OH not pulling his weight

[lilesMom]

I'm just wondering if I'm over reacting
Or its justified crossness
4 nights last week, he wasn't home until we were in bed.
Worked late twice.
Took colleagues to dinner once ( had to, work thing, doesn't happen very often)
Then last night, went fixing his car outside.
Our ds cant walk, our bedroom is upstairs and my back is dodgy
He usually lifts ds up to bed
Today being sat, he had a sleep in.
Then went right out fixing his car again.
I know he has to do it.
But could he not spend an hour with his son first.
My back and hips are sore anyway
Now they r extra sore since I've been alone with my 20 kg ds all week.
Both days of the weekend he sleeps in.
I get no sleep in ever.
I know ye will prob say talk to him
But i do,
He might get better for a tiny bit
Then back to square one again
I honestly feel like a single parent a lot of the time.
Hats off to genuine single parents
Cos its bloody difficult .
He came in finally at nearly 5 pm.
So I said I'm going for a nap.
I really just need a rest and a break.
Ok that's my rambly rant
Am I being unreasonable cos they r genuine things that keep him away mostly
Or is he being unfair expecting me to be the only parent in the house
While he just flits in and plays every now and then?
Beyond the odd nappy change that is honestly all he does.
I go to bed with ds and stay with him
Cos of his epilepsy every single night.
Oh never takes a turn of this ever either
I know its half my fault for allowing it
But now ds is so used to me,
He wont want his dad to do it.
I'm goosed when next jelly bean comes along.
I'm done feeling sorry for myself.
Just needed to get it out and off my chest!!
Xx

 

[ktod]

I can't really offer much help but my OH is useless too! It's tough doing it all every day. I would say if things are good in general maybe just come up with some kind of agreement on things he has to do. I know it sounds a bit petty but some people need telling. For me, we have more complicated relationship issues, it's not just a case of him not pulling his weight with our son. He just doesn't pull his weight full stop!

 

[Miss_Cellany]

I personally wouldn't put up with that but I'm spoilt with DH as he always asks if it's ok for him to do something that'll mean he's not spending time with us. For example he asked if it was ok for him to put up his new shed in the evenings after our son was in bed! I always check with him too so it's not one sided. We discuss every. Seriously everything. I don't know what I'd do in your shoes!

 

[emicakess]

My OH is definitely the same way abd it's turned into a few blow ups from me once I get to my boiling point. He gets better for a little but and then goes back to he same way. This last time i blew up on him, I've just stayed on him and let him know when the things he does are bothering me. He gets to go to his mancave all the time and be away from us.

I was annoyed one time when he did that because DD was acting like a crazy monster while OH got to be away from the chaos in his mancave. When he came back in I was annoyed, then he was all pissed because he came into me being in a bad mood. I usually would just hold in my frustration but i felt I really had a valid point for being upset! I said "you get to come home from work and spend an hour alone, then you come inside and find me in a bad mood so then you get in a bad mood too? You just got to spend an hour relaxing, the least you could do is come in, be understanding of why i might be flustered and then try to cheer me up instead of closing down"
I pretty much just let that all out and it shut him up, he understood and it was a better night. Anyway my point being i totally feel you girl! Its not that they get to go have alone time every once in awhile, its that they get it all the time, and then expect us to be all chipper and happy with them and everything else. So lately OH has been way better, just gotta bring him back into my reality once in awhile. Remind him what my life is like, and tell him what I need from him.

 

[lilesMom]

Thanks ladies. Xx
Nice to know I'm not the only one.
Even though that should be worse,
It somehow makes it better
Xx
Had a better eve.
OH is,wrecked himself after a long week
So I've gotten back up after ds is gone to sleep.
Cos for once Oh is in bed

I get a quiet house, the internet and my book
Bliss.
All I want is this sometimes.
Not even very often.

