This is way long and took forever to write, but here is my birth story and some photos to go along with. The birth was 100% natural. I didn't even get an IV. It can be done but I only survived it due to a very supportive birth team that was my hubby and doula.
Pipers Birth
Pre Labor:
I woke up and had a lazy Saturday morning. Ben made breakfast burritos while I took the morning to do my normal routine and check facebook. To my surprise I found that an old college friend had had her baby. She was due 5 days after me and I couldnt quite believe her little one was here. I sent her a quick message congratulating her and telling her I was jealous of her because I probably wouldnt be meeting my little girl for a few more weeks. I was fairly convinced that not only would I make my due date but I would also go over. Anyways, thats how my morning began; a nice lazy morning. Ben and I were both in good spirits and discussed plans for maternity pictures which we had decided to do later that day. During this time everything felt normal; just an ordinary day. I had some contractions but for me, this was the regular as I had Braxton hicks since about 22 weeks so nothing new here.
At around 1pm I showered, dressed, and fixed my hair. I spent time doing my makeup and pampering myself for my photos. The indoor photo shoot was set up in our house with a backdrop and lighting I had used several times before for other shoots. We had quite a bit of fun with the photos. It started awkward with Ben not having much experience in the posing world. By the end he had me dancing in front of the camera and acting like a fool which surprisingly made some nice shots. Five outfit changes we were both happy and content with our work and ready to move on to the outdoor shoot.
Getting ready for our next adventure, we had sex. I add this part in here because it was only after this that my contractions intensified to a point where I would call them painful. But this was not unexpected as I had experienced this phenomenon many times before. So naturally we both ignored the contractions and headed out. On the way we stopped at the fire station. Here is where I realized that my contractions were indeed stronger than normal because I was in enough pain for a friend to notice and ask how things were going and I remember saying my uterus is cranky to which she replied, its got a baby in it which seemed to be enough.
After the station, we had to go to Lt. Dans house to borrow his tripod. Ben of course knew where he lived which meant that we took several wrong turns to get there. During this time, my contractions intensified to the point that I was getting very angry at Bens driving and all the bumps in the road which seemed to make everything worse. I told Ben that I was never having sex with him again and we laughed as another contraction set in and I found myself starting to focus a bit more inward. I began to try a few of the breathing and relaxation exercises from my hypnosis training. They made a huge difference and I was able to ride out the rest of our drive by turning off my light switch every time I had a contraction. I should have known then that something was up but I was convinced my uterus was just cranky.
Forty minutes of driving later, we reached our destination: a pretty spot. I wanted photos outdoors-somewhere Alaskan. So we drove around until we found a little river and nice scenery. By this time I just didnt care the much about photos and we even discussed waiting until tomorrow to do them. However, wed made it this far and put off the photos this long already that we went ahead with our plan.
The shoot went well enough. We had some good laughs while Ben fell in a creek and I sunk into snow up to my crotch and was forced to roll around trying to find a position that would allow me and my belly to get back up. The photos were shot with Ben looking through the camera for positioning and then him getting into the photo and remotely triggering the shutter. Again we found ourselves giggling as we posed ourselves. Look into the distance, now look into each others eyes, now kiss. We did this in several shots because I guess thats all we could come up with.
A while later, with cold butts, soaked pants, and happy hearts we went home. My contractions continued but did not seem any different, neither more intense or regular than before. At home I timed a few contractions and found them coming fairly regularly between 2 and 5 minute intervals. I texted my doula to give her a heads up just in case while editing and posting a few maternity photos. She texted back saying that I should take a bath and relax to see if this would cause the contractions to relax as well. I had been so active all day it was likely that they were caused by this.
Into the tub I went and almost immediately the contractions calmed and I felt better. I told Ben that we were in the clear as he jokingly told his buddies (playing Titanfall) that his wife might be in labor. After the bath, however, the contractions came back and this time they did seem to become more regular and more intense. Finally around bedtime, I went to the bathroom to find a bit of light spotting. Oh this is new, I thought to myself. It had been almost 9 months since I last saw anything similar. And then the bleeding got heavier and filled the toilet bright red. All of a sudden it hit me. I was in labor. My baby was coming. Ben. I think this is it.
Labor
A call to the midwife and the doula later, we were quickly trying to get our bags packed. From here on out things seemed to progress rapidly. I could feel the eminent change in the air propelling me forward into the unknown. I would meet my baby soon, a fact that both terrified and excited me in equal measures. However in the moment all I could do was focus on one contraction at a time. There was little room and space for much else.
So we packed our bags as best as we could with little preparation. I had assumed that I would have plenty of time to do this later so almost nothing was together. I remembered to grab a swim suit and some speakers for listening to my hypnosis tracks. I threw in a bag of toiletries and my birth gown. I had been really excited to wear this gown and it seemed the time had finally come for it.
On the way to the hospital I listened to one of my hypnosis tracks which helped me manage the pain and the contractions well enough. It was near midnight by the time we finally arrived. It was sort of surreal feeling that I was now here. This walk into the hospital was the last time the world would see me with my baby on the inside. When I think back to this moment its almost as if walking through those doors was somehow more meaningful than it was- like the very act of walking through those hospital doors was the first step I took as a mom. To be honest, the rest of the night after walking through those doors is such a blur that its no wonder that I tend to focus on that moment.
