Aster

    Aster Pregnant and loving it!

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    Hi and welcome to BnB! You are so strong and I am so much in awe of you! Big hugs and I am sorry about the situation that you find yourself in but you are such an inspiration! You go girl!!! Sending you huge hugs and lots of love!
    :kiss::kiss::hugs::hugs::kiss::kiss:

    Aster xxx
     
  12. smartiepants

    smartiepants Well-Known Member

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    Hi, I'm sorry to hear your ex is such a shitbag but it sounds like you're better off without him. And you are better off, you can cope and you will get the financial support you need in the form of tax credits etc. The government are very supportive of working mothers and you will certainly be able to afford childcare.

    I plan on doing it alone and whilst it's my decision to do so, I don't believe it's impossible. There will be times when you do struggle, but it will all be worth it in the end.

    Good luck.
     
  13. Sam01

    Sam01 New Member

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    Having a child was the best thing that ever happened to me, I thought it would be good but wow it's amazing. I'm not in the same situation as you, i'm married but I know you are going to be just fine. When you have the baby make sure you join lots of groups like Tumble tots, Swimming, mother and baby etc. This is a good way to meet friends and the bonus is you already have something in common. You are going to be just fine hun i'm sure of. as for your ex he is the one missing out not you, if he does come back with his tail between his legs then tell him where to go ha ha.
    Chin up

    Sam
     
  14. TrishyC

    TrishyC Mum of 2!

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    Hi there,

    I am amazed that this fella has not had the balls to break up with you in person... has your only communication been through emails?? That sucks! Have you seen his face when he has mentioned these things? I wouldn't be able to accept it that way.... Would it not give you more formal closure if you could look at the a$$ while he told you his honest feelings?? I don't get it. You deserve better that's for sure, but I think he owes you at least that much.
    All the best with your pregnancy hon, and the girls are right, there is a LOT of support out there these days, so you are gonna prosper!:hugs:
     
  15. Jkelmum

    Jkelmum Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to bnb if u are in uk u will get help towards childcare costs bnb is full of supportive people who will help you along your journey :hugs:
     
  16. xJG30

    xJG30 Tom & Mummy <3

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    https://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g146/GemLoux/welcome-1.gif
     

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