Hugs to ye and me for having to do the lions share.
To be fair to Oh he does do all the garden and fixing stuff.
And he will give me a break when I ask.
Just hate having to ask when its automatically given to him
If u know what I mean.
Xxx
Ds has uncontrolled epilepsy , cp and autism.
So is very dependant on me.
He is changing meds qt the mo which makes him extra demanding.
It just gets a little on top of me at times .
Thanks for listening xx
And letting me know its not just me xx

 

[Jessicahide]

I'm just wondering if I'm over reacting
Or its justified crossness
4 nights last week, he wasn't home until we were in bed.
Worked late twice.
Took colleagues to dinner once ( had to, work thing, doesn't happen very often)
Then last night, went fixing his car outside.
Our ds cant walk, our bedroom is upstairs and my back is dodgy
He usually lifts ds up to bed
Today being sat, he had a sleep in.
Then went right out fixing his car again.
I know he has to do it.
But could he not spend an hour with his son first.
My back and hips are sore anyway
Now they r extra sore since I've been alone with my 20 kg ds all week.
Both days of the weekend he sleeps in.
I get no sleep in ever.
I know ye will prob say talk to him
But i do,
He might get better for a tiny bit
Then back to square one again
I honestly feel like a single parent a lot of the time.
Hats off to genuine single parents
Cos its bloody difficult .
He came in finally at nearly 5 pm.
So I said I'm going for a nap.
I really just need a rest and a break.
Ok that's my rambly rant
Am I being unreasonable cos they r genuine things that keep him away mostly
Or is he being unfair expecting me to be the only parent in the house
While he just flits in and plays every now and then?
Beyond the odd nappy change that is honestly all he does.
I go to bed with ds and stay with him
Cos of his epilepsy every single night.
Oh never takes a turn of this ever either
I know its half my fault for allowing it
But now ds is so used to me,
He wont want his dad to do it.
I'm goosed when next jelly bean comes along.
I'm done feeling sorry for myself.
Just needed to get it out and off my chest!!
Xx

Before dh got sick he was a workaholic, i felt like a single mum a lot of the time, but he was also very considerate and would do a full day at work and come home and drive alexander around in the car so i could rest ( only way he would sleep) so i understand how you feel, but at the same time your dh could still be helpful when he is there.

 

[lilesMom]

Thanks hon xxx
He is if I badger him.
But just feel like a pain having to ask all the time.
Thanks

 

[Jessicahide]

Thanks hon xxx
He is if I badger him.
But just feel like a pain having to ask all the time.
Thanks

That's the key, you shouldn't have to ask him, then he thinks you are a nag blaa blaa, he should just be helpful and work as a team with you. Sorry you are not having a good time xxxx

 

[lilesMom]

He actually just voluntarily got up with ds to do his brekkie
And I'm in bed!!
He was a bit grumpy about it
But I'm gonna ignore the grumps and enjoy the empty bed

 

[Ally2015]

I'm just wondering if I'm over reacting
Or its justified crossness
4 nights last week, he wasn't home until we were in bed.
Worked late twice.
Took colleagues to dinner once ( had to, work thing, doesn't happen very often)
Then last night, went fixing his car outside.
Our ds cant walk, our bedroom is upstairs and my back is dodgy
He usually lifts ds up to bed
Today being sat, he had a sleep in.
Then went right out fixing his car again.
I know he has to do it.
But could he not spend an hour with his son first.
My back and hips are sore anyway
Now they r extra sore since I've been alone with my 20 kg ds all week.
Both days of the weekend he sleeps in.
I get no sleep in ever.
I know ye will prob say talk to him
But i do,
He might get better for a tiny bit
Then back to square one again
I honestly feel like a single parent a lot of the time.
Hats off to genuine single parents
Cos its bloody difficult .
He came in finally at nearly 5 pm.
So I said I'm going for a nap.
I really just need a rest and a break.
Ok that's my rambly rant
Am I being unreasonable cos they r genuine things that keep him away mostly
Or is he being unfair expecting me to be the only parent in the house
While he just flits in and plays every now and then?
Beyond the odd nappy change that is honestly all he does.
I go to bed with ds and stay with him
Cos of his epilepsy every single night.
Oh never takes a turn of this ever either
I know its half my fault for allowing it
But now ds is so used to me,
He wont want his dad to do it.
I'm goosed when next jelly bean comes along.
I'm done feeling sorry for myself.
Just needed to get it out and off my chest!!
Xx

