Not sure if I Do want #2? help?

[justmeinlove]

I'm looking for peoples experiences either way I suppose.

As far as I see it, it breaks down to:

Cons:
- baby arriving might be as horrific and traumatising as dd. Frankly I am terrified that pregnancy would be rubbish and arrival would just be another giant crap heap (dd had her leg caught in the cord so was a horrible disempowering emcs.
- I don't think I could stand another reflux baby. I suppose I would recognise and know how to deal this time, but honestly dd has left me a bit traumatised for all that.
- dd Still wakes up every 2-3 hours and has Never slept through.....and I really do not deal well with lack of sleep
- we have no support network. We haven't been out in the evening since dd arrived, and alone maybe...7 times?
- what if #2 was a jerk! What if we dealt with all that and it made dd Less happy! :-\
- I am Terrified of doing this Incredibly Hard experience again, and putting my relationship through it twice

Pros:
- I feel dd maybe deserves a sibling? I don't want her to be shy, lonely or socially difficult like I was. Do siblings help?
- if would be lovely to have a Nice birth and baby experience...
- my husband is Awesome. His genetic code needs reproducing! ;-)
- if it didn't totally suck, maybe it would be nice?

Has anyone else dealt with this? Which way did you go, and for what reason? And how is it?

 

[wtbmummy]

We are in the same boat atm.
We are wtt for no.2 but we both have times when we do or dont want no.2.
Wow you've been out 7times since your dd was born as a couple.
We have once since ds was born as we also don't have the support system there. The lack of support is what comes up alot for us but we've managed this far with a very difficult baby/toddler. I just have my fingers crossed the second is not as difficult as ds or we be well..... F%&@#D
I had a very difficult pregnancy and birth but I amstaying positive it wont be so bad this time. (That and now being a mummy means Im not allowed to be ill anyway and have learnt to deal with that)

At the end of the day you need to do what is right for your family. Yes it will be harder for those first couple of years but a child is a blessing and knowing your child has a sibling a "forever friend" is such an amazing thing. I was an only child so I know the struggles and do not want that for my ds.

Sit down with your oh and go through pros and cons with him. Also consider money, will you cope financially with two? Would you go back to work? You seem to have a lot more cons than pros on your list atm.

 

[justmeinlove]

7 times are afternoons where dd has been at nursery and hb has been on holidays it's about 3 hours ;-)

I noticed too re cons v pros.

 

[justmeinlove]

Thanks though, it's nice to hear from someone who has found it hard too. It's one of those I need a vision of the future things isn't it?

 

[LockandKey]

There are some things to keep in mind here: No two pregnancies are the same, no 2 birth experiences are the same, no two kids are the same, even when they share DNA.

If you're not ready or not sure, there's no rush to give your child a sibling. Wait on it until you feel ready or know your answer for yourself.

So here is my personal experience. Going from 0 kids to 1 was the absolute hardest thing I have ever dealt with, and I had a very traumatic birth as well, but DD is very social and thrives off being around other kids, so I felt she deserved at least one sibling.

My birth with DD was so traumatic that everyone suggested I get a an elective C section. I did not do that, I actually found a midwife during my second pregnancy and had a wonderful birth that I would do again in a heartbeat. I didn't even end up with any tears. A lot of women said that the 2nd birth was so much easier than the 1st, and for me that was true. His positive birth experience gave me the healing I needed from the negative experience I had with DD.

Once I brought him home, life pretty much resumed to the way it was before, I was just a tad busier than I was before DS was born, but since DH and I had been through it all before with DD, we sort of knew what to expect. Going from 1 to 2 kids was like a walk through the park, I couldn't believe how easy it was! Being a mom for the 2nd time had its challenges of course, but since I had already experienced it before, going through it again was almost nothing but a shrug of the shoulders.

We live far apart from family and friends, it's about a 6 hr drive to anyone we know, so I basically raise the kids myself until DH gets home and he can help me. By now I suppose I am used to it, I rarely see any family, we almost never have babysitters. We have made a few friends near us though, and have gotten them to babysit for us so that DH and I can go out together.

Really, you can't dwell on the "What ifs" you have to live for the "What is." You can't let the fear of something that doesn't even exist yet keep you from making a life decision.

Now that DS is almost 19 months, it's still easy. I have to clean up more, but they play together all the time that I don't need to be on the floor entertaining DD all the time like I was before she had a sibling. I can actually get things done around the house. Giving DD a sibling was the best decision I've ever made, she loves it, they love each other, and I definitely love seeing them play together, hug each other, kiss each other. Having a sibling in life teaches children so much as they grow.

 

[wtbmummy]

There are some things to keep in mind here: No two pregnancies are the same, no 2 birth experiences are the same, no two kids are the same, even when they share DNA.

If you're not ready or not sure, there's no rush to give your child a sibling. Wait on it until you feel ready or know your answer for yourself.