So once inside, Im checked in at the ER. I hear Ben tell the nurse that Im having contractions 2 mins apart and having some heavy bleeding. In the back of my mind I wonder what the poor strangers over hearing this are thinking and then
Im over it. Im so focused on my contractions and relaxing my way through them at this point that nothing else hardly matters.
We are greeted and taken upstairs to Labor and Delivery. The nurses are nice enough but they keep trying to talk to me and Im annoyed because Im trying my best to block the outside world out and focus on my relaxation techniques. Prodding nurses made this difficult. Once we get into our room- 217, they have me change into a hospital gown. I asked if I should put my own dress on but since we werent for sure I was in labor yet, the nurses advised against it. So I put the gown on and go through the motions. I honestly cant remember too much about what they did but I imagine they took some vitals and checked a variety of other things. Then they checked my cervix. I was nervous because I was afraid theyd tell me I was faking it or having false labor. My cervix checked out at 3cm dilated. That was good but not definitive. They said that they would come back and check on me in a couple hours to see if I had progressed. So now began the waiting game.
Two hours
a blur. What did I do for two hours? I hardly know. I know that as soon as the nurses quit bugging me I settled into my hypnosis tracks again but this time it was more challenging to get relaxed. However, I managed to do so for a bit until all of a sudden one contraction hit me out of nowhere. Suddenly I was up throwing my earphones and phone and hypnosis tracks away saying something like screw this! Im not sure where I was from a cervix standpoint but in my mind I had reached a transition point where thing were suddenly much more intense. No longer could I just lie still and focus on relaxing; I was now at a point where new tactics needed to be tried.
Kassandra, the doula, suggested that I try using the ball or maybe I asked for it. I also changed into my birth gown because there was little doubt any anyones mind at this point that it was the real thing. I labored there beside the bed on the ball with my head in my hands and the world tuned out as best as I could. The pain was intense especially in my hips and back- back labor, they call it. Due to the baby pushing against the nerves/spine it can make for an extremely painful labor. With the contractions escalating in severity, I asked Ben and Kassandra to help out by doing counter pressure. Pushing on my hips in a way that helped relieve the back pressure took the edge off the pain. And so begun our routine. As each contraction came, either Ben or Kassandra was right there helping me through it.
The nurses were in and out the whole night. I was only aware of them if they were addressing me directly. One of them came in and while completely supportive of my natural birth preferences, suggested a pain management technique that involved having water injected into my skin. Somehow this helps take the edge off. Im still not sure why I didnt get this done right then and there because I was pretty sure I said that I wanted it. Somehow it was decided to go ahead and wait a bit to see how I was progressing first.
Two hours from my original cervical check, it was time for the second to determine if I was indeed in labor although no one really thought otherwise. They wanted me to lie down. I thought they were crazy. Lying down was the opposite of what my body was screaming at me to do. They told me they would do it as quick as possible in between contractions and so we waited until the very end of one and then as quickly as possible, I lied down, and they did the exam. I was afraid they would tell me I had not progressed much but the result was just the opposite. In the short time since I had arrived at the hospital I had gone from 3cm to 7cm. As if I needed any more confirmation- baby girl was on her way.
Seeing that I had established a good pattern and my labor was on a roll, I could now get in the tub. The hospital had one giant tub for all the laboring women to share. Lucky for me, hardly anyone ever chooses to use it (a silly thing if you ask me) so it was empty and ready for my use. So I moved to the tub room which would be mine as long as I wanted it. I could get in and out of the tub and many times as I wanted and the room would be mine until I gave it up.
The water was warm and soothing and I could move freely. Ben and Kassandra continued to take turns doing counter pressure. By this time the contractions had reached the point where that pressure was the only thing that got me through each contraction and each time I felt one coming on, I frantically called for one of them to help me. I was exhausted, sleep deprived and miserable. I had never felt anything quite like this. Why did I decide to do this without drugs? I remember asking or maybe just thinking. I was so tired that in between contractions Id dose off. A couple of times I nearly fell face first into the water only to be awoken by a sudden onslaught of pelvic pain and pressure. I wanted to cry and scream and be done.
Time lost all meaning but at the same time meant everything. I glanced at the clock occasionally but the numbers didnt mean much to me. Time had passed but I was unsure of how much. Each time I looked at the clock I realized that I had no idea how much longer this was going to last. I felt like giving up. I wanted to quit. But I didnt. Quitting has never been in me.
Ben offered me ice cubes. I think this was the one thing I remember because it was the one time I remember smiling once I reached transition. Ice cube? hed ask. Id nod yes. Ice cube? hed ask again as he shoved another spoonful in my mouth even as I shook my head no. He seemed to be amused with his ice cube duties and his lack of concern for what I wanted gave us a momentary respite. We both giggled as more ice cubes were shoveled into my mouth.
