OH decided he does not want the baby

[libbymarks198]

omg i dont know what has gotten in to him OH has decided he does not want the baby any more i dont know if hes going to leave me or what he is being really weird him and my mum talked the other day and since then he has gone all weird and we had a massive fight last night about him saying he does not want us to be poor and other crap. for 14 weeks when baby is here i will be on mat leave and not getting a lot of money so we are going to struggle for the time but i don't see why he thinks we should not of had the baby just because of 14 weeks out of our lives struggling...

ugh i am so mad! we planned this baby he wanted it and now he has changed his mind he cant do that why would he do that...

i don't want to be a single mum thats not what i signed up for lol we where in this together he met the midwife saw the babies heartbeat was so happy and excited he choose the names and now my mum has said something to him and he has changed his mind.

sorry i am just having a wee rant here but i just can't believe this is happening i am hoping he will get over it when he sees the baby at the 12 weeks scan in 3 and a half weeks

 

[xMissxZoiex]

I remember you from the TTC boards
He might snap out of it by the 12week scan, but he was fine enough to try for a baby but now its real hes not to keen, Maybe you should remind him of that, That should be his problem to get over and it isnt the babies fault!

& If worst comes to worst im sure you will do fine as a single mummy x

 

[libbymarks198]

I know once it is born he will love it and he even says that and says he wants to be a dad but he is just so worried about money and i'm not i know there is help there if we need it from family and he gets mad that i rely on my parents but i dont i never ask them for money and they have plently to give out anyway, it will be for 3 months out of our life that we will struggle i dont see that as a long time where as he sees it as a life time and he goes on about never having a holiday and never owning our own home i he seems to think this child is going to cost us everything i know they are not cheap but they also not expensive it depnds how you parent how you dress them what you buy them etcc... if we both have jobs we will be fine. ugh i am so mad

he says we should of waited another year or even just 6 months and yes i agree with him we should of but i am so happy it has happened and i love bubs to pieces and he did to until the other day

 

[Burchy314]

Why is he so worried about money? I mean you still have a long ways to go...just save all your money and you should be fine. Yes there might be some struggle, but then again that should be expected no matter what. Hopefully he realizes that the baby is worth a couple months of struggle.

 

[Katy09]

Oh hun... so sorry you're upset.. that's so horrible. But why would your mother have said anything to him?! I'd expect that from a MIL but not your own mother.. does she not want a grandchild?

I think you should give him some time to think this through, it obviously sounds like a rash decision and he probably doesn't know what he wants right now. He's probably just overwhelmed.. my DH and I talked about expenses as well.. we kind of freaked out at first but just gave it time.

Also, you should just wait it out.. wait till the baby is born.. everything will be great. Your OH will see how beautiful the baby is.. just give him time hun and good luck

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

So sorry hun , as other have said he might snap out of it....or grow up a little bit! I have days when i think if something goes wrong i'll be a sinlge mum and i dont want that as we tried for this baby togehter after our loss, Im sure when you have more scans and when baby is actually here he will be differant and will be sorry for the upset he is causing you just now x

 

[Tanara]

Tell him he wanted to have this baby you both choice to have a baby and he cant just back out, either way the baby is on its way so no matter what he is going to be a dad and have to step up.

And no one signs up to be a single mom fyi, but just because you love someone doesn't mean its going to work out. You should have considered this when you were TTC.

 

[libbymarks198]

we did consider money and it was never a problem we have never been short for cash just as of december he looses his job so its just me earning which sucks, he heard heart beat today when mw was around he didnt know she was coming and got sent home from work early was perfect timing because he was so happy and is excited again, im not worried about money at all my mum is to though but owell 14 weeks out of my life being poor is not long

 

[Yazz_n_bump]

Does he have a job? When on mat leave your on 130 odd pound a week in the UK, and if he's working you'll have his income. If he doesn't have a job then he needs to get one..

 

[libbymarks198]

ill get about 500 a week which is not enough to survive off..

he does but he wont come December getting a job is a lot easier said than done we are in a recission (sp?) so there is no jobs around espically for someone with no expereince and the thing he has experience in are never hiring it is such a hard job to get into.

 

[LilMiracle.x]

I do hope it all works out for you! It will be his loss! I think once he does see the baby or has a little time he will come round!
You have got so much to look forward to, dont let him get you down !

 

[Yazz_n_bump]

ill get about 500 a week which is not enough to survive off..

he does but he wont come December getting a job is a lot easier said than done we are in a recission (sp?) so there is no jobs around espically for someone with no expereince and the thing he has experience in are never hiring it is such a hard job to get into.

£500 a week??? Most people get a grand a month or less, that would pay my rent and bills and i'd still have loads of spending money lol!
Ah right, well there's no harm in looking he'll just have to continue looking and get benefits for the time being. A baby is hard work.. but it's not the end of the world.

 

[lily123]

^^ Gotta agree with Yazz here hun!

I am sorry that your OH was being like that but 500 pounds a week is a LOT of money, you'd easily be able to live off that xx

 

[mayb_baby]

we get £305 a week and we have more than enough to get by thats with bills! Xoxo

 

[1plus1equals3]

You'll be fine hun. My OH went thru this phase. They get over it.
Remeber, we become mommys once the sperm meets the egg, boys dont become daddys till they hold their LO in their arms.
It will all work out, he's probably using the excuse of no money because he doesnt have any other excuse. Pregnancy last a long time, and its definately enough time to save up money. Me and my OH had several fights when i was in the early stages of pregnancy. To the point where he'd tell me that we were never gonna work, that he didnt wanna be a daddy and he would often leave for a few hours.
And i learned that it was all because of what his F'n mother was saying.
Tell him not to let what others say affect him, you two have a miracle growing that you apparently tried for. Its you guy's baby and no one else should be able to change your minds about this. And that your scared about this too but its something you both have to help eachother thru, tell him that he has nothing to worry about either. Im sure in the end it will all work out. Once you get to see your baby on the u/s and find out the sex of the baby, im sure it will all turn around for the better.
Im wishing you all the luck in the world, Guys are a confusing species. lol.
Take your time and be patient, he's only a guy. lol

 

[NZBeth]

Libby (and I) are in NZ, not the UK so it is NZ$500, not £. Believe me, if it was £500 she would be sorted!

Sorry Libby, just thought I would clear that up. I didn't realise when you said yesterday morning that he had been talking to your mum that he had decided from that that he didn't want the baby any more! So glad he was home to hear the heartbeat and came to his senses again. As I've heard so many times, often men don't become as attached to the baby until it is actually born, so I'm sure things will be fine if he gets this excited again just hearing the heartbeat!
​

 

[libbymarks198]

thanks Beth, i get $500 a week i could live off about 6 or 7 hundred but not 5. OH can get a nenefit but means he can only live with me 3 days a week and mum said she will dob us in if he stays with me even more than that and i dont think we could go from living together full time to only part time.

im not worried becuase i know we will find away even if we get someone to move in with us for a while

 

[baby.moo]

Its a lil too late now. He better man up because he'll be poor with or without you since if he isn't with you he'll have to pay child support. Explain to him that its in his best intrest if hes so worried about money that its better to stay with you and baby.