no contact begins!

[surprisebaby]

For anyone who does not know my situation, basically it is that as soon as I found out I was pregnant at 3 1/2 weeks pregnant, i texted my boyfriend and told him the news (beginning of August). I never heard from him again (i tried to contact him loads) until last week when I wrote a letter to his parent's home address. He emailed me that day, saying he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby (wants me now to get an abortion - even though i am over 18 weeks!- idiot!) and that he will provide financially.. He thinks I have ruined his life! He also had said he would not contact me and doesn't want me to contact him.

Ok that was a little summary there. I wrote back to him last Thursday saying I would go the CSA etc and decided from that day that NO CONTACT begins. So it's been over a week now. He didn't reply to my last message, which is fine I didn't expect him too.

I think I am doing quite well though cos this week I had a scan and normally I would have wrote an email inviting him to it and also an email with the new scan pictures. This time I didn't do anything!!!! And I kind of don't want to which is good. I am still waiting to hear from his mum and dad to see if they want to be involved as grandparents, but have not heard from them. It's been a week and a half now. So have no idea what they will do... Maybe they just will not reply.

But I think thats it. I'll wait till end of November for them to reply and if they don't I will send another letter, and put in FOB'S email he wrote me, saying I am glad I know where I stand now and thanks for getting him to contact me.

But I am sort of thinking I am not making any more effort at all to get him to be involved. He has made his decision and will just have to live with that. I am not sure whether to let him know when baby is born or not? Thats a long way off though.

I think I might start dating again, although thats a bit weird when I am pregnant! Actually I thought this was weird, my sister went to the bank the other day and a guy who knows us both kept asking about my situation, like was I single now, and information about me being pregnant, and how he finds it awkward asking people on dates. Ok so I am not interested in him, but it just goes to show some guys would a date a pregnant woman!

 

[BeckyxBoo]

Really sorry to hear about this.. i have a friend who had the same kind of thing happen to her.. im so sorry to hear about this again but at en of day all u need to think about it u and ur baby.. no1 else matters x x​

 

[louise85]

First of all a massive WELL DONE for not contacting him! I'm really struggling at the minute with the no contact thing so good on you!

If they can't be arsed to find out for themselves then why should we have to run about telling them, you feel so stupid when you know you won't get a response

I would definately send one more letter to his parents just saying thanx for letting me know where I stand, I can't believe how people (men!!!) can just carry on living their lives knowing they've got a baby on the way, or even out there somewhere already, they have no morals or sense of responsibility!!

Hope you keep up your no contact, might make him think and wonder whats happening and what he's missing! Good on you

 

[lillprutten]

I'm sorry, I am just going thru the stage of getting used of not meeting him or having any contact whatsoever myself as well xxx We can maybe support each other thru this? xxx

 

[tinkerbellita]

Well done on being strong, I'm in similar position yet have no means of contact with fob. I would however send the rents one more letter with a copy of the email.

It's hard having no contact with fob, yet it gets easier with time. I understand how frustrating it can be. x x x

 

[surprisebaby]

I'm sorry, I am just going thru the stage of getting used of not meeting him or having any contact whatsoever myself as well xxx We can maybe support each other thru this? xxx

Ok... well I think maybe you need to tell him your decision and let him choose from what you have decided, instead of him giving you two options. You call the shots.... say what you're doing and see what he does. I still like my fob in a way as well, but he is not exactly offering anything! I think we deserve more than that. I have decided that there are so many other guys who could offer so much more, even if it's not their child. I have decided to keep my options open when it comes to guys. From now on I am going to not just date one person, but maybe three and they can compete between themselves to try and win me over. I just think what your fob is offering is basically a plateful of manipulation? Mine is offering avoidance and a heartless attitude. And I have decided thats not what I want to be offered. So if fob in future wants me to consider him as an option he'll need to offer a million times more and complete change of heart if I'm to be interested in him again.

I think it will be too hard to do no contact with yours until you tell him your decision for sure and he says what he thinks back.

I don't not think he has feelings for you.I just think that just now his feelings for what he wants for his own life have become more important than you, if that makes sense. x

 

[surprisebaby]

Well done on being strong, I'm in similar position yet have no means of contact with fob. I would however send the rents one more letter with a copy of the email.

It's hard having no contact with fob, yet it gets easier with time. I understand how frustrating it can be. x x x

I am much better now that he has told me where I stand. It has taken away the desire to contact him a lot. I only feel it a little bit now. xx

 

[lou_w34]

Well done!
Youll feel so much better for it!

I would send his parents another letter, but maybe you could hand deliver it to them? Just knock on their door and hand it over, that way you know that they deffinatley recieved this letter. Then again, a week and a half isnt that long, and if they did get the last letter i expect they are under a lot of pressure from their son, so it may take them a while to get their arses in gear lol

xx

 

[teal]

Well done you! I'm glad you're feeling better about it

I don't have any contact with my ex - his choice - I wouldn't stop him if he wanted to be involved but he doesn't xx

 

[lillprutten]

I think you are able to think more sensible than I perhaps about the offering part.
All I know is that I want the baby far more than him and that this is my decision.

