Not speaking to FOB now, hate him :-(

[Dezireey]

So FOB and I have fallen out big style, we are not speaking to each other. Im not sure if I went ballistic and it wasnt warranted or what? I told him in an e-mail that he can either a) help out more with LO or b) start paying some mutually agreed maintenance, I wanted an answer, he ignored the e-mail for three days! saying he wasnt on-line ( I know he was on the internet, he spends most of his life on there and was logged on to a site he visits) So on the third day i had enough, said i was going to CSA unless he sorted his crap out and gave me an answer, I told him i knew he was lying about being on-line, he then called me a stalker . He says he has an appointment with his lawyer?? WTF? hiw pointless is that? what is he going to say? ' oh yes, you have to pay child support, its the LAW! ' idiot.

since I have known him he is a compulsive liar. He says he didnt answer my e-mail cos he needs time to think. Jeesus this man knows how to keep you hanging and not make a decision, it drives me crazy. He said i was harassing him and I told him that if he doesnt get back to me in a week or two I am going to get CSA to get child support off him. He has gone quiet on me now and i dont want to talk to him either.

I hate him, seriously I do. He has a knack of making me feel as guilty as hell for harassing a man with no money to live on, he just plays the 'pity me' card and i feel awful. Well my LO is more important than his bloody problems ( mostly created by himself and Im sure he exaggerates, he also says a LOT of things that dont add up)

im just done with it all, I really am. ive been made to feel from day one that i am crazy, mental, bonkers, a stalker, hormonal, unreasonable, the list goes on. Yet Im the person who got dumped when pregnant and has to look after a little innocent baby by myself, he acts like all he did was end a relationship and he is entitled to do that. How can i be called a stalker when all I am doing is displaying the distress and anger of a woman abandoned at her most vulnerable time.

Just feel so down today ladies. I feel like I live in an alternate universe to this man and i am to blame for everything and 'bothering' him and 'harassing' him. Its so unfair *

Should i just do as i say and get CSA organised if i dont hear back from him? Or should i contact him in about a week and ask what his decision is?*

 

[Jennifurball]

For now I would leave it, I know it must be frustrating when you want them involved but he sounds the type of man who wants everything to be his idea. Once he has calmed down, he may decide to do more.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Empty threats help no one. Either don't say it, or say it and do it. He needs to realize he's not in charge. The world doesn't wait until he feels likeit.

 

[whatwillbe]

I would contact the CSA, I think he's always going to play the pity card just to make you feel guilty, he should realize it not just about him anymore.. Sorry I may sound harsh but I'll be going to the CSA once my lo arrives, this man has shown no interest in his own flesh and blood , has not offered a penny to buy things for her and like your fob will get out of his responsibility anyway he can, he won't be able to give them his sob story, and as for calling you a stalker ect, I've had all of that from fob too, it's their way of making you question yourself and them trying to justify their actions but at the end of the day, they knew the risks of pregnancy and if they really didn't want the responsibility of a child they should have been more careful, sorry these men make me so mad ! I just don't think your going to get anywhere trying to reason with him x

 

[Rhio92]

I think contacting CSA would be a good idea. Was in a similar situation with FOB, in the end, I went to CSA because he wasn't getting the picture (he ended up owing them £1248 ). You need to stick and follow thrugh with the threats you make.

 

[Ceejay123]

I'd definitely contact CSA because it sounds as though he thinks he can manipulate you, if I were you I wouldn't want him to have that control iykwim? X

 

[Dezireey]

I think its time he realised that I am serious about all this. His answer to me last week when I went off on one was a quick phone call to try to calm me down( I was having none of it) then he goes ' have a nice cup of tea, calm down you will feel better'. Yes, I have a flash temper, always have but he 'uses' this against me constantly and always, always, even when we were together, makes me out to be silly or over reacting etc. I bet hes at home thinking ' stupid woman, she will calm down and then apologise' No way, I am jobless come January and then not going to uni till September, got to study, get qualified and get a higher paid job ( which I wouldnt have to have done if I had a decent, caring FOB) So he can damn well start paying up. Grrrr

You are all right, all he has done is manipulate things his way for too long and he is not in charge, I owe him nothing.

Because he hasnt paid for 6 months, will CSA try and get back pay off him? I dont see how they could do that if he is ( supposedly) skint?

