Nightmares about my MC.........help please..

[Kaylattc]

I have been in the MC section because I am currently losing my baby right now. But before this I had a second tri mc and now I am going through those emotions again and it's really bothering me.

Last night I had a dream about my last MC and I was holding the big gray sac and my baby was inside. It was a terrible dream and I woke up cryin thinking I am going to have this. Happen again. Except this time my mc is before 7 weeks so I know that I won't be pushing out anything large but I can't stop thinking about my other baby and how little it was and how I couldn't help. And I feel so helpless and I cant get the images of my last mc out of my head it's like I'm being tortured..... Ps I'm in so much pain physically from my mc and still not blood. I hate this I want it over and I am not in control just sitting here helpless is killing me...

Has anyone else gone through this?

 

[Hellylou]

I am so sorry to hear this. I can only imagine what you are going through now is bringing up terrible memories. If it helps to talk it through we are here to listen. Sometimes telling the story helps to get it all out.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Your feelings are normal, you are going through hell right now and I am so deeply sorry I think the dreams are just your body and mind trying to cope in some way or figure out how you will get through this.
After I lost Ava I had to stay 3 days with her in me and I swore for those 3 days she moved I know she was gone but my mind and heart was not ready to accept that. We have a defense mechanism and sometimes it is good and sometimes not so good.

Your loss is so new , you need time to get through this and heal. It took me 10 months to feel better and be able to go to sleep without crying.

Like Helen said talk about this get your feelings out and don't ever keep them in, we are ALL here for you.. XOXOOX Andrea

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm so sorry you are going through another loss honey. I can only imagine the pain you are in, emotionally and physically. I think you are bound to re-live the last time. I also think that if there are any feelings from that time that were left unexplored then they may resurface for you now. As Helen says, if it helps in any way to get your stories out, then we are here to listen. We are here to listen to whatever you want to say really. I wish you gentle days and I hope the physical part is at least over soon for you. I'm sorry for the bad dreams. xxx

 

[jennijunni]

I am so sorry. I hope you start to feel some comfort. Hugs!! I too had a lot of nightmares, and still do sometimes. I think it is our body dealing with the stress of the loss. Hugs.

 

[amotherslove]

i'm so sorry.. i have had nightmares off and on since i lost lily.. her coming out and being cut in half (which she was because of my contractions and the sac abnormalities) , there being a "twin" we didn't know about and miscarrying the twin and it/her being aloive and theres nothing i can do to save her.. nobody helping (reflecting the way i feel about my friends and fam because i'm so alone in this. i hope the dreams subside for you thinkign about you.

 

[Bride2b]

I just want to echo what the others have said really, we are here for you, and am so sorry for the heartache you have gone through. I dont think losing a baby is easy at any stage, but it looks like you have had your fair share of bad times no wonder your mind is working overtime to try and make sense of it all.

We cant help much for the physical pain except I guess say that you need to get plenty of rest as your body is going through it. Emotionally it really does help to talk about the losses you have had - I am sure you have found this in the past.

 

[OliveBay]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. After losing my little boy at 22 weeks in September I recently had a very early miscarriage (I was only about 5 weeks, but I'd had a few positive tests and AF was definitely late). For me the physical side of it wasn't that bad, it was just like AF, but I was earlier than you. I have found that since then I've had a few strange labour dreams, one where I ended up delivering a stillborn baby, which really upset me when I woke up (although in my dream I strangely dealt with it really easily). I have found the emotional side of the second loss the main difficult thing to deal with, but am starting to regain my positivity now.

Anyway, I don't know if any of that helps but I just wanted to share my experience. Please look after yourself and allow yourself plenty of rest and time to recover. I believe that dreams are our brain's way of dealing with things that are worrying us - you are understandably going through a really tough emotional time right now. I think it is natural for certain memories or emotions to be re-surfacing. Just be gentle on yourself and maybe give yourself time to feel all of these sad emotions without holding them in - let them all out and work through them, giving them the time and attention they are demanding.

