omg! so peeved off arrgghhh! *update on how funeral went pg2*

[babytots]

sorry girls rant alert! lol.

its jessicas funeral tomorow and me and df only wanted close family attending (though its just mine as his family live too far away to come). we wanted it intimate with those who knew jessica best.its that intimate i havent invited my best friends just dont think i could deal having them around.

anyways theres a mum on my facebook who i met online when i moved areas and wanted to find other mums in my area to make new friends. havent actually met her though as i soon found out she was twice my age and we have nothing in common. so i just speak to her online. she messaged me asking how i was and then said she tried to get the day off to come and support me tomorow.

now am i being over sensitive or is she just being extremely rude inviting herself without asking me first. its really annoyed me even more so as she has lost a baby around the same gestation as me so would of thought she would of had the decency to ask me first before going to her boss to get time off work and just show up unannounced at jessicas funeral.

thankfully she cant get the time off and i told her that it was going to be family only anyways.

arrggggghhhhh!!!!! its really really annoyed me! x

 

[LeaArr]

I think it was pretty bold of her to invite herself to such a personal event. I think it was nice of her to offer support, but that would be overboard IMO.

 

[babytots]

thanks hun yes it was nice of her and the thought was there but its annoyed me so much she didnt ask me first. all my close friends have asked and not just invited themselfs why cant she of?! anyways not gonna let it get to me. having a nice drink and have calmed down lol.

hope your well hunni. x

 

[bklove]

Maybe she went a smidge overboard in her concern. I think its to gently let her know you don't want or need...needs sounds nicer, for her to come.

 

[UKMummy]

If she didn't know that there were only going to be a handful of people there then she was trying to be kind.

Unfortunately, unless otherwise stated, funerals can be a bit of a free for all. I would make it clear to her that it is close family only, end of discussion.

 

[babytots]

If she didn't know that there were only going to be a handful of people there then she was trying to be kind.

Unfortunately, unless otherwise stated, funerals can be a bit of a free for all. I would make it clear to her that it is close family only, end of discussion.

thanks ladies. to the above i know she was being kind but it was the way she told me oh so matter of factly. i could of understood if it was a close friend who did it the ones that have been there for me and who have known jessica during her short life in my tummy but i hardly know this lady and i know i wouldnt just assume i could come if it were someones elses babys funeral especially of someone i barely know.

i know i would ask first to see if its what she would of wanted or not.

maybe i'm just being overly sensitive x

 

[AP]

I think there are just some people who don't think about things and just decide to invite themselves. I have lost count of funerals i have attended where people turn up unannounced, and uninvited. I'm sure they mean well, but folk are just like that.

I hope jessicas funeral goes well babe. X x x x x x x

 

[CarCam]

Good luck tomorrow Hun, I am sure it is going to be a very difficult day for you and your family.

I agree though, she was trying to be supportive, and probably thought that you may have been grateful for the support. BUT, you don't even know her! So, yeah that's very weird.

Don't let it bother you though, okay? You have MUCH better things to think about...like your darling little daughter. The matter isn't worth your energy. Turn that energy into something positive, and do something nice for yourself.

 

[nervouspains]

Thinking of you today hun xxxx

 

[orange-sox]

i hope it goes well for you and jessica today.

It will bring you some closure i'm sure, it was the hardest thing i've ever done; saying goodbye to my little boy, but it did give me a sense of peace to know i had let him go to a better place.

Take care sweetie, we're all here for you xxx

 

[tricky nicky]

thinking of you today

 

[dan-o]

Thinking of you today babytots xxxx

 

[faun]

Thinking of you today

 

[CarCam]

Thinking about you today dear.

 

[babytots]

thanks ladies. today went as lovely and peaefully as possible. her service was a small intimate one with just me,my partner,my daughters,my mum and my auntie. the rev was lovely as usual we have seen him 3 times since we lost jessica and he has been amazing and did a beautiful service for her. we had r.e.m (everybody hurts) playing as df brought her coffin in and then the rasmus (still standing) (google the words its a lovely song even though its by a emo/rock band) playing when everyone left me and df alone with jessica. i had picked out 3 poems too which the reverend read out for us.

we then said our goodbyes and went to my aunties grave (where jessicas ashes are going to be buried) and placed the flowers there and my eldest hollie let off 5 balloons each one representing each month she was in my tummy. bless hollie though the balloons wouldnt go in the air and she chased after them trying to throw them up in the hope they would fly away but they wouldnt so we left the wind to blow them along the cemetery lol. it was like jessica was saying nope i'm not leaving you i'm right here still. was nice!

then spent the rest of the day at my mums watching the girls have fun in the garden and toasting jessicas short life with a drink.

the day went exactly how i wanted it to and i feel at peace now we have said our proper goodbyes. we go to pick her ashes up next week and so it will be nice to be able to have her back with us til we can get her headstone sorted out x

 

[NickyT75]

I think people deal with grief in different ways hun

maybe when she lost her baby she'd have preferred more people to attend and show that they cared & thats why she was assuming youd feel the same way?

When I lost my daughter it was tearing me up inside that I thought not many people would come to her funeral I was terrified that nobody would acknowledge her existence & was really pleased when more people came to pay their respects to her than id thought

Every case is individual & its hard not to upset people at times like this so she was probably just trying to do what she thought was best by being there to support you

Just wanted to put it to you from a different perspective xx

 

[NickyT75]

Sorry hun

didnt realise you'd already updated on page 2

sounds like the funeral was a lovely tribute to your beautiful little angel xx

 

[babytots]

thanks hun maybe you are right as i know when she had her angel baby she was treated back then differently to how i was when i had jessica i.e they didnt give her the option of seeing her baby after she had her and i dont think her care afterwards was the same. in regards to the funeral i'm not sure whether she had one or not but maybe she thought as she had lack of support with her baby she thought she would try and avoid that with me and be there.

i am ok about it now i guess yesterday i was very emotional and sad and confused about today and couldnt think clearly or rationally. x

 

[NickyT75]

its perfectly understandable tho hun... nobody should have to go through what you've been through today its so unfair isnt it xx

 

[star-dust]