Sometime later, I was sick of the bath and decided to get out and move to the bed and ball again. I began to count through each contraction. The numbers meant nothing but they gave me something to do and to focus on each time I felt the pain intensifying. Here at that bed, on the ball I began to have my first pushy feelings. They were not intense at this point but I could feel the baby wanting to move lower and my body instinctually responded. My midwife came in and checked on me. I thought she would do another cervical check but she was pretty laid back and told me if I felt like pushing, go ahead. If there was any pain or discomfort I was instructed to stop but as long as it felt good and right that I could listen to my body.
Ben, Kassandra, and I were sort of like a team. I never felt alone. I couldnt have done it alone. The pain was so great that only that continuous counter pressure made it possible to get through contraction after contraction. Us three got into a rhythm of sorts. I would sit on the ball acting and being miserable, head in hands and one of them was constantly at my back ready at a moments notice to give me the relief I needed.
After I sat in the tub room for a while, it became clear that I was done with the tub thing and my little team moved back into the original room that was being prepared for birth. A table of medical instruments was wheeled in. I glanced at it but never gave it a second thought. I moved from the ball to the bed which was transformed into something with two levels. One level I could kneel or squat on and the other level I could rest my torso on. For a short time I was on my knees but when things were getting closer I moved into a squatting position, bracing my hands on the upper level while squatting on the lower level.
I began to feel more and more pushy as I squatted there in the worlds worst labor position. I was leaning back with all my weight on my hands. The squat bar was in front of me but I felt frozen in that position. Moving was just out of the question. Finally the midwife did her last and final cervical check. Ten centimeters. I had made it.
The last 30 minutes of labor are some of the most incredible and horrible moments of my life. Ben played my pushing baby out hypnosis track for the whole room to hear. (Later I found out he had everyone giggling as he made fun of it) It helped a bit and gave me something to focus on. As I began to push Piper out, I felt like my body was breaking. I literally felt that each push was tearing me apart. I screamed. I cursed. I asked if I was almost there only to be told that they couldnt even see the head yet. I wanted to cry but no tears came. I couldnt do this. It was impossible. And yet, each contraction brought her a little further into my pelvis and a little closer to being born.
Finally the moment of truth and the ring of fire. It burned. Babys head was stretching my body. Dont fight against her head said some nurse. It was good advice but difficult to follow. It felt unnatural. Surely she was nearly out because there is no possible way I could stretch any further. I see hair! said someone- I think my midwife. I was close but the head was only just now visible which meant I still had a ways to go. What felt like hours later but was likely only minutes, I pushed harder and with more determination than before. I was exhausted and just wanted her out. I stopped caring how much it hurt or what it tore because anything was better than having her stuck right there in my pelvis. I pushed and could feel the final bit of her head come through and then I pushed some more because dammit I didnt want to do this any longer and all of a sudden she was here.
Piper fell on the bed in her glorious and somewhat explosive birth. No one had expected her head and body to come out in one push. But almost as soon as she was out, she was being lifted to my chest where I grasped her firmly and sobbed in relief. It was done. My baby was here. And then she let out her first cry and I was realized that I was a mom.
I lay on the bed now while I was stitched up (only a few superficial tears), shaking from the exertion. I could finally relax. It still amazes me how immediate the relief came. The intense back labor was over. The contractions were all but gone and my baby
my baby was in my arms. I lay there, staring at her tiny body parts. How did this happen? It felt so incredibly surreal to have her in my arms and know that this little person had been growing in my belly for the last 9 months. I loved her immediately and when I looked at Ben, I could tell he did too. There was something else there as well. I could tell he was proud of us, our little family. We had done well.
"Ice Cube?" https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2322_zps9c6d51fb.jpg
"Counter pressure"
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2331_zps06bfb28b.jpg
"Tired"
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2341_zps30f411fd.jpg
"Almost there"
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2346_zps334152ad.jpg
"Pushing"
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2349_zpsc8d67490.jpg
"She's here"
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2354_zps769c9d40.jpg
love the photos too . Thank you so much for sharing it with us . Hope all is well with you xx
Hope you're enjoying getting to know little Piper more and more.
I don't know what that's like to wish you had gotten to push, but really, it's not all that great. It wasn't too painful for me because of my epidural, but it was still really uncomfortable and I had awful tearing/bleeding afterwards. I wouldn't waste too much time wanting it! 
But yes, maybe next time!
We tried wiping it away but every wipe of his blanket spread the blood around his face. I felt sure he had split his lip so made DH take him to the hospital while I waited for my appointment. So stressful! The hospital was around the corner so I walked over after my appointment and they were JUST being registered (an hour after they left the OB's office) and then some guy in the waiting area sitting beside us starting harfing his guts out. So gross! But by this time the bleeding had slowed and eventually stopped and we could see the lip wasn't split. He had simply bitten it so after making sure it had really stopped we told the nurses we were leaving. The wait time was nearly 6 hours and DS was already getting edgy and ready to tear the place apart....he couldn't have been all that hurt. I'm glad we did. The blood has totally gone and now he keeps sucking on the little flap of torn skin and he's his usual happy self.
ah i feel in love like if we were teenagers 
