Not being able to take 31 weeker home... bummed

[WantsALittle1]

I am having a hard time accepting that our daughter is in the NICU and will be there for 4-5 weeks. I really don't know how to deal with the fact that tomorrow I'll be going home to a big empty house, no longer pregnant, yet without my child.

Our daughter was born at 31+3 on Saturday via emergency C-section. She would have died if they hadn't delivered her, so I know that everything that happened was for the best, but it's still hard to accept. I hear ladies in the postpartum rooms next to me who have their babies in bassinets next to them... Pretty jealous. I'll be going home to a nursery that's half done, a bathroom half-painted, a life half-prepared. We weren't expecting her to come this early, and we certainly never expected to go home without her.

I dunno. Anyone got any advice to help put this in perspective? We are so glad that our girl is safe and being looked after in a wonderful NICU, but I really really want her home.

 

[lgc]

Hi there, it's so so tough dealing with the rollercoaster of a premature birth & not being able to take your baby home. My son was born 32+3 & was in hospital for 4 weeks (2 weeks in NICU, 2 weeks transitional care ward). Although at the moment days feel like weeks & weeks feel like months, you'll soon find yourself in a routine & before you know it your gorgeous bundle will be home with you & you can start the next exciting chapter of being a mummy. Make sure you have someone you can talk/moan/cry/laugh with....and if anyone is wanting to help food in the freezer is so welcome, the last thing you feel like doing after a long day at the hospital is cook.

Congratulations on your arrival, enjoy all those lovely cuddles x x

 

[scottishchick]

Congratulations on your baby girl I had my twin boys at 32+4 weeks. One of them stayed 3 weeks, the smaller twin was in 5. Its a really hard thing to do leaving your baby in hospital but she is in the best place. You feel like your living in a bubble for a while but you get use to the routine and the hospital staff let you get involved as much as possible, feeding, changing etc. Its such an emotional time you have good days and bad days but atleast with her being in a little while you can get yourself and your home prepared for her coming home. My boys are 13 weeks now so ive only had them both home for 8 weeks and it feels soo much longer. gd luck and hope she gets home soon

 

[AP]

The first days at home were the hardest for me, really horrible, but eventually I got back into gear, and recovered. Once I felt in a "better place" we made quick trips to Babies R Us and finished the nursery in prep between NICU visits, and got all excited all over again. It really did help.

 

[WantsALittle1]

Hi there, it's so so tough dealing with the rollercoaster of a premature birth & not being able to take your baby home. My son was born 32+3 & was in hospital for 4 weeks (2 weeks in NICU, 2 weeks transitional care ward). Although at the moment days feel like weeks & weeks feel like months, you'll soon find yourself in a routine & before you know it your gorgeous bundle will be home with you & you can start the next exciting chapter of being a mummy. Make sure you have someone you can talk/moan/cry/laugh with....and if anyone is wanting to help food in the freezer is so welcome, the last thing you feel like doing after a long day at the hospital is cook.

Congratulations on your arrival, enjoy all those lovely cuddles x x

Thank you so much for your kind words and I do hope that the time passes quickly and that she tackles her milestones one after the other! Cannot wait to have my precious bundle home

Is it nerve-wracking having a preemie at home? I feel like I'll be pretty nervous when there isn't a staff of multiple nurses looking after her, but I know they won't release her until they are confident that she can thrive.

 

[WantsALittle1]

Congratulations on your baby girl I had my twin boys at 32+4 weeks. One of them stayed 3 weeks, the smaller twin was in 5. Its a really hard thing to do leaving your baby in hospital but she is in the best place. You feel like your living in a bubble for a while but you get use to the routine and the hospital staff let you get involved as much as possible, feeding, changing etc. Its such an emotional time you have good days and bad days but atleast with her being in a little while you can get yourself and your home prepared for her coming home. My boys are 13 weeks now so ive only had them both home for 8 weeks and it feels soo much longer. gd luck and hope she gets home soon

Aw thank you. 3 weeks for a 32-weeker! Wow, that is spectacular and gives me hope about our LO! Congratulations on having both of your boys home, and thank you for the supportive words I love hearing success stories!

 

[WantsALittle1]

The first days at home were the hardest for me, really horrible, but eventually I got back into gear, and recovered. Once I felt in a "better place" we made quick trips to Babies R Us and finished the nursery in prep between NICU visits, and got all excited all over again. It really did help.

