One and Done?

[TTCfirstovr30]

Currently pregnant with my first and I just don't know if we would have another. But then I think about how lonely it could be for the LO to not have any siblings. My DH and I come from big families but I honestly don't know if I would have another?

Any mama's out there with just one, how is the LO. Do you feel guilty? Does the LO even know the difference?

 

[Megandelv88]

In the same boat. But I grew up with 5 siblings and my husband grew up an only child. He makes me feel less guilty. He makes me feel like it will be fine for the little one.

 

[staralfur]

I'm an only child and my daughter is an only child as well. I did feel bad about it at first as I always wanted siblings growing up (and still sometimes wish I had some as an adult, honestly), but there are lots of positives when it comes to being an only child, too. She did practically beg us to give her a brother or sister for months but it seems to have passed now. For us I knew having a second child just for the sake of giving my daughter a sibling wasn't a good enough reason, there are no guarantees that they'll be close in the future and certainly I think having a baby around would have been harder on my LO than she realized, at her age she could only really envision the fun stuff.

It's well within your power to make sure that your LO doesn't get lonely. When I was growing up both of my parents worked crazy hours and I did get lonely, so I'm extra aware of my need to make sure I'm spending lots of time with my LO when she's bored and not focusing on something else for too long if I can help it. I also make sure we go to parks all the time so she can play with other kids, she's enrolled in lots of classes and activities as well. It's maybe a bit more work and organizing on your part but very doable.

 

[xxxemmaxxx]

Whatever works for your family. We would like 4 ideally and to some thats probably crazy!

The only thing I always wonder about single child families is how much would the child rely on you for entertainment. My two play so nicely and occupy each other when i need to do chores etc.. but thats not meant to be a negative at all more a guess!

 

[MrsButterfly]

I'm an only child and for a long time we thought we were one and done. But I'm now 38 weeks pregnant with number 2 (and a little terrified!). Few things tipped the balance for us....

As a child I was fine and being an only child was all I knew. However I really do miss having a sibling now - my relationship with my parents is difficult and I'd like a sibling to share some of that with.

My boy is excellent at playing by himself and has a very vivid imagination. However he does struggle in big groups and is quite shy and we think a sibling may help with that.

And a niggling feeling that the family wasn't quite finished.

Acknowledge the above that there is no guarantee that siblings will get along but for us in the end, the potential benefits for our son of having a sibling felt strong and we'd probably left it long enough to forget the terror of the newborn stage!! And also now realise that in reality it's a short stage... (I think I'm trying to convince myself of that right now!).

 

[xdxxtx]

I'd rather regret NOT having a(nother) child than regret having a(nother) child

I wasn't an only child, but I wasn't happy. I have a big family of my own because that is what I always wanted. If there were any doubts, I wouldn't intentionally have another.

 

[TTCfirstovr30]

Thank you ladies for all your insight and replies. My DH and I both come from large families, we are both one of five so we both know what it is like to have siblings.

I guess we will see how the first goes and play it by ear!

 

[Isme]

I am an only child. I wasn't raised in a traditional household, so it was often just me and my mom. We spent most of my childhood very far away from extended family, as well. There are benefits to being an only... I'm very comfortable in my own company, which I didn't realize was an unusual trait until spending more time with my adult peers. I guess it's also nice to know that I was the most important person in my mom's life. No competition or questioning my place. LOL. I did wish for siblings when I was growing up, though. Being and only can be lonely... And it seemed like every one else had at least one sibling. It was just one more way that my family was weird or different in my eyes.

I eventually became a mom myself and didn't know what I wanted to do about having more kids. I honestly loved my daughter SO much, that I wasn't sure if it would be fair to bring another child into the picture-- because surely I couldn't possibly love them as much as I loved her. (I know that sounds crazy, but that was a legitimate concern of mine ) However, things became very clear when my daughter was 2 years old... And my mom was killed in a car accident. I was 20 years old and my whole world just imploded. If I didn't have my daughter, I know I wouldn't have survived the grieving process. It was devastating. And because of that, I knew that no matter what, I didn't want my daughter to ever have to face that type of loss alone. Close or not, siblings are keepers of your childhood memories. Shared experiences are so important to us humans. Because my mom and I had lived so much of my life with just the two of us, losing her wasn't just about losing my mom... But the only link to my entire history at that point. It's a terrible feeling.

So yeah, now I have three kids. I'd have even more if we had the space for them. I love that they will have each other long after I'm gone. They may not always get along, but that bond is so special. I'm grateful for it. It really is such a personal decision, though. Obviously my own choices were heavily clouded by my experiences, which are not the same as everyone else's situations.

 

[pamg]

I am the same. I have a nearly 6 year old daughter & apart from feeling broody for a few months last year I feel done! I feel so happy & blessed to have such a lovely daughter,she plays happy by herself & with others. I do feel bad at times she is an only child but I had an awful labour with her & was put off for years to have another then my husband got made redundant at work & only the end of last year our finances were stable enough again really & I did briefly really want another but I feel the age gap is getting to big & I don't know if I want to go through the sleepless nights & baby years again after so long!
I also feel money wise it will be easier just having her. I live I the UK & my brother lives in Miami & we recently visited him for the first time & I'd love to be able to go at least every two years but I think having another we wouldn't have the money to do that too.