Not sure who i am anymore! feel a bit lost :(

[ellydu]

Hey,
i have a 8 month old daughter who i love more than anything but dnt get ANY help from my husband (her daddy) at all!
when she was born i breastfed for the first 3 weeks and wasnt producing any milk as i wasnt getting any rest ir eating! in fact i dnt think i ate till she was 2 months old! when i decided to bottle feed i thought this would involve my husband more as he said he could help with feeds....it didnt! i still had to get up during the night to get bottles ready etc!
i can count on one hand how many times he has changed her dirty nappies (pee ones r ok) and bathed her!
i have had enough!! now she is well on her way to solid foods and i STILL have no help!
my husband has a full time job with the rail way and works different shifts, i understand that nightshift does take it out of u but so does looking after a baby 24/7. and if i hear that he is tired one more time am gna scream!
the only time i get a minutes peace is when im in the shower, if i want to go c a friend i have to take her with me! dnt get me wrong i love spending time with my baby girl, i'd be lost with out her but i would some time to myself now and then! the whole experience has made me not want anymore kids!
a few months ago i went to the docs to spk to someone abt how i was feeling as my mood swings were getting outragous!
i was prescibed an anti depressant and guess what....still no f*cking help!
to make matters worse, i dnt think i love him anymore the way i should! i honestly feel like moving out and ending it!
talkin to him dnt help, he says he'll change but never does!
i feel i like a single mum living with a roommate who i share a bed with
dnt no what to do! i feel lost and dnt feel like me anymore! im constanly down! x

 

[princessellie]

i know how you feel but my OH is getting a lot better now, think it was more cos he didnt know what he was doing and he still doesnt really, its more instinctual for mothers i think

x

 

[ellydu]

dnt no how long a can stick abt for waiting for him to get his ass in gear tho!
his PSP and PS3 get all the attention and i have to ask him to take Amy x

 

[princessellie]

men are just generally useless i think, my OH doesnt understand at all why i get pissy when i have to tell him to do everything, he thinks he is a well good OH because he does everything i ask him to, but the thing is, if i dont ask him to do anything he just sits there

x

 

[Lisa1302]

You need to tell him straight it won't continue - he bucks up his ideas or he is out. Honestly some men need to be kicked out of the 'hotel' before they actually realise they are lazy sods!
My OH, he works at home long hours - he cooks most nights and helps with Izzy quite a lot really, especially nights and weekends. He does feck all else though, never cleans unless I go mad at him - BUT I can't moan too much because he does a hell of a lot more than some men and with him being here at home I get help in the day if I really need it!

As for you OH claiming he works so that's his share - that is a rubbish excuse, I work too and I don't finish and expect someone else to do everything just cos I been working! In fact tomorrow I have to work around Izzys naps as I have no childcare (my mum has her but she is busy tomorrow) - so I will have to work, look after Izzy, feed myself and her - plus try to do anything else that needs doing. Some men simply find the whole multitasking thing very hard!

The only way to change it is to give him the final option - nothing else worked so he has to go - if he is a decent man he will shortly realise how bad he has been - and it wont be too long before he is back!

 

[princessellie]

paul uses the i work excuse aswell, erm yeh so do i!!! just cos i work from home doesnt make it any less hard haha

apart from the fact he is a bloody waiter!!! come on please!

x

 

[BabyHaines]

This sounds very much like my OH, only he works from home, so it's even harder, as he can be working from 6am 'til 10pm every day!!
I kind of just accept it now though. He doesn't change nappies & I BF, so that's down to me too. He's only ever managed to bath & dress him on his own once!!
Mind you, if anything, it's just made my relationship with George stronger xxxx

 

[redpoppy]

My OH is luckily really good but it did take me going totally nuts before he started to really help out. Not that he wasn't willing to but I just didn't like asking because of that whole "he works" thing.

But its just seriously not enough. Unless your OH wants you to go mad and unless he seriously doesn't love you enough to do something about it then he's going to have to get used to the fact that looking after a baby is FULL TIME work.

Do you ever leave him with your daughter for any length of time on the weekends? because that REALLY makes men realise how hard it can be. You need to ask him to look after her for say, three or four hours on a day off and see how "easy" it is.

Also, you need to explain to him how many relationships actually end because of the stress and strain a child can put on them. I think motherhood is fantastic but what they don't tell you is that it can be the MOST isolating experience of your life. And if he uses the PS3 or PSP as excused to "unwind" bring him to me. That's just not acceptable as he has a BABY now. I LOVE my Xbox and PSP and I've come to term with the fact that I will not ever see them again till Im done with kids probably. And every time I pass a red dead redemption poster my toes curl with envy but thats the rteality of being a parent.

You need to lovingly explain to him that he's got a kid now so he has to start acting like a man, a father and not like a boy. Also you need to get a break. if its a friend or yoru mum or someone just so you can get some rest and relaxation and you time. I HATE people telling me this as I'm not ready to leave my LO yet but I am working towards it and due to a few crazy days I know I need to but all in my own time.

I'm actually quite angry at your OH but its best to try and find the best solution. But to be honest he sounds like a spoilt brat. I hope you guys figure something out and he remembers he's supposed to love you and that you're not doing great and its his job to help you feel better.

 

[cath]

My OH does help out but has to be asked or nagged to do it. I then get resentful for having to ask for help all the time. The way we've solved it is to give him his own set 'jobs' to do with C. So for example you could say that on Mondays & Wednesdays, its his turn to bath LO & put her to bed. If its on set days, he's no excuse for having to be nagged & you know that you're going to get a bit of free time on those days to do what you want to do.

 

[gills8752]

You need to have a sit down and speak with him. If things dont get spoken about then it will go down hill and im sure at the end of the day you want it to work out.

My oh works all day and still comes home to change nappies and bath lo. I even get 2 nights off a week to do what I want to do without baby. We sat down and talked about this and now it works brilliantly. We both get two nights off during the week to do what we want to do and spend the rest of the time together. It works really well but if we didn't sit down I dont think it would be going so smoothly.

Good luck and I hope you get it sorted xxx