Kezzy is pulling herself up on things, she has a box she plays with, and she pushes herself up and walks behind it to keep her balance. She is such an amazing little girl. I see her as often as I can, but I'm in a real tough spot myself right now.
She is going to be a tall girl just like me, she is already showing her height. I just feel so proud to have her as my daughter, and I really miss her.
I went out to visit her the other night and she called me mummy. She actually recognised me and called me. It nearly made me cry!
On a sadder note, I just had an early miscarriage. It's cut me pretty deep to be honest; trying to get passed the guilt (the blame phase) and the fact that I lost it. I'm trying to keep my emotions about it tucked away because I'm just getting passed post natal depression, but it is very hard.
I feel like a failed mother and a failed woman.
I've decided, however, that I'm finally going to do something with my life, so I can give my daughter a better life. I'm joining the Royal Australian Air Force, and getting my act together. I need the stability that a military lifestyle will bring, and I need the income to help support my daughter.
A lot of things are tearing me up, I'm basically homeless, I'm heart-sick and I've been borderline suicidal, so I really need a change of lifestyle to survive.
I just thought I better give you girls an update, because I love you all, and hope everything is going well with your babies and for those of you with another on the way, congratulations.