Ok am I being unreasonable?

[Willow87]

I really do not want ANY visitors for like the first 2 days of giving birth. My family lives in america so that's not an issue however hubby thinks it's unfair and wants his parents to see baby on the day I leave the hospital. his reason, "well if it was your parents you would have them here. plus we need a lift back home." We don't drive but I have no issue taking a taxi.

I'm going to be bloody and sore, the last thing I want to do is see his family tbh.

Plus I doubt they will actually help with anything. They will just come and see baby for a few hours... Like if they wanted to come over and cook us dinner then that would be great! but that won't happen.

What are you guys doing in terms of visitors?

 

[Mummy&bump]

I just let people come over as and when tbh because I couldn't wait to show my son off but I also get where ur coming from because u will be sore and tired! Why don't uz just make an agreement of only his parents on the first day or until u feel up to visitors? That way u don't have loads of visitors and just ur ohs parents xxx

 

[Piper84]

I really do not want ANY visitors for like the first 2 days of giving birth. My family lives in america so that's not an issue however hubby thinks it's unfair and wants his parents to see baby on the day I leave the hospital. his reason, "well if it was your parents you would have them here. plus we need a lift back home." We don't drive but I have no issue taking a taxi.

I'm going to be bloody and sore, the last thing I want to do is see his family tbh.

Plus I doubt they will actually help with anything. They will just come and see baby for a few hours... Like if they wanted to come over and cook us dinner then that would be great! but that won't happen.

What are you guys doing in terms of visitors?

It's completely reasonable. When LO#1 was born, we said we wanted to be alone except for the MW visiting for the first week. The MW even suggested it, and we both agreed it would be a good idea. You don't need visitors to entertain when you're getting used to a new baby in your life.

With LO#2 it will be different as parents and inlaws are looking after LO#1 and will bring him to visit when this LO is born.

 

[butterflywolf]

I'd say just let his parents drive you home but that's it. Let them know you need time to adjust to the little one and want to spend a little time re cooping and getting settled and bonding.

For us we are not letting anyone know when we are in labor except my parents (but only reason is is because we need someone to watch our boys (dogs) otherwise they wouldn't be knowing either. However, my parents know not to come to the hospital and my parents also know when they drop the boys back off if I were to ask them to leave right away they wouldn't be hurt. (I am fortunate that my parents are very understanding). His parents on the other hand are nut cases. One is a heavy alcoholic whose view points on women is they are all gold diggers and will only use guys. He is only welcomed to come over a week after baby is born and only in the morning. (He doesn't drink in the morning). And then the mom that raised him she has a lot of mental issues. So we want to establish a different day for her (a week after baby is born) for her to meet the baby. And my parents will have their own day roughly a week after baby is born as well (unless I'm up to it). Honestly I can't see too many other people than those that would want to see baby asap. The others will see her around the holidays, facebook, or when I bring her into my old work place. And if they can't understand that then too bad for them. My child my choices (along with DH of course!).

 

[babyface15]

I read somewhere a good way to keep visits short is to take visitors from your bed! people won't stick around nearly as long if your in your pjs lying down with baby.

 

[sue_88]

My mum wants to see baby on day of birth. I'd never deny her grandparents to get those special pictures And cuddles on the first day she's here.

Just my opinion

But then my parents are also amazing and will make sure I'm settled with dinners/drinks etc whatever I wanted.

 

[Dani_Ldn]

As your hubby if he had just had a major penis operation if he would want your parents hanging around the day he came out of hospital? Maybe he might get a bit more perspective on how you feel?

 

[Mummy_to_be87]

My mum was with me when DD was born and she loved seeing the new arrival! So when I got home I said to my OHs mum to come and see the baby and she loved getting a cuddle, she only stayed about 10 minutes or so! I had too many 'other' visitors that I wish now I hadnt let call so soon so I have made it clear that only immediate family can call for a short time and then leave me alone with my family and everyone understands, plus in my opinion after about 2 weeks the visitors disappear anyway, my LO only sees her grandparents from his side every 3 months and that is his mums decision!!

 

[bumski]

My mil wants to wait up at the hospital while I'm in labour then run in the minute she's born! Not happening at all, my mum will have dd1 and I don't want anyone hanging around the hospital popping in to find out what's going on, when she's born I would like the first hour or so just me dh dd1 and baby but I reckon that's all we will get.
I picture myself shutting curtains and locking the front door as I don't think I will get a minute to myself.
I know they are all really excited too so don't mind the day she is born, just as long as visits are kept to an hour or so then we get time on our own. If that's how you want it though then it's your call, your baby after all

 

[AllieM]

I always figure the more the merrier! But, it's a personal decision.

