Not sure who else to talk to...

[ArtIsLife]

...so I'm VERY close with my grandma, we called her Grammy. Anyway, she just turned 80 but you would never guess it, she has always been a healthy person. And she has a glow about her and everyone she has ever met she has helped and been there for, she is an AMAZING person... everyone LOVES HER TO DEATH.

...in November we found out she has pancreatic cancer (found out 2 days before my wedding) and now we just found out its in her lungs and liver. She has only a few months left.

I feel like I have no one to talk to about my hurt because not only am I super sad about losing her soon but its been a dream since I was a child that my future children would be able to know my grandma. Its tearing my heart apart to now know that probably won't happen. My DH thinks I need to not think about that and think about what's best for HER right now, which I get. But I feel like its selfish and no one would understand. :.( it kills me that my child will never meet my Grammy.

Anyone have children that know their great grandparents? Or hope their future kids will?

 

[aimee-lou]

Bit different bit my dad passed in 2012. He only met ds2 once and didn't even know about ds3. Ds1 doesn't really remember him. It is very sad that they will never know grandad or he them. I talk about him every day and his picture is on the wall. When they're older i hope to take them to places he took me. The best thing is to keep them with you and speak about them often.

I'm sorry about your Grammy. She is obviously dearly loved and your oh is right, you need to concentrate on her. Talk to her, hear her story and make memories that you can share with your future children. They will know Grammy, through you. Hugs x

 

[ArtIsLife]

Thanks, Aimee-lou, your post made me tear up. I'm sorry about your dad, I'm sure he was a wonderful person, and I hope your boys will remember him through you. You're right, I will try to spend as much time with her as I can in the upcoming months. The thought of my kids not being able to go to holiday gatherings at Grammy's house like I did is so hard but I will talk about it a lot to them and show them lots of pictures.

 

[tverb84]

My grandpa on my mom's side passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2007 so he won't be able to meet his great granddaughter or great grandson. I'm not sure if the cancer spread to other parts of his body.

Both of my grandparents on my dad's side passed away. My grandpa passed away in 2003 he did get to meet some of his great grandchildren but not all. Same with my grandma she met more than he did but she passed away last March. She didn't get to meet my cousin's new son who was born a few weeks ago and won't meet my nephew or niece who will be born this summer. I know they are all watching down from heaven.

 

[MissMcCoy]

You've got the memories to share. Your future child will know him through you!

 

[CaliFrog]

I am sorry to hear this and can understand how you feel. I only really remember my grandmother on my father's side and both granpas died before I was born. Luckily, my nephew and (soon) my niece will know their grandmothers and grandfathers. I hope I can say the same about my children....

Like many have already said, your grandmother will live on in the stores you tell your children and pictures you show. Enjoy the time you have together and learn as much about her and her life story as you can.

 

[Symphony7]

Oh, I am so sorry about your grandma. My gran died when I was 14 from a similar cancer. It was hard as I approached my wedding knowing both my husbands grandparents were there, but I had none. Even harder knowing how great my childhood was with my gran and knowing they won't have that same experience. But I hope they will have just as good of an experience with their grandparents. It's a special thing, having grandparents. It's natural for you to be sad that the dream of your future family will look different because she isn't there...don't feel selfish about that. It just means that you love her and you saw her as being part of your future family, not just part of your present or past family.

Prayers for your grandma and family. ❤️

 

[Emmymommy]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Grammy! I understand your feelings, as my Grandma passed away this past September (preceded by my Grandpa and my Grandma on my other side). For all of my Grandparents that passed, it was also a dream for me to have them meet their great grandchildren, but especially with this Grandma as she was the person who took care of me most besides my parents. I understand that this is especially hard because you feel you're "so close" to having them meet!! It was the same for me.

I understand what your DH is saying, but people all grieve in different ways, and for you, you looked forward to the next chapter in your relationship together - having her spend time with your children - and you're grieving the loss of that future alongside the loss of her as a person. I agree with the other posters in saying you should spend as much time as you can with her and enjoy the moments you have. For me, what helped was sharing my plans with her about children, and for that selfish part of me grieving the loss of our future together, it helped me to know that she knew of my plans and was excited for them.

I hope you can find some joy together with her in the next times you visit to hold on to and remember her by, along with all the lovely memories you've built over the years.

 

[ArtIsLife]

Gosh, thank you guys so much, you're all making me tear up with your wonderful responses, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt this way, and I'm sorry for all your losses as well. I guess its just part of life and I hope they will enjoy their grandma as much as I loved and enjoyed mine. I guess as a kid, you just expect the fun you had with all your cousins and family at Grammy's house to last forever. And as you grow older you learn that there are realities in life, and life is precious. I try hard to make the best of my last visits with her. I will never lose the memories. Or ever forget her. I am so blessed that she was at my wedding in November.

 

[callmedan]

im so sorry hun, i am in a similar position to you at the minute and it just sucks i cant even write about it

you are not alone though, all i am trying to think of is the good memories and when the time does come all of our family will be there

it is awful though

 

[ArtIsLife]

Soooo....I also just found out today that my parents are getting divorced after 28 years. This is not a good week.

Callmedan, I'm sorry you're in a similar situation too, its not easy...

 

[tverb84]

I know how it feels to have divorced parents. Mine have been divorced since I was 5 and I remember going back and forth on the weekends.

 

[ArtIsLife]

They separated twice when I was little, and it was so hard, I have a ten year old brother, so I really feel for him. I think he will be happier though, because the atmosphere is always so tense its starting to affect him (he is acting in school etc.) and he can't stand it at home so I think he will be relieved.

 

[Abblebubba]

So sorry about your grandma Hun big hugs xx

I'm not sure if it's everyone's thing but recently found out my uncle has incurable
lung cancer and he has months to live he is doing a video message for his grandchildren for their birthdays 18th 21sts ect it was his choice and I think it's a lovely idea

Xx