I am so glad that he couldn't get custody thank you for posting.
@weeplin--
Does you LO know her dad? Unless my FOB comes out of the blue and tries to get visitation my LO will never meet him and I don't know what to tell him when he gets older and asks about his dad
My daughter just found out about her dad. She knows his name, where he is and has a photo of him but she has never met him. When I told her she asked why i didn't tell her before and I told her that I couldn't tell her before because she was too little and couldn't understand and I had to wait for her to be a big girl. She was very accepting of this and even came up with examples of why she wouldn't of understood.
I suggest when the time comes to tell your child try and stick as close to the truth as you can and keep it simple, as he gets older he will require more indepth answers (I can't help you there yet haha!). Aimee knows that me and her father didn't go out for long and weren't friends after. I told her that because of this we lost touch which is the truth. I also told her he lives far away which made it difficult too which was the truth too. I never however tell her any bad things, like her dad wanting me to get a termination or any arguments. She doesn't need to know this, it doesn't make him a bad person. He was just young which is quite possibly the case with your little ones father. Boys mature at a slower rate than girls.
Well her father Is older then me (21) but thats still young, and he probably isn't as bad of a person as i think he is, its just it ended bad and it wasn't even a good relationship to begin with, we moved fast and he isolated me from friends and family but w/e thats old news...
Was she hurt at all by him not being involved?
Did you bring it up or did she ask?
How do you know when to tell them?
Oh dear..been there too. Jason's dad isolated me from everyone too
Things happen, you just have to do what you think is best.
No, I wouldn't say she was hurt. This may grow as she gets older though and understands more and more though. Right now she is just happy to know who he is and have a picture, she was excited and loved pointing out that she has the same chin as him and wanted to make him things. She does want to meet him and I am allowing this because he really wants to be involved too, just his girlfriend is making it difficult so right now all she knows is that he is a bit busy and has to get time off work. She mentions him less and less as time passes.
I brought it up. It needed to be done and she deserved to know the truth and where she came from. She is 7 now and I really wanted to do it before she hit preteen and teen so it had time to sink in before she entered a difficult point in her life (we all know being a girl going through puberty is difficult!).
Ideally I would say its best that children know where they come from from the get go, I didn't because like you I didn't know what to do and when I met Jasons dad (when aimee was 3) he kinda took over the whole dad thing so it never came up. Every child develops differently and its up to you to decide when you think your child is able to understand the simple side of what happened and who their father is. I would be prepared for it once you little one starts school though as that is when he will see all his friends daddies. I would keep a photo if you can so you have it to show and take not of things like his birthday etc..my daughter was really happy knowing that.
