NTNP not so easy

Discussion in 'Not Trying, Not Preventing' started by Aphy, Apr 8, 2019.

  1. Aphy

    Aphy Well-Known Member

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    I had my mirena removed beginning of March and had my first period last week. Initially DH and I said we wanted to start ttc #2 but we are so ambivalent that I think we are currently more going to ntnp and only start actively ttc later in the year. It was a struggle to fall pregnant with my ds and eventually I was diagnosed with pcos and so had to do the temping and clomid thing. My problem now is that because of how involved I had to be last time, whether I like it or not, I know when my fertile time is and also am aware of when my cm indicates fertility. I cant stop being aware of it so now I dont know whether I should be avoiding dtd around fertile time or encouraging it. DH and I dont have a very active sex life and when it does happen, I usually have to initiate it so as much as I want to have a relaxed approach towards it for now, I cant. I pretty much dont have a libido to speak of so its not as if I will get carried away with lust regardless of the timing and thus forget the date etc. Dtd is always a conscious decision and effort I make. I am enjoying our ds so much currently that I am ambivalent about ttc which is why I would prefer the ntnp approach for a few months
     
  2. Angel022605

    Angel022605 Well-Known Member

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    You’re not alone. I too have posted similar. Titled “need help”. I’ve never been pregnant. We have male infertility issues with low sperm count and low motility. We’ve been so focused on TTC to the point it became very stressful and depressing when we didn’t get the BFP. I was 2 days late a couple months ago hoping this was our miracle and then AF showed. We’re gonna try and relax but we’re both so in tuned with when I’m fertile it’s almost impossible to ignore. We just wanna relax and enjoy DTD. Poor DH blames himself for us not conceiving. It makes him feel so pressured to DTD that it depresses him even more to the point he’s not interested and when/if he is the interest is very short lived. I remember times when we had fun in the bedroom before we even knew what being fertile meant. We want to visit those times again and just make careless love and go where it leads us. You’re not alone and I hope I’ve shed some positive light on things for you. Have fun and let go. Prayers to you and DH.
     
  3. Ellie Bean

    Ellie Bean Well-Known Member

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    I understand too! It's so hard to ntnp when you know all of the fertile signs and usual O time. I also have an addiction to peeing sticks so ive already bought some opk's but haven't told DH yet lol. We have 2 kids that we conceived by IVF d/t DH having low sperm count, but we're not ready to try IVF a third time so we're juat kind of winging it per se....but then the other day DH told me he bought fertilaid for men (which in the past made his sperm count go from 2mil/mL to 36mil/mL...anything above 20mil/mL is good for conceiving) so now i feel kind of pressured to know when I O so that we're giving things the best possible chance lol.
     
  4. Aphy

    Aphy Well-Known Member

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    I am glad that you and DH are on the same page! Exciting times ahead :) I hope the fertilaid does its job again
     
  5. baileybubs

    baileybubs Well-Known Member

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    Hey ladies,

    I posted a similar post a couple of months ago about the same thing. My cycles are usually bang on time and after actively TTC 2 of my 3 children I completely know when i O. My dh doesn’t have a high sex drive either and I often have to initiate sex. He often overthinks things and when we were TTC our youngest he struggled to climax due to the pressure - and even when not TTC he doesn’t always climax. I find it hard not to initiate the sex when I know it’s O time as I do want a baby and the reason we are NTNP is because actively TTC was too much for my dh, but I then feel so disappointed when we dtd around O time and he doesn’t climax, which in turn puts me off doing it around that time to avoid disappointment (if that makes sense!). Now I don’t know whether to just accept that I will have this frustration to live with until we either succeed in getting pregnant or decide we no longer want to keep trying.

    It’s so hard isn’t it when we know our bodies so well! But I guess we can all vent on here to feel a bit better
    I know my O day is due on Monday so I’m in my fertile time now and I do want to dtd but I’m worried I’ll be too disappointed if dh doesn’t climax and it’s getting hard to hide from him!
     
  6. Aphy

    Aphy Well-Known Member

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    Would it possibly work for you to initiate sex more regularly (once or twice weekly) that way he wont realize the pressure? Even if he doesnt climax the first time in O week, he might climax the second and since sperm stays active for a few days, you will still be covered when you O?
     
  7. baileybubs

    baileybubs Well-Known Member

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    That’s a good idea actually - I might give that a try. My dh also has asthma which quite often causes problems during sex but I guess doing it more often may help both of our fitness levels :-D
    How are you getting on?
     
  8. Aphy

    Aphy Well-Known Member

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    I hope it helps :lol: asthma sucks

    I’m doing really good thanks! No complaints currently
     

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