one day at a time they say

[Patito726]

I know I am not the first or the last to suffer through this tragedy, and I wish that no one ever had to suffer the loss of their child ... but how do you move on? This was my first pregnancy, and lost him at exactly 16 weeks, I was so happy so in love with my baby ... I cant believe i lost him. I had him cremated and have his little remains with me, some people say he's an angel, some people say you'll try again, some say at least you know you can, and oh your young! I know all those people mean well but it really brings me no cosolation sometimes. I cry, I go over my week, wonder if there was anythign i should have done, or did. I replay those moments in my mind and it brings me such torment, but i cant stop them. I wonder if any moms out there can give me some advice, i try not to cry in front of people because they just worry, sometimes thinking of trying again makes me happy and at the same time brings me fear and doubt that i couldnt go through it again.

 

[vsheff2984]

Patito... I completely understand some of what you are feeling. I am currently grieving my 2nd second trimester loss. We lost Addison, a baby girl on 4/23/11 at 18.5 weeks and twins at 20 weeks, on day on the 3rd of this month. Bethany and Keith. I wish I was as strong as you. I cry in front of people all the time. I don't really care what they think. I used to hate it when people said this to me, but it really is just one day at a time. I too stuggle after this loss with whether we will try again or not. Time does make it less painful, but honestly the pain never completely goes away. I know with my first loss I cried everyday for months. Just know that what you are feeling is normal and allow yourself to be sad. Prayers for you!

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so very sorry for your loss
It is torment , it never goes away, but I do promise it does ease. Everything you are feeling is totally normal so don't think it's not. I lost my Ava at 20 weeks, I gave birth to her in my bathroom , went to the hospital, we held her . I was released after 3 hours, we buried Ava on 3-11-2011. A part of me died when she died and i will never be the same, ever. I am finally starting counseling this week, I need someone to talk to. Not one person not one in my family understands, they just think i should have moved on by now, you never move on, never. Now there is more hurt for me. My Sister-In-law is 28 weeks pregnant, most likely with a girl ( They aren't saying what it is) I confronted my Mother-In-Law and told her i would be very upset if my Sister-In-Law ( her daughter) uses the name Sofia, that is Ava's middle name, the name on her stone and tattooed on my inner wrist. She looked at me and said " my daughter liked that name first" without any feeling, any compassion she said this to me, she knows the hell i went through. I just cried and left. This was 3 weeks ago and not even a phone call to see if i was ok? I am her Daughter-In-Law for 22 years and have done so much for her, for her to treat me like this is disgusting. Her own daughter does nothing for her , but the sad truth is no matter what i am not her blood just an in-law, it hurts a lot . I told my husband straight out if his sister uses that name I am done and I want nothing to do with his family. They have No respect for me, my daughter's memory, or what i have been through. Nobody could even fathom this pain unless they have been through it. I am just all alone in this. Have you thought about counseling? Every person i have talked to says it has helped them tremendously . I pray things ease for you and the days ahead are gentle. If you ever need to talk i am always here. XOOXX Andrea XOOX

 

[Patito726]

I found this the other day, and hope it helps you as it helps me at times.

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
...But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
~Author Unknown