I can relate. Our nursery is half done--we have all the furniture but no sheets, changing pads, diapers, etc. We were definitely surprised by her arrival and feel quite unprepared, but I think you're right--finishing the nursery and getting our home ready for her arrival is going to be a great way to pass the time until they release her to us

 

[lgc]

Hi there, it's so so tough dealing with the rollercoaster of a premature birth & not being able to take your baby home. My son was born 32+3 & was in hospital for 4 weeks (2 weeks in NICU, 2 weeks transitional care ward). Although at the moment days feel like weeks & weeks feel like months, you'll soon find yourself in a routine & before you know it your gorgeous bundle will be home with you & you can start the next exciting chapter of being a mummy. Make sure you have someone you can talk/moan/cry/laugh with....and if anyone is wanting to help food in the freezer is so welcome, the last thing you feel like doing after a long day at the hospital is cook.

Congratulations on your arrival, enjoy all those lovely cuddles x x

Thank you so much for your kind words and I do hope that the time passes quickly and that she tackles her milestones one after the other! Cannot wait to have my precious bundle home

Is it nerve-wracking having a preemie at home? I feel like I'll be pretty nervous when there isn't a staff of multiple nurses looking after her, but I know they won't release her until they are confident that she can thrive.

To be completely honest we felt sooo much more relaxed once we got home. I didn't really get on with not having any space on the transitional care ward so I was dying to get home. I honestly feel we made much better progress with his feeding once we got home and the tube was out within a week of leaving hospital. That said we were (and still are) supported by the Neonatal Outreach team, but I know these aren't available everywhere. It's reassuring to know there's always someone to call if needs be and someone popping in from time to time to check how were doing. Like you said though once discharged the hospital will be more than happy that she'll be ok at home.

I know what you mean about milestones. My boy is 4 weeks corrected so Im desperately searching for a smile to come in the next few weeks!

 

[Foogirl]

I'm having a wee laugh at the internal conflict here. We want them home but are terrified to have a preemie at home!

Abby was born at 29 weeks and came home after 6 weeks. You should expect your LO home on their due date and anything earlier than that is a bonus. It is hard leaving them, especially when those around you are having their babies with them. It does get easier once you are discharged. The neonatal unit will become a comforting place, a wee cocoon, your new "normal." There are some good things, not least the free parenting lessons you get, all the advice, friendships you'd never had and a whole heap of "firsts" you never imagined. There is always an improvement to celebrate. I remember how amazing it was when Abby was moved to a cot from an incubator, it felt like winning the lottery. Every ounce in weight gain was noted and the weigh ins became stepping stones to coming home.

For now concentrate on the fact your LO is in a much better place in hospital than home with you and use the time to recharge and recover. As Atomic says, once you are in a better place, tackle the things that are left half done. And don't leave it too late, when its time to come home you don't get much notice!

 

[SabrinaKat]

Finn came four weeks early (due to my pre-eclampsia) and spent 13 days in NICU. It gave us a chance to buy clothes and for me to recover a bit, so take this time to do all the things you haven't finished and for YOU to sleep a bit too, your LO is in the best possible place and....

she won't be released until they are 100% happy with her; in our case, it was a bit scary -- our first baby after years of trying, an mc, etc., but a part of me felt that they had run every single test possible and he was okay (it was nerve-racking, tho, the first week home, but every parent will agree to that!)...

also, try to make friends with some of the other preemie mums and dads, you'll start to see the same familar faces and that can be a great comfort. Our LO was moved all around (we joke that it was next to all the girl babies, so perhaps there will be a match there in 20 years!) from first 24hours (intensive), next 3 days (NICU), next week neonatal and last two days, transition. We met some lovely people there!

Also, ask the staff if there is anything YOU can do, even from feeding, changing a nappy or bringing things in (clothes, etc.) In my case, due to the pre-eclampsia, my hands were terribly swollen and my OH did loads of feeding, nappy changes, and it was very upsetting and frustrating for me, but I did try to practice and within a day or two of LO coming home, was an old pro -- use the time to practice and offer to help as much as possible -- do feedings, if possible, help to bathe your LO, etc., it will help you feel connected, etc., and might help you 'relax' a little bit as well...

best wishes

 

[Agiboma]

congrats on your daughter. Look its simply hard to leave the hospital and not have your baby. My son was born at 25 weeks and i never got used to leaving him in the NNICU i spent minimum 12 hour there everyday and everynight when i was driving home i cried non stop. Its not easy their is nothing anyone can say to make t easier being seperated from your child. The only thing you can do is try to manage until your sweet LO is home with you where they belong. Hoping for a very short NICU stay for your LO.

 

[kelly6407]

Aw hugs Hun, it's hard leaving them

My daughter was in for over 8 weeks and it was tough, it got easier as u got used to it though and it just became part of the day. U knew u would see them again and they were in safe hands.

The first few weeks was horrible though because it was the risky time and the time where she was fighting for life so leaving was scary, I dreaded not being there incase something happened.