no reason not to ttc but too scared even though i'm broody!

[mrsp3]

hi everyone, i've been lurking on this forum for about 6 months and have literally got to the point where i spend more time on it than i do working!! I have learnt so much and love reading everyones journals (especially when the wtt get pregnant!!. I just wondered if any of you who are wtt or those who have gone onto ttc have experienced mixed feelings about ttc throughout the month.. what i mean is for one week i am literally baby obsessed- google pregnant celebs, come on here, watch baby story, count how many weeks until i could possibly conceive, then how many weeks until i'd be giving birth, work out what month would be the best to conceive, and what month would be the best to give birth. Anything baby related i love. and i am OBSESSED with prams, i just can't wait to have a stokke or bugaboo with a lovely baby to push down the street. Then the next week the thought of having a baby leaves me cold, i just think how much hard work it is, feel scared at the responsibility, dont like the idea of having kids aged 5 years plus (god this sounds awful) think about all the things i won't be able to do whilst pregnant and afterwards..none of my friends are wtt or ttc so worry that i'd feel lonely. you name it. The thing is i swing from one opinion to the other and have done for years literally week by week. i've felt like this ever since i was 23 -i'm 26 now - would be 27 by the time i gave birth, married 2 years, own a house, lovely husband, career settled- self employed interior designer, got a car, dog, financially comfortable and supportive family. There really is no reason not to have a baby and yet i can't bring myself to actively try. right now were using the withdrawl method and have done for 2 years. part of me wishes we could just have an accident and i know i'd be happy (if slightly scared!) and i'd be a good mum. i just wish i knew how i felt about it. everyone else seems to know where they stand. i know you'll prob say if i don't know then i shouldn't do it, but right now i'm so obsessed with having a baby and loving the idea but at the same time terrified of doing it too soon. anyone else feel the same?

 

[Chickadee3]

I think the way you're feeling is very normal. It is natural to have some worry about such a life changing thing. As long as you and your partner and both ready then GO FOR IT. I bet once you're pregnant your doubts and worries will slowly fade away to pure excitement and joy. Good Luck!

 

[mrsp3]

thanks chickadee. is that how you felt before you conceived?

 

[x Nicki x]

I think the way you're feeling is very normal. It is natural to have some worry about such a life changing thing. As long as you and your partner and both ready then GO FOR IT. I bet once you're pregnant your doubts and worries will slowly fade away to pure excitement and joy. Good Luck!

Great advice, I agree I'm sure your worries would soon turn to excitement.

 

[Chickadee3]

Yes it is exactly how I felt. My broodiness just increased drastically each month until it finally overpowered any doubts or fears that I had. Once we we're pregnant I never looked back. Never doubted our decision or worried that we had made a "mistake". It all works out just perfectly, you just have to take that leap.

& It sounds to me that you and your partner are in an ideal position to start a family.

Have you talked to your partner about your fears much? Maybe he could help ease your mind about things?

 

[mrsp3]

yeah every time i'm going through a broody week i talk to him about it and ask him how he feels. he's a bit older (i'm 26 and he's 33) and without fail if i'm feeling broody he says he's just so happy and enjoying his life at the moment and that he doesn't feel the need to change anything. but then if i leave him alone for a bit or i'm not feeling broody for a couple of months he asks when i'm gonna make him a dad and talks about it quite a lot. i think subconsciously we both feel the opposite of eachother so that we're never both broody at the same time and have to do something about it...

 

[carbafe]

This is how I feel at the moment .... Our plan is for me to come off of the pill next month and start TTC but this month I have been terrified and started talking myself out of it. I keep thinking maybe we should wait till we move house or Hubby gets a job with his degree (he has a fairly good job just now though) Aaa I feel really freaked out ! My mum said to me a while ago if you waited till the time was 'right' you would never have kids I am 26 as well and been married for 7 months. We both have jobs and own our house but I am still worried its to soon lol

 

[Chickadee3]

I have always heard that saying... if you wait until the time is right, or you can afford them...you'll never have kids. There is a lot of truth to that!

I think your husband is in the same place as you. He wants kids but he also has his fears. I think ya just need to get on the same page and DO IT =)

 

[Broody85]

Maybe its because you have felt broody and wanted this (all be it on and off) for so long that the thought of actually being in the position to be able to do it scares you. I dont really know how to word what i want to say but i know for a fact that once i am in the position of being able to ttc i will brick it lol.

Also I get like this each month. I have a week or so where im super broody then other times im not all too bothered (although deep down i know i am)

 

[Amygdala]

I felt exactly like this about half a year ago. With time the worries got less though and now I'm mainly excited. The way I look at it when I worry is this: When I'm 50 and too old to have babies, what would I regret more: Having had them a few years "too early" or not having any at all. I think once you make that leap and go for it, you won't look back. But I know a few people who know wished they'd done it in their 20s.

