NTNP but confused

[Lastchances]

This is going to be long but I dont know how else to start. I finally just stumbled upon this whole NTNP acronym, and now I feel like I may actually belong somewhere. This month had been crazy. So I guess maybe this can be an introduction and info on what's currently up. I just turned 41. I've used condoms pretty flawlessly (incl. during marriage) until very recently with my boyfriend. I say he totally corrupted me. Lol I never took chemical birth control. I also never ever smoked or drank and tend to be, and appear pretty youthful at least in most ways. Fertility is a whole other question. He's really the first good guy I've been with in many years. In late March we started having unprotected sex at low risk times. I'm not even sure why I suddenly allowed this. I guess it was part him and part, at my age the odds are low. We got a little too close May 2nd. I had my last period May 15th. On May 21st, 22nd, 23rd, 24th & 25th, we had unprotected sex and that was way high risk. It was like we just didn't care. I felt what I've always called OV pain the 26th and 27th. My cycles are basically 26-27 days. They last for 5 days and it's like a crime scene until the very end. No mistaking them! Lol On June 1st I started bleeding very lightly. The color and consistency varied a bit. Some obvious but thin blood and some transparent barely color like pink or brown. Not thick and clotty like my periods. More when I wiped on the tissue than anything else. A bit on a liner. It lasted 8 days. Never in my life did I need only panty liners or less. Of course given the timing, i thought...could I be pregnant? He thought the same thing. He has children and knows more about these things than any guy I've ever encountered. (He reads tons) I got a BFN on the 2nd (trying to rule out chem. Pregnancy/earlier conception date despite period), and on the 7th & today. Af was due 2 days ago. Nothing. I feel twinges of things now and then but I had that way too early for AF anyway. I guess I'm not pregnant. We've talked a lot. We talk about personal things. He darn well knows my cycles in detail. Lol We haven't used protection at all since April, so he couldn't exactly claim to have no idea I could get pregnant. It seems like NTNP indeed fits us. Like a "put it in fate's hands" sort of thing. After my last BFN last week i asked him if he was at all disappointed because I felt a little crazy. We talked. It seems like me, he isn't necessarily looking for it but we will rise to the occasion/challenge if it does and embrace it later. It isn't like he's been reaching for a condom. Lol. So now I'm just confused. My emotions are confusing as hell lately. This is the least stress I've been under in years by far so it shouldn't be that. With my psycho ex who kinda terrorized me sadly my periods were more wonky. But i feel so stable these days. And dare I say... happy.

I know the odds are so low of it happening first time and at my age, but how weird to have an abnormal (and spotty) bleeding event just after I happen to have unprotected sex right before OV. The timing is crazy. Was perfect for implantation. But....BFNs. 16-17 dpo today I think. I've been going just slightly nuts. I guess I'm not. But what the heck.

 

[Lastchances]

Naturally, reading about all these women who supposedly has BFNs for a while for various reasons, but were actually pregnant, has annoyingly kept me from just giving in totally to the idea that I'm not, and being late for my normal period isn't helping.

 

[Lastchances]

Another BFN. But no AF. I'm never late like this. That other bleeding was way too early nothing like a period in any way. But here I am like a nut still avoiding ibuprofen (need it for my headaches), caffeine and some other things on the slim chance of a pregnancy that probably doesn't exist. If AF would show up, that would be a big help. There is no mistaking my awful periods.

 

[foodiewife]

maybe you ovulated late and its still too early to test. wait a few more days and if AF doesn't show then maybe do a blood test at a doctor's office. Also, have you tried different brands of tests?

 

[Lastchances]

I've only used the New Choice Dollar Tree Brand so far. I guess I feel less ridiculous spending money on those. I don't think I'm symptomatic either. Maybe slightly headachey and dizzy at times or a tiny wave of nausea (not preventing me from eating) but nothing like throwing up or sore breasts etc. Any symptoms could just be my sucky sinuses. I refuse to take my usual Ibuprofen & Sudafed right now just in case. I could swear I ovulated the 26th-27th because i always feel it, but I suppose I could be wrong. I know not everyone had many symptoms and some people seem to not get BFPs until oddly late, but I can't imagine I'm one of them. I have no idea what that spotting was about. Not a single thing about it fit my periods ever, and the timing was sooo suspicious like it could have been conception related. I just don't know anymore. I figure yes I'll have to keep waiting things out then get blood work if AF doesn't show.