 

[Ceejay123]

Good on you Honey I don't know the logistics of it, but if i were you i'd just give them a call. Even if he's on benefits he has to pay £5+ a week.. Might not sound a lot, but hopefully it'll give him a kick up the backside to get himself sorted. It's about time his family knew he had a child and about time he either started raising them or providing for them.

You're way too lenient with him Sweetie, start putting yourself before him . x

 

[Dezireey]

Empty threats help no one. Either don't say it, or say it and do it. He needs to realize he's not in charge. The world doesn't wait until he feels likeit.

Thanks hun. I need to hear that last line from someone else. I feel that this man takes the piss, not just with this but all communication we have had about LO. He calls me impatient and to stop hassling him for answers ( his brain injury and aspergers make it difficult for him to process things... yeah, right)

He needs to step up and realise that other people DO NOT and WILL NOT dance to the beat of his drum. Like you said, he is going to realise that he is no longer in charge anymore.

 

[whatwillbe]

I don't know if they've changed now, the CSA, but they made my fob pay back any money he owed and they took it straight from his wages without any warning, even though he was paying me directly at the time, so I think they will make him pay it back, and my fob is a good dad to my 3 kids , so I did feel a little bab about that, but I wouldn't hesitate with a man like this , he's not trying or making any effort and I believe they use their illnesses / conditions when it suits them too, but don't fall for it anymore x

 

[Dezireey]

Got all my CSA paperwork ready to go today. He has no idea that I am going to definitely go ahead with this. Its crazy, why does he even think that a Mother of a baby would put her own loving partners needs before that of a baby, let alone put the needs of an ex FOB whos made no effort? Hes just manipulated me and Im so pissed off with him, he has no idea. I think all this time hes been sweet as pie saying he misses me etc just to get out of paying child support.

Note to ladies who may read this and could be going through the same- Whatever your FOB says or does, tells you he still loves you blah blah, if he isnt willingly paying child support or helping out in some good way, chances are he is duping you with words, be wary of these types. He had me fooled for 6 months with his sob stories, all along he was just avoiding paying for our gorgeous little boy.

Sorry for rant but absent/ deadbeat FOB's are just losers who need to be out of our lives and at the very least literally 'pay' for what they have done.

 

[whatwillbe]

That saying springs to mind "actions speak louder than words" it's so true, they can sweet talk as much as they like but without the actions it's just a load of bull IMO , good for you for finally going to the CSA , it's time these "men" grew up and took some responsibility x

 

[DessyMarie]

So FOB and I have fallen out big style, we are not speaking to each other. Im not sure if I went ballistic and it wasnt warranted or what? I told him in an e-mail that he can either a) help out more with LO or b) start paying some mutually agreed maintenance, I wanted an answer, he ignored the e-mail for three days! saying he wasnt on-line ( I know he was on the internet, he spends most of his life on there and was logged on to a site he visits) So on the third day i had enough, said i was going to CSA unless he sorted his crap out and gave me an answer, I told him i knew he was lying about being on-line, he then called me a stalker . He says he has an appointment with his lawyer?? WTF? hiw pointless is that? what is he going to say? ' oh yes, you have to pay child support, its the LAW! ' idiot.

since I have known him he is a compulsive liar. He says he didnt answer my e-mail cos he needs time to think. Jeesus this man knows how to keep you hanging and not make a decision, it drives me crazy. He said i was harassing him and I told him that if he doesnt get back to me in a week or two I am going to get CSA to get child support off him. He has gone quiet on me now and i dont want to talk to him either.

I hate him, seriously I do. He has a knack of making me feel as guilty as hell for harassing a man with no money to live on, he just plays the 'pity me' card and i feel awful. Well my LO is more important than his bloody problems ( mostly created by himself and Im sure he exaggerates, he also says a LOT of things that dont add up)

im just done with it all, I really am. ive been made to feel from day one that i am crazy, mental, bonkers, a stalker, hormonal, unreasonable, the list goes on. Yet Im the person who got dumped when pregnant and has to look after a little innocent baby by myself, he acts like all he did was end a relationship and he is entitled to do that. How can i be called a stalker when all I am doing is displaying the distress and anger of a woman abandoned at her most vulnerable time.

