'Nobody likes me'

[lau86]

My four yr old said this yesterday... He had been shouting at the baby and made her cry, so hubby took his ball off him. I was comforting dd and he said 'I think nobody likes me'. I've tried to talk to him about it and have wondered where it's come from. If we tell him off sometimes he will say "you've made me sad now" which seems quite normal but this seems a bit much. I can't decided if this is just an attempt at manipulation, I hope he doesn't really feel that way. I explained we all like and love him very much but we can't let him shout at and upset his sister.

 

[Neko]

I think it's typical 4 year old behavior. Any time I upset my DD last year she would tell me "you're not my friend anymore". I think they start learning the power of words rather than physical outbursts around this age.

 

[caz_hills]

Oh bless. I have recently started getting 'you're not my friend anymore' and ' you're not coming to my party' (although it's three months away). But that is so hard - hopefully they don't mean it. Was it because he felt like you were with DD and he was on his own? Maybe try talking to him once it's calmed down and in the past? x

 

[lau86]

yes maybe, this was yesterday and I tried talking to him before, he didn't really say much. He never does, he just says 'mummy I'm too busy' or 'mummy I don't want to talk to you'. He is quite a complex character, his brother is an open book. It's difficult as sometimes he will push the buttons and do things he knows he shouldn't, so he may feel like he's always being told off. Idk. I think he struggles sharing mummy and daddy as well sometimes, even though he has special Lego time in the evenings etc

 

[OmarsMum]

My boy told me that "he hates me" and he will find a new mummy on his 4th birthday for telling him off.

I still get "I'm sad" and no body loves me when he doesn't get his way, I explained to him love is not affected by his behavior & we love him unconditionally. My son is also complex, this year I started to let him open up and speak about his emotions & feelings , to share what goes on with him at school.

When I used to ask him about his day at school his answer used to be "normal", if I used to ask him how he feels about something his answer was I feel neutral not happy or sad.

It gets easier when they are older xx

 

[minties]

Mine both say things like this. Sophie tells me she's never going to like me again and wants a new mummy often. It's like they are testing me to see how I respond.

 

[lau86]

Sorry to all of you that go through it too it really upset me I just thought this age was supposed to be so carefree and none of that stuff. It seems to be normal though which I'm glad about

 

[jd83]

My boys say things like that, too, when they are upset with each other or with me. If I hear them say it, I tell them we don't say we hate people or that we don't like them because that's not nice and hurts others. I tell them we can tell them we don't like what they did, etc. I guess I just hope that reinforcing that idea will stick at some point, that its the action, not the person, that they are disliking.

 

[lau86]

He does also say 'I don't like you mummy' sometimes, which I tell him isn't nice, but this was him saying 'nobody likes me'

 

[noon_child]

I think it is normal. If he says it again you can say "We like you; we do not like [insert unacceptable behaviour]". If you want to start the dialogue you could try the "When....I feel....I need you to" combination, for example "When you shout loudly around your sister she feels scared. I need you to use a quiet voice [you could add a big brother bit here too about wanting her to know her big brother will keep her safe, if you want]". This is assertive language but notice you aren't telling him off - you are making an observation about what consequences were and giving him instruction about what you expect from him next time.

 

[OmarsMum]

He does also say 'I don't like you mummy' sometimes, which I tell him isn't nice, but this was him saying 'nobody likes me'

Omar says the same if he's told off at school or if his friends tease him. I'm not sure about your child's personality but mine had some social & confidence issues, if I get angry he asks me if I still love him, his reactions are always extreme.

 

[jd83]

He does also say 'I don't like you mummy' sometimes, which I tell him isn't nice, but this was him saying 'nobody likes me'

Sorry, I think I forgot the original post had said that after reading a few other comments about kids saying they don't like someone.

I think if he says that, just reinforce to him that you love him, but you don't like whatever action got him in trouble.

 

[JesLynne]

I think it's very normal. My son has mentioned that in the past. Hang in there!

 

[JayPeters]

My little girl (5) has been saying everyone hates her at school, I know she definitely has a few friends there, but she just concentrates on the negatives, and basis it on one boy in her class who is mean to her. Its heartbreaking

 

[liz1985]

I think its normal. Ds is 4 and says similar things. My mum had to tell him off the other day for hurting dd while i was at work and he told her he didnt love her anymore because she wasnt nice to him.