 

[foodiewife]

waiting is the worst part...and being new to ntnp makes it even more nerve wracking especially at the beginning i think. keep testing, i would use a frer at least once to make sure its not just the tests themselves. i know i've been freaking out at any sign of pg since beginning ntnp, trying to wait my best to test on wed which would be 10dpo if it even happened. maybe after this we'll figure out how to keep ourselves too busy to worry about it...sigh... maybe we'll just get knocked up and have that to worry about instead

 

[Lastchances]

Lol. Maybe. Sometimes I feel a little crazy. It's like I feel disappointed at things that seem like I'm not, but then intellectually I know it's a little crazy to want it at all, and there will probably be an initial freak out if I see a BFP. LOL. I actually talked to my BF about it last Sunday and he appeared to totally get it and not think I'm crazy. Sounds like he thinks similarly. That's good at least. Lol. We had sex in Early May at a high risk time (before we seeeed to accidentally? Slide into full NTNP) bt I got AF May 15th all normal, felt a little sad but that was it. This is a whole new kind of confusing. Onward we go... maybe your BFP is almost here!

 

[Lastchances]

I was such a good little girl for so many years. Even married. Lol. Never even took chemical birth control. Only condoms and yes I darn well made sure they wer used right. So this is all sooo new to me. The fact that I even could be at any time. Bound to make me a little crazy I suppose. Especially when it happens to coincide with other strange happenings.

I've thought of trying Frer once like you said, but maybe not quite yet. Maybe if AF still stays away i'll warrant a 2nd opinion.

 

[gigglebox]

Maybe peri-menopausal? The timing is crazy but stranger things have happened...

 

[Lastchances]

It sure would be crazy timing, yeah. But it is of course possible. Almost a little comical. Well now I won't be able to time anything and somehow I don't see us using protection all the time so I suppose anything can happen. Guess we'll see if anything ends up meant to be. An 11th hour shot at things. I guess I maybe liked the thought that even though I've been through some rough stuff, which cost me all my "good" years (reproductively speaking), I may just have managed to change things just in time for a shot at it all. Could happen.

The nature of that bleeding will always be so bizarre though. I know what a period is and why it happens, but not what I had.

Guess maybe now that I think I know better what we're doing (not preventing) I'll hang around here and see how things go. For now I'm still just waiting for AF anyway.

 

[gigglebox]

How serious are things with this man? Why not actively try for a child, if that's what you really want?

 

[Lastchances]

I just think NTNP is enough. Plus, I don't feel there is much difference (beyond semantics) between "trying," and having unprotected sex quite regularly, including during the most fertile times, fully aware of what can happen. I don't think exact intent really matters much in the grand scheme of things. It either will or won't. The way we are, it isn't like we have to plan to use the right timing anyway, since at this point...it happens pretty much at all times. I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't aware of the calendar at all times, and did it anyway. Neither one of us is naive or without restraint. Lol I use 2 tracking apps btw. One is OVIA.
Obviously, for those struggling and willing to use extra means to conceive, there would be a difference.

Our mutual take seems to be more...we hadn't thought it was part of the plan, but our planned stuff in life hasn't exactly worked out the best either, and if this happens (the odds are just simply quite low), we will make the best of it and embrace it. I suspect even more than that when all is said and done.

 

[Lastchances]

Just in case anyone going through similar stumbles upon this thread later, as I have with many others, I don't want to leave it just hanging and unresolved.

AF did show. Very uncharacteristically late for me. CD 36. (Which became CD 1). Started kinda slow. For the first 12 hrs looking more like the spotting days did, and only stayed heavy for about the next day and a half, which is all unusual for how things normally work for me, but I still feel confident it is my real period. It could just be peri-menopause symptoms quite suddenly beginning at such an oddly coincidental time. May never know for sure. Will be interesting to see how things go from here...