oh want us to move country

[davidjoemum]

posted also in home and relationship.
hi im hoping here i can get this out of my chest.

long story short
before oh's parents divorced they all lived in UK his dad is english his mum is american.so after they divorced mum moved back to Usa so is OH"s twin brother(he met his gf while on holiday and moved there for her)me and oh lived in states for almost a year(2008) and i was not happy there i felt lonely (i had massive support from oh's mum we are very close)we came back to england and i felt like kissing ground when plane touched down!

so now mil lives in usa and she is happy there and she said she will never ever come to england to visit us.she said she cant fly anymore(she was flying back and forward from uk to usa for 25 years)and she said she cant leave her dogs(she live with her sister so she could look after dogs for week or two).we have 2 kids and for us to come and see her cost us fortune and its huge inconvinience on the plane we really want our kids to know their grandma.for her would obviously cost less to come and see her grandkids once or twice a year!next year my eldest will be over 2 years old so it will add to flying cost.
my oh really miss them and want to drop everything and move there.he dont care about job opportunity he has in UK(he is an actor and he is getting succesfull now)he said he will sweep the streets there and he want us to live with his mum.his mum's house is discusting there are mice and two huge dogs walking all over furniture she never clean the house and she has recovering brain damaged alcoholic living with her as a lodger(lovely bloke tho)when we going there for summer or christmas im more tired than at home being by myself with kids.i have to wake up earlier to clean mouse poo and clean after dogs so i can bring my kids to livingroom to play.she always saying that i will have rest while there but i never do.once i was not well for 2 days and she's been hanging around with my kids for few hours daily and on second day she said to my oh that "she cant do this every day".she really want us to move there too she even make all plans for us and hook us up with some estate agents to see some houses.
now my oh really want us to move there and at some point i was up for this but after deeper thinking i have change of heart my reasons are:
-finances-i need to go to full time work to pay bills and health insurance also i need to put my little kids to full time day care because my Mil "cant do this every day"
-health care in USA-i think is ridiculous to pay for is from own pocket when you live there(is different when you visit you have to pay in every country when while on holiday u get sick)
-living situation-i want to have my own place for my family to live (in uk we are home owners)
-visa-even if you married to USA citizen it seems impossible to get visa(oh is USA passport holder)Im from poland.

i know that once we get there we wont be able to come back to Uk easy and quick.and we have more opportunity in UK i can go back to work part time if i want to or Oh can be bread winner so i can look after my babies until they at least 3 years old.
i have spoke with my Oh and i told him how i can see that from my point and he agreed with me so we will stay in UK but i know he want to go there no matter what.he thinks that he will be hanging around with his brother all the time and smoke weed(he smokes alot while there as his brother smokes he is not smoking in UK)but i know that wont happend because oh's brother gf dont let him hang around together even if we there for holiday.
we in progress of buying bigger house and everytime we go for viewing he keeps commenting that he dont want to see the house coz he want to go to america.
we had little argument few days ago and i told him that i move out with kids and rent my own place and he said that i can have house and he will go to america.he said that we want different things.he never said that to me but i know he is blaming me for not moving there.
my relationship is suffering because of that.i want to make my oh happy i love him to bits but i cant go there and struggle with my kids i dont feel safe there financially (health care is my biggest concern)we not living large in UK but at least we are looked after when it comes to health care i know we wont make it there as i have health condition and i need to see doctor at least 1 a month.we will end up in debt there.i wont be able give my kids what i can give them here(i know i was there for two months in the summer spend 2500 pounds spend only on baby supplies and i had to take my baby to see doctor twice)

i dont know what to do i know he is blaming me so is his mum what you girls would do or say if you were in that situation?

and i almost forgot OH's mum smokes and grow weed in the basement(legally she's got doctor certificate) but i dont want my kids near that stuff never ever.

sorry for novel thanx for reading

 

[Eternal]

Sounds a massive decision, we keep moving ack and forth Wales and Scotland so i understand, but it's no where near the as problematic and final for us.

I think you both write lists of pros and cons, and discuss both your concerns. It can be a quick one person decision, if you are going to be worse there then it's not a good idea. If oh is still Sure, then work on a comprise, stay here for 5 years etc.

 

[holly2234]

Its never easy when a couple are from different countries and i'm sure this problem arises for most.

I am British and my husband is American and we moved to the US just over 5 weeks ago now.

Health care is a problem when we're used to the NHS. I have no insurance and when i have health concerns i just have to let it go or go to the clinic which is not exactly bank breaking and we don't earn a lot of money.

However, in our situation, it was the best thing to do. We couldn't find work in the UK and the ONLY positive thing we had was the health care and even that let us down on several occasions. You can get insurance through many part time jobs in the US now too. Or you could get it for all of your family through your OH's job (when he gets one)

I have told you before about the visa process. It IS possible so take a look at the last thread you posted where i explained how to do it.

I do agree it doesn't sound like a good idea to live with your MIL. I lived with mine when i got here and we lasted less than two weeks! Her house is spotless too! It's just not easy living with people when you're used to your own house.

Where in the US does your OH want to live? If you are a home owner in the UK, depending on US location, it is likely you can afford to buy again. I do not think it's wise to move without your OH securing a job first though because you need a stable income with a family and for insurance benefits too.

Of course this is all my own personal opinion gained through having the experience. But any questions feel free to ask.

 

[davidjoemum]

Its never easy when a couple are from different countries and i'm sure this problem arises for most.

I am British and my husband is American and we moved to the US just over 5 weeks ago now.

Health care is a problem when we're used to the NHS. I have no insurance and when i have health concerns i just have to let it go or go to the clinic which is not exactly bank breaking and we don't earn a lot of money.

However, in our situation, it was the best thing to do. We couldn't find work in the UK and the ONLY positive thing we had was the health care and even that let us down on several occasions. You can get insurance through many part time jobs in the US now too. Or you could get it for all of your family through your OH's job (when he gets one)

I have told you before about the visa process. It IS possible so take a look at the last thread you posted where i explained how to do it.

I do agree it doesn't sound like a good idea to live with your MIL. I lived with mine when i got here and we lasted less than two weeks! Her house is spotless too! It's just not easy living with people when you're used to your own house.

Where in the US does your OH want to live? If you are a home owner in the UK, depending on US location, it is likely you can afford to buy again. I do not think it's wise to move without your OH securing a job first though because you need a stable income with a family and for insurance benefits too.

Of course this is all my own personal opinion gained through having the experience. But any questions feel free to ask.

Hi I remember your advice about visa it was very helpful thank you!he want to go live in Rhode Island.