Not coping with my 17 month old she's driving me crazy!

[Louise88]

From the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to bed she's constantly shouting, screaming, crying, getting frustrated at everything and is very rough with everything and everyone I really can't cope with her at the moment

First thing in the morning she shouts for her breakfast, she gets it and after she runs up and down the room shouting and screaming constantly no quiet voice at all, if she picks up a toy she's very rough and either starts bashing it with her hands or she throws it across the room then stands and claps thinking she's done good she's constantly trying to hit my bump and gets frustrated and cried when I won't let her. She no longer points to what she wants or gently passes me her juice cup when she's thirsty instead she screams and cries and throws her juice cup at me.

She won't sit nicely in her pram so taking her old is becoming horrible, take her shopping and she's constantly shouting and screaming, pulling her shoes and socks off and throwing them down isles, winges to be out the pram constantly but then gets annoyed because the reins will only let her get so far so she can't go her way or where she wants to so gets frustrated and has a meltdown where she throws herself on the floor.

I take her to a playgroup twice a week and she's becoming a nightmare there aswell again she throws toys across the room, bashes them, tries to steal toys other kids are playing with and screams if she doesn't get it.

I'm due a baby any day now and my toddler has me at the point where I want to cry because I literally don't know what to do I've set up a travel cot which I'm using as a time out as ignoring her isn't doing anything but when I put her in 'timeout' she gets increasingly worse and won't calm down so she'd literally be in there all day if I was to wait for her to settle down and be quiet for 1 or 2 mins before taking her out.

How on earth can I bring a baby home and expect him to sleep in the living room during the day when my daughters going on like that? And I really don't want to be leaving my baby upstairs on his own (unfortunately I live in a very small house so no other room downstairs I can put him)

My daughter naps and sleeps perfectly so I know this isn't over tiredness she has 12/13hrs sleep at night and a 1-2 hour nap during the day.

She's obviously being like this for my MIL and FIL aswell because my MIL came for her Saturday morning usually she has her all day and brings her home 4-5pm but she ended up bring her home 2hrs after only 2 hours

I just want to cry I've had enough

 

[izzlesnizzle]

This is my LO at the moment. She hits me, grabs my face in anger, lashes out, shouts at me most of the day, says no to everything. Had to take her home early from play group yesterday because her behaviour was so difficult to manage and I felt like everyone was staring at us and I didn't feel like we were having any fun.

Ive changed a few things over the last day and telling her off is one of them. It seems to make her worse and she hits me in the face so now I am trying to model the behaviour I want to see rather than what I don't want to see. So if she hits me then I show her how faces should be touched with a gentle hand by touching her face and saying awww gentle, that's lovely, and the other thing im doing which is having some success is to say "that's your yucky voice, wheres your nice voice?" "oh that voice is too yucky, it hurts my ears ouch, wheres your nice voice?" "I can only give it to you if you ask with your nice voice" and 9 times out of 10 she stops the whinge and says a word to which I applaud and give heavy praise. If she carries on then I say "if you keep asking like that, I will put you out there" in a very calm voice which she seems to get and calms down. I don't know if im doing the right thing but telling her off in a very firm manner doesn't help matters, just makes it worse.

The other success is to say "do you want to go home?" or "im going to play group, are you staying here with the cat?" and she says no! And seems to grasp that and cooperates but it takes a lot of repetition sometimes until she takes it on board and calms down but we get there after a few minutes!

I thank her a lot too. So if she does something I want her to do then I say thank you for doing that so nicely and praise as much as possible.

Someone once said to me with babies you need all the patience you never knew you had....then stretch it further! So true!!

 

[MrsButterfly]

This is my son.

He is so so difficult at the moment. I'm blaming it on teeth but I think he's just really frustrated. He's not walking yet and thats bugging him I think as he wants to do more than he is able to. But the latest development is the aggressiveness towards people smaller than him! At toddler groups he is grabbing kids hair, pulling their clothes, and whining in their face if they get too close to him. Its not great!

And then if he is mad with us he will hit us as well although that has improved a little bit recently if I think back.

But if he is cross he will also do the loudest, high pitch scream you have heard. And going out in the buggy is a total no-no. He has the patience to endure about five minutes in there and then he just starts screaming and writhing around. I'm really considering a toddler sized wrap so I can carry him again.

I've wanted to cry a number of times lately so I can totally relate and send you huge hugs.

Just know you aren't alone although it may feel like it sometimes when you see other people's angelically behaved children!

xx

 

[Kiki09]

My lb went through this as did my friends lo's.. It's another phase and though it's a tough one it will pass, I stuck to my usual routines/disciplines etc and hated it but I knew it would pass as all these testing times do. Big hugs, it will pass just stay strong and consistent...