 

[mrsp3]

thanks for all your replies, its really helping me hearing that i'm not the only one who feels like this. i'm thinking of maybe starting to try next month so we'll see if i can go through with it! also just to add another thing in..! how i'm feeling about it totally depends on who i've been hanging out with... if its my younger hip sister who works in fashion and goes out all the time i feel like a total granny with a stepford wife life and then think i'm doing this too soon, as she's only 18 months younger and really enjoys going out every night etc... but then if i'm around my husbands friends or family who all have babies i feel like i need to urgently catch up and what the hell am i waiting for. The other thing that worries me is that i'd be having a baby for the right reasons. Dh's sister in law (his brother's wife) had a baby a month ago and my broodiness has been in overdrive ever since... when she announced her pregnancy i was sooo jealous and so i worry that there's a bit of competitiveness going on too as the in laws have been all over her like a rash and i've felt a bit left out.

 

[~MrsF~]

Hi MrsP3! Thanks for posting becase I can totally relate! Have just been given the ok to TTC from hubby and I am alternating between feeling excited and totally freaked out!! I can even relate to your feelings of competitiveness with other girls who have babies. And I'm scared about our lifestyle changing and not being able to earn as much money etc. Feels like a big mish mash of emotions for me. But like the other girls wrote I am just going to go for it! I have 8 more pills to take and then I am coming off the pill and hoping for the best. Best of luck ladies xx

 

[JCsquaredd]

Thank you for this post, it is so honest. I feel the -same- way as you. DH and I have been together a long time, own a home, stable income, cats, a dog, health care.. there really isn't a reason NOT to ttc. Some days I hope I'm pregnant and then the next day I'm terrified and put off by the possibility of it! It's so confusing! I agree with the sentiments of the other commenters, I think once you "take the leap" and ttc and do conceive everything will make sense and you'll both be excited GL to you!

 

[mrsp3]

Encouraged by all your replies i have just spent a small fortune at boots buying a body base thermometer kit, loads of pregnancy tests (my favourite indulgence- doing tests even when i think im not and then feeling gutted when its negative ) and some ovulation tester kits. Felt nervous buying them- was checking over my shoulder to make sure i wouldn't bump into anyone i know and have them inevitably check the contents of my basket.. (or is it just me that does that to others in the supermarket??). Think my whole life i've always had to wait for things I really wanted to do (buy a house, get engaged etc.., get a dog) that generally depended on someone else making the decision that with me being in charge of this (dh says the ball is in my court but is v non commital about it) i'm waiting for someone to give me the green light or to feel that I have waited long enough to have earnt it... ladies please keep posting your thoughts on your situations, i love reading how you all feel about it and having others to relate to

 

[Hippietea]

I feel the same, don't worry. I'm absolutely obsessed, but at the same time, i feel a different kind of broody now I am at a point in life where I can TTC. Last year when I was at uni, I was excruciatingly broody, I suppose because I knew I couldnt TTC at that point. But now it feels more 'real' so the little worries are bubbling to the surface, especially as I failed uni. There's alway's this 'what if I study some more, maybe then I will get my perfect life'. It's not easy letting go of the perfect vision of how you wanted your life before you TTC, but as others have said, life is never perfect.

 

[Chickadee3]

Glad you're taking steps in the ttc direction. Please keep us updated along your journey

 

[plutosblue]

Awww sweet your not alone, one moment I am all for it, the next I am trembling at the thought, I plan to just close my eyes and go for it! I think people are always afraid of change, even if it is for the better, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and have a little faith. Things work themselves out and you are in the best position you can be in.

Good luck

 

[mrsp3]

hi ladies, hope you're all having a lovely weekend... guess what? my broodiness has gone down a bit, which im dissapointed about- prob means i wont be brave enough to ttc for a while. Went for a walk with one of my neighbours who has a month old beautiful baby girl. Was asking her loads of questions about how she felt before she ttc and what it was like having a newborn.. she gave me the typical answer that everyone in my social group seems to share which is 'your 26? oh my god thats sooo young! you've got plenty of time' arrrrrggghh! i hate that patronising tone. But at the same time it probably stirs up my concerns that i am too young and should wait a year. not that anything would change, it would literally be a case of a few more holidays, a few more projects (interior design projects) done and a more nights out with our friends..
Feel like such a chicken, having gone mad and told my sister about it, posted on here and told all my close neighbours that i'm prob not going to do anything about it. That said we may have had an oopsie this morning so we'll see! carbafe, mrs f, jcsquared, hippietea and all the others that are experiencing similar confused feelings... how are you getting on with your broodiness? any closer to making a decision? or going for it? am thinking of making a journal or group.. not really sure how these things work but don't want to keep sending this post to the top by writing things on this post as i'm not sure how interesting it is to most others on wtt... but i'd love to keep hearing from others that are feeling the same mixed feelings.. anyone know of a wtt journal that relates to this?

 

[xsophiexleax]

Honestly, I think you should go for it
It's normal to have mixed feelings, it's a life changing commitment! But it would change your life for the better
And I don't think 26 is too young at all! I'm feeling broody at 18, that's young
Whatever you decide to do, good luck keep us posted x

 

[carbafe]

mrsp3 I am feeling very broody this month and even said to Hubby maybe I should stop after this packet (I only have 2 left) he said we could if you want .. and then I thought aaaahhh no lets just wait till nect month like we planned Its the strangest feeling I sooo want a baby but I am terrifed to actually take the plunge I think we will carrying on with the plan that I come off after my next packet is finished.