 

[lxb]

"well if it was your parents you would have them here. plus we need a lift back home."

Would you want your parents to see LO when you leave the hospital? if so, I think it's only fair to go both ways. BUT.. I do agree that.. maybe you should only let them give you a lift back home. and that's it. They can stay for few minutes to take picture what not. And let them know that you and baby need to rest.

 

[MumMumMum]

My parents will visit in the hospital of if we are lucky and come home the same day then they will visit when we are home. BUT they are having DD1 so they will be bringing her with them.

As for other visitors - they will be invited when we are settled and DD1 has adjusted. I was VERY ill after DD1 was born and my inlaws were still wanting to visit. They came to the hospital (where visit times are limited) and then went off on holiday.

Not this time. I've learnt that my inlaws can't actually make the time for her now and don't even bother to ask how she is - even when she was in hospital a few months ago. So this time I'm not going to let them just hang around for the baby stage where they do what you want and you can hold them. If you can't make the time for one of my children you won't see either of them. Simple as. I might add - they see their daughter's kid all the time.

Anyway - rant over!

At the end of the day you have carried the baby and been through all the physical and mental demands of being pregnant and giving birth. If you aren't comfortable having them visist so soon, then they don't visit. You need time to recover, bond and get to know your baby. Our MWs actually recomment a week to two weeks before you let visitors come.

 

[Laubull]

Personally I wouldn't deprive my inlaws the chance of seeing baby as soon as we're ready to leave the hospital/home, just have strict rules, i.e. take us home and stay for a cup of tea and then go, make sure you DH is willing to push them out too if they out stay their welcome!!

Just remember its your DH's baby too and he'll be brimming with pride to show him or her off

 

[special_kala]

If there is one time in a womans life when her needs and comfort comes first its straight after she has pushed a human being out of her vagina!

If you would rather they came the next day then thats that imo. After birth you are tired, bleeding and possible trying to establish breastfeeding. If you dont want visitors then your OH should respect that.

Its usually pretty different if its your mum because your generally closer and you wont mind nearly as much if your wincing, bleeding and got your boob out.

 

[zorak]

I'm from the UK and in my family it is the norm for everyone to visit at the hospital, sometimes only 6 hours after the birth. Usually we split the visiting times though so it is both sets of Grandparents first and then the rest of the both sets of siblings at some stage but we all work together to make sure their is not too many people at one time. We are all very good at keeping the visit short but this is helped by the maternity wards having strict visiting hours. This is only done if the new Mum feels ok.

Once the babies are home we wait to be invited but usually it is the same day as the baby is home but again the visit is kept short and the new Mum does NOTHING, other than sit and hold her baby. We are a close knit family and fortunatly all the in laws get on and know each other.

It actually makes me sad that I won't be able to share this experience with my family since we now live in the US.

 

[Willow87]

Thanks guys! I've decided to compromise! More because it's hubby's baby aswell. His parents can pick us up and stay for a cuppa but then they gotta go. If not the I will have to pull the whole, "sorry baby needs a feed! *goes upstairs and never comes back down*" LOL. But no one else for a good few days if not more.

 

[rowleypolie]

Do what will make you the most comfortable. I most definitely would have my mum there for the birth, ride home, and even 3 days after, BUT wouldn't want my MIL there until baby was a few days old.

Apparently, and I am just finding this out, but when Dd1 was born nearly 5 years ago I kicked everyone out of the room when it was time to push. I offended my father (mum didn't arrive for another day from out of town) but I really didn't think he'd want to see my hooha with a baby pushing her way out so even though he says he was offended, I bet the image would be so burned into his brain he would have had nightmares, lol

 

[Willow87]

Zorak, it's awful not being able to share this experience with my family. Especially my mom.

 

[Babushka]

I only want a few close people visiting me in hospital & have told everyone else that I will let them know when I'm ready.

You can't stop his parents visiting though, they are the grandparents & of course they want to be involved. Would it be easier to have them at the hospital on day 2 rather than an immediate home visit? Or, let your husband make the teas/coffees should they visit you at home & ensure it goes for no longer than an hour - be blunt and say 'it was lovely for you to visit but bubs and I better get a rest now'. Anyone with half a brain would make the visit short anyway...

 

[b4baby]

My OH parent arent in the same country so I never had to worry but I would have let them visit me in hospital as its only 1 hours slots. However once I got home I struggled more than I ever thought I would and other than my mom I ignored everyone for about 3 weeks. I seriously struggled with feeding and baby blues settled in.
I would never deny OH parents if I let my own as I think it is completely unfair. You may be bleeding but its not like you are really gushing and its can be covered up. Just tell your OH to give them a time limit!x