 

[seoj]

Big hugs- sorry no great advise... I've had friends who's LO's were very similar at that age. In part, becuase they were just high energy (mixed with stubbon) and also weren't able to communicate as well- so they acted out more, but the older they got the more settled they became. TBH- I'm not gonna say time outs can't work, but if they aren't working for your child- then maybe try another approach? I've never used a timeout with my LO- I simply work through her moments with her (when needed)- or I ask her to tell me when she's done and ready to move on. Not sure how else to explain it. But obviously all kids vary- and temperment plays a huge role in how they work through things... so we just gotta try different approaches till we figure out what works (least the best) and stay consistent and calm when possible. I know if I get worked up- which does happen when I'm tired or not feeling great and already stressed-- it for sure affects my LO. So those are the moments I have to walk away and take a breathe- for my sake, and hers.

Sorry I've crap for advise- hopefully others will be able to help

 

[Eleanor ace]

. DS entered the terrible twos at about 16 months, before that he was an angel and it was a hard adjustment! I was rather nervous about how he would be when DD arrived, about him constantly bothering her while she napped especially. I didn't have to worry though as she never naps . All I can suggest is keeping her occupied, praising her when she helps by playing quietly. Oh and baby wearing is a God send if she won't leave LO alone, it means you can keep him safe and close by while playing with DD.

 

[Bunnikins]

This is also my girl. Very very demanding and impatient. Wants everything NOW. Shouts, never talks at a normal volume. Runs around like a bull in a china shop. Slams things down, throws toys/teddies around, throws toys at the cat, hits me in the face. Shes so strong too. She managed to wriggle out of the buggy today (strapped in!) so thats a worry that even the straps cant hold her back! I guess its just a phase, and I make the most of her "gentle" moments (usually when shes tired and wants to cuddle up to me).

I do find it helps slightly by exaggerating the praise i give her when she does do something good. Like if she throws things around and then puts them back i clap her and make a fuss, so she does it a lot now which is useful.

Im also worried about when my baby comes.

Sorry not much advice just know ur not alone

 

[JASMAK]

18 mths is a tricky age. Personally I think she is way too young for time outs. Throwing toys and being rough...unless dangerous...is really okay, isn't it? I would really pick your battles at this point. For your sanity too, but also, being rough isn't actually naughty, its a personality type. Stealing toys from other toddlers...totally normal and not something she is even capable of learning not to do. She may be more bold than other toddlers you are around and maybe don't notice it from other toddlers, but NO toddler that young has any concept of sharing. It is also hard for you, being pregnant, so I think easing up on your expectations will make a happier mom, therefore, a happier toddler. She may need to just have wide open spaces where she can just run, be herself, with less restrictions.

As for shopping...yup...toddlers worst nightmare, therefore, yours too. Leave the toddler home for necessary shops....order your groceries if you have to.

 

[Sal85uk]

It really does get better, I found 18 months the hardest age so far and my DD is 3 in April. It will be a phase and she will soon work everything out, it is mostly frustration at this stage, keep going, you are doing great.

 

[CertainTurton]

Its true this is a tricky age but I also think its important to see it from her side too. Toddlers pick upon so much more than we think, she is very aware that you are pregnant and tgat things have/are going to change. She will be feeling insecure and scared, I expect a lot of the behavior is trying to get positive attention from you (yes we know thats the wrong way but she doesn't) so doing a timeout is not a good solution as its exacerbating the problem, hence why it isnt working.
Like a pp said sometimes aknowledging the behaviour and calmly talking through the emotions can really help diffuse things. Also I agree, try to avoid shopping experiences and involve her when you have to e.g holding the list or putting the item in the trolley. Does she get much chance just to run around and go mad? Maybe at the park? It may help diffuse some of her frustration. I can really recommend toddlercalm book by Sarah ockwell smith.

 

[obsessed]

Yes 18 months was a horrible age. We went abroad on holiday and it was a nightmare. Wanted everything but when offered threw it all back at you, screaming till she got fed, no concept of waiting and refusing to sleep/ stand up/ eat/ sit etc etc. Stick with it by 22-24 months she was like a different child and now at 2 years 9 months she's never really had her terrible twos x

 

[Mummy May]

I'm kind of the opposite to this, my daughter was always good. Lovely, polite and kind, until just before she was 3 - she now does everything you have mentioned and honestly its awful. I've started telling her off in a calm voice, not sure if it helps really but when I do shout she knows she's done something very naughty. Its an awful feeling to think you cant cope with your own child though xx

 

[whistle]

Its true this is a tricky age but I also think its important to see it from her side too. Toddlers pick upon so much more than we think, she is very aware that you are pregnant and tgat things have/are going to change. She will be feeling insecure and scared, I expect a lot of the behavior is trying to get positive attention from you (yes we know thats the wrong way but she doesn't) so doing a timeout is not a good solution as its exacerbating the problem, hence why it isnt working.
Like a pp said sometimes aknowledging the behaviour and calmly talking through the emotions can really help diffuse things. Also I agree, try to avoid shopping experiences and involve her when you have to e.g holding the list or putting the item in the trolley. Does she get much chance just to run around and go mad? Maybe at the park? It may help diffuse some of her frustration. I can really recommend toddlercalm book by Sarah ockwell smith.

Thanks for mentioning that book - I'm going to read it as time out has really stopped working for us.