OH and Smoking.

[Shakeitout]

My OH is a smoker. When I became pregnant he was all "right I'm going to give up" ect, but he hasn't, when j was first pregnant he stopped smoking around me, then as the pregnancy went on he got bored of making the effort and started smoking around me / just before seeing me so he stank of it all the time. I was annoyed but put up with it for a few weeks before putting my foot down again. Now he doesn't smoke before seeing me, but it's still on his clothes, in his hair, in his car ect and it's really annoying me.

We don't live together at the moment, thankfully, but are moving in when baby is about 3/4 months old. I live with my mum and have completely done out my room to make it ready for baby and he still lives out of his teenagers bedroom at his parents house (he is 32!). I asked him yesterday if he was planning on cleaning it up to make room for when we spend time there with baby and his reply was that he would move some stuff back on his desk and the baby's basket can go in there... Seriously!?

Since I found out I was pregnant I've not have one drop of alcohol, have eaten well, taken care of myself, I've been ill for the past 5 weeks and taken nothing for it because of the pregnancy, and the 1 thing that he could do to make a difference for the baby is to give up smoking and he's just not interested. It has just made me really angry. :/

 

[ILUVSHOPPING]

I can understand your frustration and I think he's being a bit selfish. I'd call him out again in the smoking and let him know even though it's not in your presence you can't stomach the smell of on him. Did you tell him that he needs to come up with a better plan for his room so you can have adequate space for your little one?

 

[Shakeitout]

Yeah I called him on it again yesterday, and showed him some info (that I've showed him before) and I just don't know how he can read the effects of second hand smoke on baby's both in and out of the womb (increased risk of sids for example) and then continue to to smoke. He just went silent and then pretended to be alseep. As for his room... I did yes, but I just dont see it happening. It's just really starting to annoy me all the things that im doing for baby and he hasn't made a single life change to prepare yet.

I dunno, it's prob the hormones making me more reactive, just the more I think about it the more it bugs me.

 

[redneckhippy]

I would tell him that you won't bring the baby over there if he is smoking in his room. My DH used to smoke, but thankfully he quit about 2 years ago, however most of his family still smokes. At first they were smoking around me, but I expressed my concern to my DH and he told his family when we're over they can't smoke around me, and the same will go when the baby is born. Smoking is one of the hardest things to quit, so it may be very hard for him, but he CAN make sure he doesn't smoke around you or the baby and that he goes outside to smoke so that he minimizes any exposure. If he doesn't feel ready to quit, then the LEAST he can do is that.

 

[THart]

I'm not sure if it is available where you ate, or how you and your oh would feel about it. But I've seen the e-cigarette really help members of my family and for me as a non-smoker I can't smell anything on them. Maybe it could be a thought to consider towards a compromise?

As for his messiness, I find with DH that I'm better off just cleaning a space up myself rather than waiting for hi to do it. Not ideal and certainly 'not fair' but I gave up on that aspect. He helps with things like dishes and vacuuming? But for him to tidy a room in the sense of going through things and sorting? Not a chance. He won't even go through his clothes to throw out ripped things lol.