OH has left me gutted, urgent advice needed.

[munchy]

So I found out yesterday/morning the night before (I got 2 positives but wasn't convinced so took another 2 to confirm the next morning) and after a little panic and shock I was over joyed, now I don't know how to feel, if you can bear with me and read through this I would be really greatful.
I'm 17 and OH is 21 (It's perfectly legal here in the UK) and we had been renting a lovely flat together, both working good jobs and thinking about getting married and having a baby. Anyhow, I recently lost my job and we couldn't afford the flat anymore so we are now living back with my mother, so the baby idea took a backseat. Now I'm pregnant and to my suprise, OH is less than thrilled and I am heart broken. :'(
He says it would be nice to have a baby, but he's not sure if he's ready, if we are ready, if we could afford it etc. Now I know its not ideal but it is our own fault, we knew this could happen so I feel we need to take responsibility for that. I understand his concerns but our relationship is very stable and I think that whilst it won't be easy we could do it. He keeps saying he 'doesn't know what to do' I don't know if that means whether or not we should have it, but to me not having it is not an option, is that selfish? What should I say to him, do I try to talk him round, he hasn't said a straight up 'no' and even if he had, I don't think it would change my mind, is that wrong?
I just don't know what to do now, has anyone been in a situation like this? Does anybody have any advice? I really need an outsiders input here.

 

[thecurlymama]

Hi love! Welcome to bnb and congratss on your little one!

That's a hard situation, but maybe your baby is a sign that your guys' plan before was meant to happen, and even though you're in a rough spot you two are meant to have a little one together!
Your man is probably just worried because he feels like he can't support you and the baby on his own, and that's generally the man's "job" as a father/partner to take care of mama and baby. Of course, he might feel guilty and worried, hence the "i don't know what to do" part, but I'm sure he'll come around.

It's absolutely not selfish to feel like it's your responsibility to keep your little life that you guys created... in this situation I totally agree that it's the right thing to do! Even though you guys aren't in the situation you thought you would be, it seems like you would both be a good pair and are ready to have a baby together.

Either way it's up to you, and if you're encouraging and reassure your man that you love him no matter what and that you're not going to blame him if money gets rough or it's hard to afford a baby on your own, I'm sure he'll come around . Having kids is almost never easy, and my boyfriend and I (I'm 16, he's 20) are just beginning to work out our financial issues (he's working- i'm not) and it's hard! But with a stable relationship and lots of love, I believe that you can do it!

Good luck and us ladies here at bnb are always here for advice!

 

[jozylynn896]

I agree with Curlymama completely!
As women its our natural instinct to care and nurture the baby and a mans instinct is to protect and provide. Hes just scared honey. In our world the worst thing would be if baby didn't get enough love and affection, and in our OHs lives the worst thing would be if they couldn'tprovide for the family.
He just ddoesn't want you and your little one to be disappointed in him.
He loves you honey, and he loves this baby. But he's just scared.
Just give him time. Reassure hin that everything will be okay and that you can do it!

 

[Caitie44]

I really don't have anything to add. The two above me explained perfectly! With my first pregnancy, OH was pretty similar. He was really pushing for an abortion or adoption because neither of us had jobs, neither of us could drive, etc. I was really upset with him until he explained he was terrified he'd be a horrible dad and boyfriend. About two weeks after we found out, he got a job and his driver's license, and things were looking positive - so he was a lot more positive as well. I'm sure after awhile OH will be extremely excited, and I really hope things work out for the both of you!

 

[magicalbox]

I am a now grown up teen mom (actually I was a teen mom 3 times) I now have 5 great children and trying for another...I like to still stop in teen pregnancy boards because I am still young enough to remember "those days". I learned much from my life as a mother. I learned much about my DH also (we have stuck it through all those years ). DH was never very thrilled but loved anything that was his. It took him to hold a baby to come around and neither of us regret our choices timing or our children. We have regrets in our younger days how we handled the situations. Just give him his time. Having children and a family isn't like a t.v. show or movie. All of that is fantasy. He will come around in his own way and own time, but you make sure whatever decision you chose it is truly right for you. I wish all the best to you and Congrats even though your young. Children in any situation come to be a true blessing and the best days of my life has been lived taking care or and sometimes struggling to take care of my children, but it is a blessing to get to experience and have.

 

[munchy]

Thank you all so much, as you all predicted, he has come round and is now really excited. Thank you all for you advice, I'm thrilled that he is pleased and we're both really excited to be starting a family!