 

[MissE007]

His parents will probably become more responsive once the baby's here and you contact them and FOB to let them know. It'll be a lot easier for them to comprehend once they actually have the opportunity to see their grandchild in the flesh because for now there isn't really much else to discuss about the situation, other than knowing due dates etc. and remember they don't know you too well so maybe the silence is due to them not really knowing what to say for the time being.

Hopefully, the reality of it all will sink in for FOB around the same time too. As hard as it may be I would leave off sending anything too harsh involving FOB just in case you come across as being too angry or unreasonable and they then get put off from contacting you in the future. Because as much of a pig their son is, in a situation between a stranger and their son they will more likely take his side.

 

[meztisa]

I hope I can be as strong as you, you have discipline I admire. I've been worried about dating again too. I don't feel as sexy being a mommy though.... (She's 6 months already, so I am no longer preggers!)

 

[bek74]

I think what you have done is wonderful and completely the right thing to do by your baby.
Once bub is born, I would send a pic to him and his parents with bubs birth details (date,height, weight, length, name etc). With his parents I would offer them rights to be involved and to visit bub if they so desire. Sometimes the ex's parents don't think you want them involved because there son isn't doing the right thing.
I would probably make it clear that they are welcome but not expected.

Again, I think by doing what you have done is so wonderful and you know when your child one days asks about their father, that you did all you could and gave him every opportunity to be involved. Well one



wanted to add I am not a single parent but have friends that are and admire each and everyone of you.

 

[starbucks101]

Be careful how you tread now with his parents. You've done the right thing but i would hold off sending them anything else. Remember blood is thicker than water! and untill that little bubba of yours arrives you are just water!

Keep your chin up i think your doing a fantastic job! xxxx

 

[surprisebaby]

I hope I can be as strong as you, you have discipline I admire. I've been worried about dating again too. I don't feel as sexy being a mommy though.... (She's 6 months already, so I am no longer preggers!)

Your baby is really cute!!! I remember when I was at Art school, a tutor said he finds mums much sexier! I have two other children and having children has not stopped men liking me. They still ask me out etc. But being pregnant is a little different. oh well I am not that bothered about going out with anyone right now. But we'll see!!
xxx

 

[Novbaby08]

It really is hard to avoid them. Especially when your pregnant, I know how you feel. When I was pregnant I was constantly sending stuff to Harley's dad's family about my pregnancy (he blocked me after we broke up) finally after she was born it got less and less and now I ignore them when they talk to me. Infact I didn't even say anything to them about Harley's 1st birthday party.

 

[danny979]

I'm very sorry about that. He is an irresponsible guy, not need to think about him. I think you are strong enough to take care your baby. You still have you parents and friends. Without him, you and your baby still live happily, I strongly believe that.
Anyway I wish you have good time in Greeting Season and Happy New Year.
See ya.

 

[babybaillie]

Its really sad hes chosen to have no contact. Did u send a separate latter to his parents? I think the fact they havent replied either means they want nothing to do with the baby or dont no. If u dont hear anything i wouldnt go contacting them. You have said u will make no more contact. I think for ur own self respect i would just stick to that. There loss

Dating.... just be careful hun. U dont wanna rush into anything because FOB has hurt u. I would leave off on the dating for now, and concentrate on u and the baby. My opinion is what sort of man would want to date a woman pregnant with another mans baby.... but thats just how i feel. I personally couldnt date anyone else whilst pregnant. and when i was preg with my 1st. I waited until my LO was 6 months b4 i started dating again. Just felt devoting all my time to me and DS was all i needed

Good luck with whatever u decide to do....

 

[Foxxy]

Yes it's always good to know where u r standing!
It's understandable why u was sending him e-mails and etc...i felt exactly the same way when i was pregnant. But as long as he has made his choice (well obviously much before u have started e-mailing him about scans and etc) no need to contact him again. I know it's hard (for me it was that way at least) but u have no other option really. And probably u have already fed up from all these be strong and etc. but that's the way it is!
So lots og hugs!!!
And yes as other girls said - no more letter to his parents until little one will be born.
Time will show everything. Remember )))

 

[Rachel_ni]

I am about 12 weeks pregnant now, and the same thing is happening to me... my ex boyfriend (the baby daddy) wants nothing to do with me or the baby. I don't know what way to approach it, but right now, Im just so excited I haven't given it much thought! Of course it's only right that my baby has a father figure in his/her life, but if this father figure doesn't want to be apart of their life, is it really worth it?! I keep telling myself that it's early days yet and he might 'come round' in a while.... but who knows!

For now, the only thing I worry about it having a happy and healthy little baby!!x