Just feel so down today ladies. I feel like I live in an alternate universe to this man and i am to blame for everything and 'bothering' him and 'harassing' him. Its so unfair *

Should i just do as i say and get CSA organised if i dont hear back from him? Or should i contact him in about a week and ask what his decision is?*

Im going through a similar situation. Question; does he have a job? If not... is he "unable" to work for any specific reason?

 

[Dezireey]

Yes he has a job. Its a very low paid one. Before his brain injury, which resulted in memory loss he had a very good job, well paid. But he couldnt remember stuff so had to give it up and take another job. Im sure he must be on working tax credits to top it up and maybe some disability benefit? not sure. He talks as if he doesnt have even a fiver to spare for his child, which is rubbish.

 

[DessyMarie]

Yes he has a job. Its a very low paid one. Before his brain injury, which resulted in memory loss he had a very good job, well paid. But he couldnt remember stuff so had to give it up and take another job. Im sure he must be on working tax credits to top it up and maybe some disability benefit? not sure. He talks as if he doesnt have even a fiver to spare for his child, which is rubbish.

Honestly, even if it was giving you 20 a week... im sure he could do that at the least. He helped you create a child and he should own up to that. My ex just won't work, but has no reason he can't. So since we split he hasn't botten our DD a single thing, or given me a single penny. He was also a compulsive liar. It's all excuses, every bit of it. They're lazy and don't want the responsibility of a child, but the "title" when people ask.

 

[Dezireey]

Yes he has a job. Its a very low paid one. Before his brain injury, which resulted in memory loss he had a very good job, well paid. But he couldnt remember stuff so had to give it up and take another job. Im sure he must be on working tax credits to top it up and maybe some disability benefit? not sure. He talks as if he doesnt have even a fiver to spare for his child, which is rubbish.

Honestly, even if it was giving you 20 a week... im sure he could do that at the least. He helped you create a child and he should own up to that. My ex just won't work, but has no reason he can't. So since we split he hasn't botten our DD a single thing, or given me a single penny. He was also a compulsive liar. It's all excuses, every bit of it. They're lazy and don't want the responsibility of a child, but the "title" when people ask.

Yeah, I'll go with lazy. Years ago, men were expected to do the right thing and be responsible in society, and there was a sense of duty when accidents happened, today it's all gone out the window. leaving their babies or unborn children is like going bloody shopping to most FOB's. They don't like what they purchased, so can they take it back please? or they just leave the shop with the problem to sort it out.

 

[DessyMarie]

Yes he has a job. Its a very low paid one. Before his brain injury, which resulted in memory loss he had a very good job, well paid. But he couldnt remember stuff so had to give it up and take another job. Im sure he must be on working tax credits to top it up and maybe some disability benefit? not sure. He talks as if he doesnt have even a fiver to spare for his child, which is rubbish.

Honestly, even if it was giving you 20 a week... im sure he could do that at the least. He helped you create a child and he should own up to that. My ex just won't work, but has no reason he can't. So since we split he hasn't botten our DD a single thing, or given me a single penny. He was also a compulsive liar. It's all excuses, every bit of it. They're lazy and don't want the responsibility of a child, but the "title" when people ask.

Yeah, I'll go with lazy. Years ago, men were expected to do the right thing and be responsible in society, and there was a sense of duty when accidents happened, today it's all gone out the window. leaving their babies or unborn children is like going bloody shopping to most FOB's. They don't like what they purchased, so can they take it back please? or they just leave the shop with the problem to sort it out.

Unfortunately, this is very true. No sense of responsibility. No consequences to their actions. Even some women. I think it's much harder for women especially because we have almost an entire year of our life o become attached to the LO growing inside of us. We feel every single change that comes with pregnancy. We give birth to them. It's hard not to become attached and protective and revolve our life around them; however doesn't make it right for a man to take off because he "pleases" to do so. In the end, it just shows you... women are stronger then men in alot of aspects.

 

[Dezireey]

Its opened my eyes to what some men are capable of, thats for sure. I was so naive before, even at my age (39) I just thought that if someone was a nice person and said they loved you, they would never dream of abandoning you if you got pregnant. How wrong was I? Ive been brought up a particular way and some people are not and they dont have the same values unfortunately, my FOB has no morals or values thats for certain. I know not all men are bad but the majority of them are extremely selfish in their ways.