Not sure I should post here

[Hopefulk]

I am pregnant and I have had two losses, but in between I have been blessed with my beautiful daughter. Before I had her (when ttc and pal) I read messages from women with babies and although I was sorry for their losses and anxieties, I thought they must feel different to me because they already had the dream so I'm not sure i would have appreciated the me of today posting in the forum of that day's me.

The truth is, I do feel a little different - I have dd and am the luckiest woman in the world because of her. But am I less anxious, more confident, or more relaxed about this pregnancy? Absolutely not. I'm terrified. And time is dragging - I thought I'd be so busy looking after my lo that I wouldn't get time to overthink the symptoms or lack of symptoms and that the weeks would fly by but actually, I find myself being just as concerned and focused on the pregnancy and feeling guilty that she isn't getting my full attention because I'm so distracted

I just want to go to bed and wake up in six weeks when I'll be past the 12 week mark. And I hate wishing time away - lg will be 2 on my 12 week mark and I don't want to wish away her last few weeks of being a baby!

My hubby has said that we can't try again (for no3 if this pregnancy is successful or try again for no2 if it isn't) because we can't go through all this again so I'm trying to play my feelings down to him a little.

How do you all do it? How do you all get through these first few weeks without crying every night when your head hits the pillow and everything is quiet, or when you have a couple of hours of feeling 'normal' or when you feel like the only person who starts every pregnancy related sentence with. "If we're lucky enough for everything to be ok?" Or am I fighting a loosing battle? Should I just give in to the fact that whenever I fall pregnant, these are going to be horrible weeks?

Sorry for moaning. Guess i'm just hoping somebody has a crystal ball or time machine I can borrow!

Meh!

 

[Diddy2013]

I don't have a take home baby yet. And I've only had one miscarriage prior to this. And honestly the only thing keeping me from not breaking down is that it will somehow make me miscarry again.

I'm definitely nervous and I'm definitely anxious, I definitely have many nights were I can't fall asleep...but it's out of my control. I won't know anything until the ultrasound, which I will have on Tuesday. Every ultrasound I've ever had has been bad.

That's why I've not cried (yet), why eventually I get to sleep. I'm right there with you time is moving so slowly. I completely sympathize! If you figure out how to wake up after 12 weeks let me know

 

[george83]

I'm in a similar situation to you with regards to other children - I had my son, then had a mmc and have since had another son (for his pregnancy I did use this support section) and now I'm unexpectedly pregnant with my third. I think it does change things on one level, we know how blessed we are already even if things do tragically go wrong again. However being pregnant after a loss is so challenging, it's difficult to stay sane and only other people who have been through it can understand.

I too am still finding it difficult to get through the days. My youngest is only 9 months and like you I feel bad wishing the days away as I'm missing out on him so much. My mind is constantly on the go worrying about all the things that could possibly go wrong. I'm suffering awful morning sickness and exhaustion which makes it even worse.

I hope you manage to get through the next few weeks in one piece

 

[StillPraying]

I am the same as you, had a MC, then my DD, then another MC, and now pregnant with this one. We spent the entire first trimester saying "Well if this one makes it", or "If you're still pregnant by then..." it was awful, so I do know how you feel. It gets better with time I promise

 

[Hopefulk]

Thank you, ladies. And sorry to read about your losses - I don't think anyone truly understands unless they've been through it which is why this is such a great forum.

I have a scan on Monday (so I should know more in approximately 5days and 23 hours. We should be 7weeks and 4 days by then so if there's no heartbeat, I'll know it's game over without having to go back and forth (reason for leaving it a bit longer than necessary) and if there is a heartbeat, the statistics are good (miscarriage association website states that a hb at 8 weeks reduces risk to 2% so I imagine we'll be pretty close to that)

I can't won't to be 15 weeks like you, stillpraying.x
Good luck george83 and dissu2013 xx

 

[StillPraying]

keep us updated about your scan and don't count yourself out! Dates can be anywhere to a week off you know!

 

[Diddy2013]

This forum works because (sadly) the women here know what it's like to have things go wrong.

Just try to stay calm until next week. That's been my goal!