J
joyceysbb
Guest
Hello everyone :wave:
Sorry in advance about this long post
As you can tell I am new here , I have been browsing now and again but decided to finally join for hopefully some support and to gain some friends along the way
I have been feeling very alone for 10 years
10 years ago I had a miscarriage whilst in a past relationship. I was 21 at the time and as my family did not like my then boyfriend, they were very happy that I miscarried
After leaving the hospital, a day after the miscarriage, I went home and my mothers words were has it gone now? with an anticipated smile. When I said yes she couldnt hide how happy she was
On the day of the miscarriage , my family celebrated and I was not allowed to grieve. Nobody consoled me and it has never been mentioned since.
I was 11 weeks when I miscarried and despite the relationship ending. I was happy about the pregnancy as I have always wanted to be a mum.
I was heartbroken by the miscarriage but was made to feel like an idiot for feeling sad , so since then it is something that I have kept inside.
I have had to keep my grief inside whilst watching friends have child after child and it has been heartbreaking.
I met my OH 2 years after the miscarriage and we have been together for 10 years.
The longing to have a child has been with me since I miscarried and with each year that passed the feeling of loss never seems to have gone away.
My OH knows all about it and has been there for me during times when I have felt low, but understandably I can not expect him to totally understand my grief, as this was a pregnancy from a previous relationship
After 4 years of being together I did say that I wanted us to TTC but he was not ready . In 2009 I was diagnosed with prolactinoma after not having any periods for a year! . I was taking cabaglione for a number of months but my periods were still slow to return and then I started to take bromocriptine and my periods became regular. I began to ovulate regularly and we decided to TTC August 2012.
I honestly thought it would maybe take a few months but it has now been a year and I feel so disappointed.
I feel as If my worst fear could be a reality.
The reason I feel so alone is I feel that I have been grieving alone for 10 years . I did not have the option to TTC straight after the miscarriage and feel like I have been waiting and waiting for 10 years. I feel like I am waiting all over again
I hate to admit this but there are times when I do have some resentment towards my OH for making me wait 9 years into the relationship before TTC and I am now 33
Is this wrong of me?
What also bothers me is the way my mother is now putting pressure on me to get pregnant. because she likes my OH and now wants to be a grandparent, because she now feels left out as all her friends are grandparents.
I find this so selfish and it annoys me so much. She treated my other pregnancy as an inconvenience and prayed it would end (literally). Which it did, she didnt care about how I felt.
She was actually angry with me , yes angry.. Because she said I was taking to long to think about having kids
Funny how things turn around
So thats my story so far, hope it wasnt too much of a rant lol
So we have been trying for a year now
I have used OPKs and been Temping for the last 3 months to show my Endocrinologist who I see next month
I ovulate on days 14-16 . We BD every other day from day 10 and me and OH take Vitamins
I try to remain positive but it really is a lot easier said than done when getting a BFP seems so far out of reach.
I look forward to sharing the rest of my journey with you ladies and wish you all the best xx
Sorry in advance about this long post
As you can tell I am new here , I have been browsing now and again but decided to finally join for hopefully some support and to gain some friends along the way
I have been feeling very alone for 10 years
10 years ago I had a miscarriage whilst in a past relationship. I was 21 at the time and as my family did not like my then boyfriend, they were very happy that I miscarried
After leaving the hospital, a day after the miscarriage, I went home and my mothers words were has it gone now? with an anticipated smile. When I said yes she couldnt hide how happy she was
On the day of the miscarriage , my family celebrated and I was not allowed to grieve. Nobody consoled me and it has never been mentioned since.
I was 11 weeks when I miscarried and despite the relationship ending. I was happy about the pregnancy as I have always wanted to be a mum.
I was heartbroken by the miscarriage but was made to feel like an idiot for feeling sad , so since then it is something that I have kept inside.
I have had to keep my grief inside whilst watching friends have child after child and it has been heartbreaking.
I met my OH 2 years after the miscarriage and we have been together for 10 years.
The longing to have a child has been with me since I miscarried and with each year that passed the feeling of loss never seems to have gone away.
My OH knows all about it and has been there for me during times when I have felt low, but understandably I can not expect him to totally understand my grief, as this was a pregnancy from a previous relationship
After 4 years of being together I did say that I wanted us to TTC but he was not ready . In 2009 I was diagnosed with prolactinoma after not having any periods for a year! . I was taking cabaglione for a number of months but my periods were still slow to return and then I started to take bromocriptine and my periods became regular. I began to ovulate regularly and we decided to TTC August 2012.
I honestly thought it would maybe take a few months but it has now been a year and I feel so disappointed.
I feel as If my worst fear could be a reality.
The reason I feel so alone is I feel that I have been grieving alone for 10 years . I did not have the option to TTC straight after the miscarriage and feel like I have been waiting and waiting for 10 years. I feel like I am waiting all over again
I hate to admit this but there are times when I do have some resentment towards my OH for making me wait 9 years into the relationship before TTC and I am now 33
Is this wrong of me?
What also bothers me is the way my mother is now putting pressure on me to get pregnant. because she likes my OH and now wants to be a grandparent, because she now feels left out as all her friends are grandparents.
I find this so selfish and it annoys me so much. She treated my other pregnancy as an inconvenience and prayed it would end (literally). Which it did, she didnt care about how I felt.
She was actually angry with me , yes angry.. Because she said I was taking to long to think about having kids
Funny how things turn around
So thats my story so far, hope it wasnt too much of a rant lol
So we have been trying for a year now
I have used OPKs and been Temping for the last 3 months to show my Endocrinologist who I see next month
I ovulate on days 14-16 . We BD every other day from day 10 and me and OH take Vitamins
I try to remain positive but it really is a lot easier said than done when getting a BFP seems so far out of reach.
I look forward to sharing the rest of my journey with you ladies and wish you all the best xx