Hey hun, im so sorry you feel this way.
I am on same boat as Miss_Cellany, i am spoilt with my DH, he does alot and works hard too. I don't know how i would handle it, it seems unfair on you, you sound like a great mother
do you have some close girlfriends you could plan a night or day out with?
i would also say communication is so key, you don't want to be feeling so stressed already before baby is here. Can you two not agree on some things extra dh can do?
Hope things get better
x

 

[Jessicahide]

He actually just voluntarily got up with ds to do his brekkie
And I'm in bed!!
He was a bit grumpy about it
But I'm gonna ignore the grumps and enjoy the empty bed

 

[lilesMom]

Thanks ally.
Things r better today.
I've had a lovely easy day s far.
I'll just hve to man up a bit too
And just keep saying what I want him to do
He will usually do it so ling as its reasonable stuff
He can hve the rest of today now
So we all hve a break.

Thanks ladies xxx

 

[rose.]

I feel the same, my DH comes home from work and expects to just slob around on his phone/online all evening while I do the dinner, get DS ready for bed etc. I work too, 4 days a week, but he still expects me to do everything. It is pointless even moaning to my DH about it as he just doesn't care and doesn't listen. He's been even worse since I've been pregnant this time, as it was me who really wanted another one and he just went along with it after much persuasion. I get that he's tired from work, but so am I and he just doesn't understand what it's like being pregnant and having to look after another child, the house, the dog and a job too!!

Sorry I don't really have any advice just wanted to make sure you know you're not alone you sound like a brilliant mum x

 

[beanzz]

I am no help but I'm also doing it alone most of the time, I only see OH one evening and the following day each week as he works 60 hours and stays on site where he works. He is not my first born's father though so he has no responsibilities here until baby is born.. I've already said it has to change when baby is here... Fingers crossed we're both not stuck looking after 2 kids basically on our own

 

[Lucasmum]

OH can be lazy as well and drives me mad he works from home, so is here all the time he could easily peg the washing out but nope its left for me same as the washing up hoovering etc I wouldnt mind but I work 40+ hours a week at erratic times yet I come home and he will be on the xbox then say I've worked all day, yeah so have I but this place wont tidy itself

 

[kimmy04]

I don't think you are over reacting. I wouldn't be very happy either if my dh didn't spend much time with the kids. My dh works monday to Friday 8 to 5 so when he is home he usually bathes the kids and gets them ready for bed etc while I do dishes etc. He likes to mess around in the garage with his dirtbike and stuff too but he waits until the kids are asleep to have his own time. I do find some men need to be asked to do things or they don't really think to do it. My hubby will help with chores and stuff on the weekend but I usually have to ask him to do specific things. I'd rather him just do it because I hate to feel like I'm nagging but I really think he needs to be reminded that I need help sometimes lol.

 

[tommyg]

Sorry you are being left to do it all alone. Can you do anything to avoid having to lift DS? Is there any stair lifts you could get?

You aren't in an easy position and I don't think your DH realises the stress pregnancy puts on your body.

 

[lilesMom]

Thanks guys. Xx
He can be really good too
He is just very very inconsistent
Then I come to rely on the help
And it disappears

Our house is a small cottage.
The stairs aren't regular stairs size and hve a turn in them
Was thinking of a stair lift but it actually wouldn't fit in them.
There r two rooms downstairs but u wouldn't even fit a bed in them.
U could put a single bed but then id be sleeping downstairs with ds in single bed
And oh be sleeping alone.
We haven't got that bad yet

Thanks for all replies xxx
Was very grumpy when I typed it
But ok again now.

Beanz my bro is married
My sil had one child , well teenager already
He treats her like his own totally
If he is with u, then id feel ur lo is his responsibility too xx
But I know why u feel maybe not xx
It was Oh was pushing to try
( I was scared after 4 mc and what happened ds)
Was wavering on giving up)
Which is why I would think he should take half work when he is here.
But to be fair, he isn't always crappy
Just in patches

Hugs ladies xxx
Hope things improve for ye xxx

 

[lilesMom]

Lucas mom u work too hard and too long
U shouldn't hve to do it all
Not all men but honestly some of them t conveniently clueless!!
Xxx