KandyKinz
Longtime Mama
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2010
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I hope that it's okay that I post this here, I figured if anyone would understand it's you guys... Elsewhere, they just say I shouldn't be disappointed and I should just be happy with what I have... yadda yadda yadda.
I'm not upset or worried about gender. I don't know yet and frankly either or would be fine. I've been lucky and already have both.
But I'm feeling devastated that there's only one in there. It's consuming me and I'm feeling very distant and unnattached to the pregnancy since I found out... And I hate being that way
It's weird... I've never actually been the type to want twins. I've always thought them to be neat, but having worked in the maternity field the idea of all of the risks involved carrying them has somewhat scared me away from wishing for them in the past. With all of my previous pregnancies, I always just assumed there was one in there and that was that.
And then I got pregnant this time around and around 5 weeks I got this idea in my head that there were 2 of them in there and the idea stuck. It was just this overwhelming there's definitely two in there feeling. At my 9 week midwifery appt I was measuring 14 weeks which pushed my belief even further. But then I had my ultrasound the next day and the woman showed me just one little baby. I felt devastated. I felt even more devastated that I felt devastated. I should have been happy seeing baby there wiggling it's little arms and legs
I have moments where I accept that there's only one in there and I become overwhelmed with feeling void and detached. And then I have brief little moments of hope. Maybe they missed one in the ultrasound.... I keep googling missed twin stories and the thought just makes me feel attached to the pregnancy/babies again. I'm 12 weeks now, measuring 20. I look huge... I think it would be easier to accept and move on if it weren't for those additional signs. Maybe?
I keep looking at my ultrasound picture wondering if they got it wrong. There's a spot up in the corner that looks like it could be an embyro. I can't stop hoping for it to be a missed twin... But maybe it's a vanishing twin and I'm only half delusional for being so obsessed with the idea this time around? It's probably just a hematoma? I don't know... I wish I would have learned more about sonography in my training :/
I just really need to get over the idea and I'm having such a difficult time doing so. I don't want to come away from the next ultrasound feeling as disappointed as I was last time around.
I'm not upset or worried about gender. I don't know yet and frankly either or would be fine. I've been lucky and already have both.
But I'm feeling devastated that there's only one in there. It's consuming me and I'm feeling very distant and unnattached to the pregnancy since I found out... And I hate being that way
It's weird... I've never actually been the type to want twins. I've always thought them to be neat, but having worked in the maternity field the idea of all of the risks involved carrying them has somewhat scared me away from wishing for them in the past. With all of my previous pregnancies, I always just assumed there was one in there and that was that.
And then I got pregnant this time around and around 5 weeks I got this idea in my head that there were 2 of them in there and the idea stuck. It was just this overwhelming there's definitely two in there feeling. At my 9 week midwifery appt I was measuring 14 weeks which pushed my belief even further. But then I had my ultrasound the next day and the woman showed me just one little baby. I felt devastated. I felt even more devastated that I felt devastated. I should have been happy seeing baby there wiggling it's little arms and legs
I have moments where I accept that there's only one in there and I become overwhelmed with feeling void and detached. And then I have brief little moments of hope. Maybe they missed one in the ultrasound.... I keep googling missed twin stories and the thought just makes me feel attached to the pregnancy/babies again. I'm 12 weeks now, measuring 20. I look huge... I think it would be easier to accept and move on if it weren't for those additional signs. Maybe?
I keep looking at my ultrasound picture wondering if they got it wrong. There's a spot up in the corner that looks like it could be an embyro. I can't stop hoping for it to be a missed twin... But maybe it's a vanishing twin and I'm only half delusional for being so obsessed with the idea this time around? It's probably just a hematoma? I don't know... I wish I would have learned more about sonography in my training :/
I just really need to get over the idea and I'm having such a difficult time doing so. I don't want to come away from the next ultrasound feeling as disappointed as I was last time around.