Normal or should I be concerned?

[Maggs]

My SS just turned 12, visits us every 2nd weekend. He gets far too much liberty and freedom in my opinion, always has. The day he left here after Christmas, DH had to severely ground him after finding out a few bad things. They're all a concern to me but this is the most worrying one....his obsession with knives and guns. Yes I know he's a boy and all boys are like that, but at 12 I'd thought he'd have slightly grown out of this.

A few months back, he persuaded his Mom to buy him a knife from TK MAXX. I don't mean a little swiss army knife, I mean a massive 6 inch switch blade used by hunters, fishermen, etc. Without even opening it, DH took it from him telling how dangerous and illegal it is for him to have it. Well after searching through his mobile phone this weekend (because he was hiding things and going online without permission), DH has found pictures of ANOTHER identical knife that he persuaded his Mom to buy him again just a few weeks after the last one! He's opened it, taken pictures of him holding it and he texts his friends it. He's got it sitting unopened next to his bed where his other younger brother has access to it. He apparently has been getting up in the night, sneaking onto his mother's Ipad and watching movies via LoveFilm or one of these...anyways, rated 18 movies, zombie movies, etc. He's made himself a 'survival kit' of sorts after watching some random maniac guy on youtube talking about the end of the world and gathering necessities together. So now he's on about wanting all these tools, knives, etc. for his survival kit. I'm just beyond words! He's 12 and has a massive knife he plays with!! And to top it off, a few month back, he'd cut his finger cutting an apple and fainted here. So he shouldn't even have one at all as he could really do some damage.

He also spends far too much time with his Uncle (Mom's brother) who is a waste of space and a severe alcoholic, has drank since he was SS's age. I find lately, he seems to be 'idolizing' him. SS is not at all violent, well never has been before, but is very impressionable and naive.

I can't be the only one that thinks this obsession isn't normal??

 

[hellohefalump]

That's not good, you really need to open up communications with his mother.

 

[alicecooper]

That's ridiculous his mother buying him a ruddy great big knife.

My mam got me a little swiss army pocket knife when I was 15 because I was in the St. John's Ambulance Cadets and going on Duke of Edinburgh expedition, but that's a little different. It was only ever used as a tool (had a little pair of scissors on it, can opener, little screw driver) - very handy when camping out.

Sneaking and watching very violent 18 rated films in the middle of the night also concerns me.

I think your OH really needs to have a word with his ex. It's his son as well and he has the right to putting in his input when something like this is concerned.

 

[suzib76]

His obsessions are not the problem here, his mother is. Without her feeding his wants he wouldn't be able to become obsessive.

How difficult is it to put a code on an iPad, or hide it, or not buy your son a knife?

 

[Maggs]

Thing is we do all that. DH is forever telling her things need to change, grounding him, etc but nothing ever changes. She just continues to give him whatever he wants and he is just left to be unsupervised. Just getting worse now. I fear for what things will be like in a couple of years when he is bigger than us!

 

[suzib76]

If I were your Dh I would be launching myself a custody battle.

 

[MorganEvans]

That's pretty scary to even read.

 

[Eternal]

His obsessions are not the problem here, his mother is. Without her feeding his wants he wouldn't be able to become obsessive.

How difficult is it to put a code on an iPad, or hide it, or not buy your son a knife?

Agree with this! He is just following films etc.

I agree about custody too. His mother does not sound normal.

 

[tasha41]

TBH I would be examining the custody situation if she can't stop herself from giving in with him, that or contacting children's services if you've tried everything else & she is still giving him access to weapons.

 

[mumandco]

I would make him take the knife to the police station and ask them to have a word with him. They wouldn't punish him as such but I bet they'd scare him enough to think twice about having a big knife

 

[Maggs]

I don't really know what's going to happen to be honest. DH has not spoke much about it, think he's really upset and it's bothered him a lot that he's lying so much and she's been so slack about parenting. Definitely don't think he'd go for full custody though. I think he's hoping things will get better.

And yes I considered both calling children's services and marching him to the police. In fact, I told him I would and he was scared shitless. Just a constant concern and stress at the moment.

 

[suzib76]

I don't really know what's going to happen to be honest. DH has not spoke much about it, think he's really upset and it's bothered him a lot that he's lying so much and she's been so slack about parenting. Definitely don't think he'd go for full custody though. I think he's hoping things will get better.

And yes I considered both calling children's services and marching him to the police. In fact, I told him I would and he was scared shitless. Just a constant concern and stress at the moment.

I think it would be a shame of this were to happen, punishing him for his mothers failings is never going to help him get on in life.

Why won't your dh consider custody, the mother is not doing a proper job, his sons life is at a really delicate stage, he needs guidance and love not knives and horrible movies. His father has a chance to do something positive for his child

 

[Maggs]

I don't really know what's going to happen to be honest. DH has not spoke much about it, think he's really upset and it's bothered him a lot that he's lying so much and she's been so slack about parenting. Definitely don't think he'd go for full custody though. I think he's hoping things will get better.

And yes I considered both calling children's services and marching him to the police. In fact, I told him I would and he was scared shitless. Just a constant concern and stress at the moment.

I think it would be a shame of this were to happen, punishing him for his mothers failings is never going to help him get on in life.

Why won't your dh consider custody, the mother is not doing a proper job, his sons life is at a really delicate stage, he needs guidance and love not knives and horrible movies. His father has a chance to do something positive for his child

I thought a trip to the Police might get him to see the severity of what he had done. He is very naive and doesn't seem to think of the consequences of his actions.

And the whole family is f***ed up! If he kicked up shit and applied for custody, I think he's worried they might not let him see him at all.

 

[suzib76]

I don't really know what's going to happen to be honest. DH has not spoke much about it, think he's really upset and it's bothered him a lot that he's lying so much and she's been so slack about parenting. Definitely don't think he'd go for full custody though. I think he's hoping things will get better.

And yes I considered both calling children's services and marching him to the police. In fact, I told him I would and he was scared shitless. Just a constant concern and stress at the moment.

I think it would be a shame of this were to happen, punishing him for his mothers failings is never going to help him get on in life.

Why won't your dh consider custody, the mother is not doing a proper job, his sons life is at a really delicate stage, he needs guidance and love not knives and horrible movies. His father has a chance to do something positive for his child

I thought a trip to the Police might get him to see the severity of what he had done. He is very naive and doesn't seem to think of the consequences of his actions.

And the whole family is f***ed up! If he kicked up shit and applied for custody, I think he's worried they might not let him see him at all.

It might also get him a record that will stick with him for life.

It would be a tragedy to label a boy because of his mothers shortcomings

 

[suzib76]

Just to add, if the rest of her family is 'fucked up' that would be even more reason for me to be trying to get my child out of there

 

[ellismum]

Could getting the police and SS involved could strengthen any custody application?

If having the police speak to him about the knife and potential consequences without having any record is an ootion then go for it.

I do believe SS need to be involved regardless.

 

[suzib76]

Well if we're any of my children I would be doing it myself, going for custody, not calling in social services and passing the buck

 

[Maggs]

As I said, I think DH is scared of rocking the boat. She took him from him once, when he was just a baby and I think he's scared of what could happen again...

 

[suzib76]

I understand that, however with a parent like the mother he should be seriously concerned about what will happen if he doesn't intervene

 

[Maggs]

I know. It's on my mind constantly. It's still hard to talk to him about it as he's so upset still. Guess we'll see what the next few weeks bring.