Sorry for rambling. I hope you sleep better tonight. Take care of yourself

 

[Kaylattc]

Thank you so much. All of you are helping me. It makes me feel better when I can make sense of what is happening and all of you have done that for me..

I understand that it IS my way of dealing with all of this..

I had a sec tri loss and then a birth then a loss following more losses and I am sick of it and so very disturber by these dreams I hate it.

And not to be a bad person but I want this thin that dead in me out but do some reason it's not happening and it s really messing with my head..

I feel like my babys spirit is gone and the only thing left is just a shell he is not there anymore....

 

[OliveBay]

I know what you mean about wanting it out of you. When I found out my baby had died at 22 weeks it was 4 or 5 days before I went back to the hospital to be induced. For the first couple of days I couldn't bear to touch or look at my bump as I felt so freaked out by the fact that my baby was dead in there. I feel so horrible saying it, but I was just disgusted by my body and the fact that it had failed me so badly. But once I'd got over the shock after a couple of days, I felt really protective of him and realised that this was a baby we had loved and wanted and there really wasn't anything scary or horrible about him.

You haven't said what medical advice you've been given - have you spoken to a doctor and are you awaiting results or a procedure? I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way right now and I hope this is over for you soon so that you can move on with grieving - I imagine it is a little like being in limbo at the moment and I hope you can move on soon.

 

[Kaylattc]

I am going in tomorrow for an u/s to see what is happening. They said on the phone I would be given medication to make this happen but I didn't want it but now I think I will hange my mind..

I understand maybe I will feel that way.. Well I do sometimes but I keep having nightmares and it's messing with me really bad..

I feel terrible and I just want my baby back.

 

[OliveBay]

Hopefully tomorrow you can talk to some medical staff at your ultrasound and get some advice or support. This is such a hard thing to go through and it is totally natural to be feeling how you are right now. Please be gentle on yourself. Sending you lots of love and support

 

[Kaylattc]

I wrote about what happened in the reoccurring Miscarrage thread..

I'm so upset.. I want this over. I feel like I'm stuck in my own nightmare...

 

[OliveBay]

Hi Kayla, I just had a look at that thread. I'm so sorry you're still going through this. Be strong honey, you'll get through it

 

[Kaylattc]

Thank you

 

[Kaylattc]

Awe I'm so sorry. That so terrible.

Do you know why I still have fetal tissue but my urine test is negative? He did do one is the office he just asked me if I'm still testing positive at home. I told him no and all he did was do an ultrasound and said there is tissue and that I would have to wait until it passes which he sai can take up to a month and when I do pass tissue I should put it in the fride immediately for pathology... And that was it...

I'm so confused. Someone said I would be positive urine still if I had tissue in there and now in confused... I was crying the whole time and now I'm thinking I missed something at te doctors.....My doctor told me to come it in three weeks and e will do an u/s and blood test and see if all is well so that it will not affect my next pregnancy.

Do you know why my hcg levels would affect my next pregnancy?

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm sorry I don't know, maybe you'd get more knowledgeable answers in the miscarriage part of the loss section? We are happy to support you emotionally but the ladies over there may have more good knowledge on the physical part of this? I'm so sorry you are going though this and am guessing you need some answers soon honey - it may be quicker for you to get them there? I hope it all becomes clear for you soon and the physical part at least is over quickly, I know waiting in limbo must be hellish for you. xxx

 

[Kaylattc]

I am talking to them. Thanks I was just updating on here..

Thank you.

 

[Nikki_d72]

Oh good, I just didn't want you hanging around for ages waiting on one of us who knows, I think there are a few on here who've gone through miscarriages but not many, thought you'd get a quicker response on there. Have you found anything out about the test and the tissue? It's so hard to concentrate on what the docs are telling you while you're in the midst of it all - I know my head was mush and it still is, really! i hope you get answers soon. xx

 

[tummymummy]

Im so sorry your going through his hun. Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx