Not sure if the father should be there for the birth?

[SingleNPrego]

I am 37 weeks and alone. I was in and out the hospital for months, due to a hemmorrage, now I have preeclampsia (all of which I went through alone,while working 2 jobs) My sons father doesn't care about him or me, he would go to visits and act like it was punishment.He lies to other people to make it look like he's around,when he's not. He is honestly the most full of s**t person I have ever known. He was not like that before. We both decided to have this baby. I haven't heard from him in 3 months, nor his family. I'm pretty sure the idiot is telling people its not his (he needs something to excuse him from reality,it allows him to sleep at night.) And as the day approaches, I really don't want him in the room. I was considering just sending him a text letting him know I had the baby.I don't think its fair he made my pregnancy hell,and then I have to deal with his crap during that special moment. There's way more to the story don't want to go on and on. Any advice helps

 

[syntaxerror]

If he's not good to you, I don't think he'll be doing you any favors by being there. Think it'd stress you more to have him in the room or to be apart from him?

 

[OneFitMom]

If you haven't heard from him in three months, I don't see that you really have any obligation to have him present at the birth. Better to have a solid support person that can help you out and really make you feel comfortable, like a close friend or relative.

Definitely let him know afterwards, though. He is, after all, the father.

 

[goddess25]

It doesn't sound like he would be the best person to support you through labour and birth. You should find someone else to be with you that you can trust. Sorry your having such a hard time.

 

[K80]

That is your special day only share it with who you want to! And you def don't need any additional stress on you when you are trying to give birth. I would tell him now that you dont want him present for the birth and see if it changes his attitude at all Hang in there girl. I am a single mom to two beautiful boys! Enjoy your stay in the hospital because it is rather luxurious being able to pushg a button and get help whenever you want. I would'nt lie about having the baby becaus eif it comes down to it and you do nee dhim it might backfire on you. Don't stoop to his level just take care of yourself and your baby and enjoy your pregnancy and birthing experience as much as possible.

 

[DarlingMe]

I dont think I would put his name on the birth certificate either! Just to really make his life a living hell if he tries to get any custody rights! Unless you are going to be able to get child support from him, which I think you might be better off avoiding even if you could! It isnt fair to your child that he has put you through this and will put your child through much worse disappointment. He doesnt deserve to be there so dont feel guilty or obligated to do anything!

 

[crazylilth1ng]

He is obviously not interested. In my opinion he gave up any rights he has to this baby 3 months ago when he abandoned the pregnancy. I would just send a text after baby is born, and personally I would have "father unknown" on the birth certificate as it is better than "father arse hole".

I'm sorry this man has turned out such a let down!

 

[BetsyRN]

I agree with everyone else -- don't have him in the delivery room if its already stressing you out. You want your labor experience to be positive and no one should detract from it. I would think very carefully about putting his name on the birth certificate, though. Depending on where you live, he may have to volunteer to sign (with identification) for his name to be listed under father. While it may may tempting to leave him off since it sounds like he was just a "sperm donor", it will make it more difficult for you to get child support later on if you choose to do so. Even though it sounds like you work hard to enough to support your child on your own, your son deserves financial support from him, even if he never receives emotional support. Good luck to you....

 

[Celesse]

I wouldn't let an ex see me having a tooth out, so I definatly wouldn't let an ex see me giving birth. I don't think the father has any right to be at the birth, whether in a relationship or not. It's up to you to decide who you want there.

 

[mommy__to__be]

If he hasn't been there for you and doesn't seem to care then he is not worth it! Why should you let him be a part of the most special day/moment of your life if he's treating you like this?
Get your mom or your best friend to come, someone who knows and loves you!!

 

[Blah11]

Just because he is the father, doesn't mean he automatically has the right to be there for the birth. You decide if he's to be there, no one else and IMO it sounds like you def don't want him there.

That being said, don't write him off just yet. Hopefully he'll fall in love with his baby and be a great father after the birth.

 

[numum]

Hell no! Your instinct is dead right, only positive energy around you for this huge journey you and your baby are undertaking together-potentially stressful situations NOT welcome! I'm sorry you have to go through this alone though frankly it sounds as though you're better off just to let you know my friend is a single mum and the baby's dad is an asshole and she is so much better off without him and is coping brilliant the lo is such an adorable child and they are a happy family just the two of them.

 

[Mypreciouskid]

Sounds like he isn't even worthy of a text. I wouldn't allow him in the room for delivery...not fair to you. (((hugs)))

 

[MonstHer]

Are you planning on putting him on the birth certificate or having him in your child's life afterwards?
My decision would rely heavily on those two answers.
But from your description as of now, NO!

 

[SingleNPrego]

Thank you to everyone that has responded. I really needed the outside advice. I plan on going through the delivery with my mom. Once I feel better I will text him and let him know. He'll probably show up,(because he will want to look like he's a good guy) and I'm sure he'll bring someone with him because he is a coward and can't face me and my family alone. I will be putting his name on the birth certificate for my sons sake. If he signs, he signs. If not oh well. I'm not pursuing child support because I just want him to go away. I never thought this would ever get here. It hurts to see dads with their kids, or happy couples that are expecting. Just today my Dr. asked about him, to my embarrassment I told him about the situation....eh oh well my mom raised a strong woman, ill be ok.

 

[DarlingMe]

Thank you to everyone that has responded. I really needed the outside advice. I plan on going through the delivery with my mom. Once I feel better I will text him and let him know. He'll probably show up,(because he will want to look like he's a good guy) and I'm sure he'll bring someone with him because he is a coward and can't face me and my family alone. I will be putting his name on the birth certificate for my sons sake. If he signs, he signs. If not oh well. I'm not pursuing child support because I just want him to go away. I never thought this would ever get here. It hurts to see dads with their kids, or happy couples that are expecting. Just today my Dr. asked about him, to my embarrassment I told him about the situation....eh oh well my mom raised a strong woman, ill be ok.

Just thought I would mention, if you just want him to go away I would leave him off the birth certificate! If he is on it, it will be much easier for him to be involved if he decides to do so. And I am not sure at this point if he deserves anything to be easy. If you leave him off you will have more control over it and he will have to fight for a right to see his child. If he really wants to be involved it will be worth it for him. To be honest, I dont think your child will know either way. I dont think I have ever seen my birth certificate! Maybe when I got my driver's license?

If I were in your situation and didnt plan on fighting for child support, I would strongly reconsider the whole birth certificate thing. Is LO going to have your last name? Sorry if I am getting to personal! I am not trying to sound like some sort of man hater, but I hate for your child to have to deal with a dead beat dad. If you can keep him out of this, unfortunately it might be better for everyone involved. What a hard decision to make.

 

[Mommi2Be]

I'm not with the FOB and he's made my whole pregnancy hell. There's NO way I'm allowing him to even know when I'm in the hospital.

Best of luck to you. Stay strong!

 

[teal]

He should only be there is you feel comfortable with it xx

 

[DarlingMe]

I dont think OP checks this site anymore