So here is my personal experience. Going from 0 kids to 1 was the absolute hardest thing I have ever dealt with, and I had a very traumatic birth as well, but DD is very social and thrives off being around other kids, so I felt she deserved at least one sibling.

My birth with DD was so traumatic that everyone suggested I get a an elective C section. I did not do that, I actually found a midwife during my second pregnancy and had a wonderful birth that I would do again in a heartbeat. I didn't even end up with any tears. A lot of women said that the 2nd birth was so much easier than the 2nd, and for me that was true. His positive birth experience gave me the healing I needed from the negative experience I had with DD.

Once I brought him home, life pretty much resumed to the way it was before, I was just a tad busier than I was before DS was born, but since DH and I had been through it all before with DD, we sort of knew what to expect. Going from 1 to 2 kids was like a walk through the park, I couldn't believe how easy it was! Being a mom for the 2nd time had its challenges of course, but since I had already experienced it before, going through it again was almost nothing but a shrug of the shoulders.

We live far apart from family and friends, it's about a 6 hr drive to anyone we know, so I basically raise the kids myself until DH gets home and he can help me. By now I suppose I am used to it, I rarely see any family, we almost never have babysitters. We have made a few friends near us though, and have gotten them to babysit for us so that DH and I can go out together.

Really, you can't dwell on the "What ifs" you have to live for the "What is." You can't let the fear of something that doesn't even exist yet keep you from making a life decision.

Now that DS is almost 19 months, it's still easy. I have to clean up more, but they play together all the time that I don't need to be on the floor entertaining DD all the time like I was before she had a sibling. I can actually get things done around the house. Giving DD a sibling was the best decision I've ever made, she loves it, they love each other, and I definitely love seeing them play together, hug each other, kiss each other. Having a sibling in life teaches children so much as they grow.

Thank you so much for this!!!
It is just what I needed to hear What you have said is what I hope for. Right now I have doubt because of cause you have to share your time with them both, but I hope after the first year they will play together

 

[LockandKey]

Splitting time between them when you have a newborn/infant is tricky. Since the infant will demand your attention, the time between them is roughly 90% to 10%. Not going to lie, your first takes a back seat and they end up spending more time with your DH/OH than you. As the new little one gets bigger is when that time starts to even out again. Don't let this scare you though, that is the reality, but if you come up with a game plan, surviving is easy.

A baby carrier saved me with two kids. I wore DS on my front or back while I cooked or did whatever around the house. DS was happy being attached to me, and I could pay more attention to DD, and since DD was older (she was 2 yrs 3 months when DS was born) she was more interested in helping me. She enjoyed helping me put the dishes away, helped me pick out clothes for her little brother, she helped me get diapers for him or food for him, she helped me feed him when he started eating solids. I was also afraid that DD would be totally ignored if I had another, but you end up learning to work together as a family, and there were times that she was, but a trick I picked up really quick was I got whatever DD wanted or needed first because A) her needs were easier and quicker to satisfy, and B) that way she wouldn't feel forgotten or left out.

There were days when I had DH take DS I just went out with DD, or vice versa so I could learn to split my time with both of them. Now that DS is 19 months my time between them is about 50/50

 

[Eleanor ace]

I found going from 0-1 easy and 1-2 comparatively hard, but after the first few weeks it got easier and once DD got more interactive and mobile it was much easier. Now they are 3.5 and almost 2 and it is easier having 2 than 1. They play together, they are best buddies and I'm able to get stuff done while they entertain each other . My 2nd LO is definitely the harder of the two- I'd have been really scared about having a 2nd if she'd been my 1st . My DS wasn't a great sleeper but my DD is a lot worse, but I find it easier to deal with because I came through it with DS; knowing there really is a light at the end of the tunnel makes it much more bearable.

 

[justmeinlove]

Eleanor, yeah, hopefully we had the really hard but now lovely one first...it's just being brave enough to try another...i am So scared of regretting it :-\

 

[krissie328]

I am really scared to have a second one too. I actually had a great pregnancy and birth experience. I have a fantastic support network as well and have someone to watch him if I need it.

But I work full time and feel so stressed and tight for time as it is with just him. I did not enjoy the infant stage or the first few months in general. He is a terrible sleeper. He wakes on average 2-3 times a night. My DH really wants to start trying and is so insistent we have a second one. The idea is really freaking me out. I really do want a second one but the idea just terrifies me. I have had a pretty easy baby and if the next one is difficult I don't know if I would cope well.

 

[justmeinlove]

Super sympathy. I understand. Thing is, aside from lo being super hard when she was tiny, money worries and no support network...i love my husband So much and just find it hard and unpalatable to consider doing something that will result in being able to give him even Less of my time and attention :-\
Though I suppose that is where #2 would be good in that if dd has a sibling she has someone to play with, not just us...