One year TTC and feeling down

[ciarhwyfar]

Hey all,

On Christmas eve last year I had a visit from AF before we seriously started TTC. I was hoping to have only about two years between my last two babies. We caught right away but lost it in mid-February. I wasn't surprised as it had never quite felt right but I was kind of disappointed as well. It had been exactly when I wanted to conceive, you know?

Ten more months later and I was actually started to mentally feel like we had finally made it and I was pregnant. The current visit from AF has changed all that. I'm feeling very sad and a bit sensitive today.

I still feel like there is one more, a baby boy, calling to me. I had visions so strong of having a baby boy four years ago that I thought the last one was going to be it but she was our darling toddler.

I have no idea what else I can reasonably do to make it happen. I take vitamins, get regular exercise, have sex a minimum of three times a week. I don't have regular cycles and have not the time, interest, or money to invest in ovulation stuff. Besides, I get grouchy if I don't get enough , .

We have kind of given ourselves a cut off for TTC due to age, I'm 42 and he is 35. If there isn't a bfp by April, we need to accept that it isn't meant to be, cherish our little girl, and go on with our lives.

Don't really know what else to say right now. Thanks for reading.

 

[40s Gal]

Sorry you feel down. It doesn't help especially around the holidays. You are supposed to be all joyful and all. I'm coming to a similar point in my life as you, my husband is having mixed emotions, I think he's feeling a bit old, he's 46. I'm 43 and feel it would be a great thing but I feel life is what it is, I'm not going to go to extremes if it's not going to happen naturally.

Looks like you have good priorities and healthy perspective. There are always good times ahead I think, even if they aren't exactly as you wished them to be.

I figure if I'm not to have a child of my own, another opportunity of good fortune will cross my path and I keep positive.

 

[seoj]

Ah sweetie- don't give up hope. If you feel, in your heart, you are meant to have another child... then do whatever you need to do!!! I understand the frustration that comes along with TTC for a long time...

It's truly hard to keep that fresh, fun, excited outlook when each month passes and you haven't gotten your BFP yet... BUT I do believe things have a way of working out in the end. Maybe not exactly how you thought they would... but life just doesn't always work out the way we thought, and sometimes, that's a good thing

If your serious about the cut-off date, have you gone and talked to a fertility specialist yet? It can't hurt to get all the info you can and understand why it may be taking longer this time... just some thoughts

Best of luck and lots of good ju ju hun!!!!

 

[BBgirl]

hi Ciarhywfar. Wow that's a hard name to pronounce! I'm not sure I'm in the best position to advise since I'm having the same degree of difficulty you are having and am also about to turn 42. The only thing I did think of was do you put your hips on a pillow and legs up afterwards? It sounds strange I know but I honestly think that's why I conceived so quickly at 39 and 40. I have noticed that when I put my legs up, either against a wall or OH's chest, vertically for 20-20 mins after doing the deed that I don't get any wet patch afterwards, i.e. literally no semen escapes at all, ziltch, sorry if tmi! However when I just make love with my hips on 2 pillows and don't put my legs up straight away afterwards I notice it definitely escapes. Lots of women have posted threads that they got pregnant when they put the pillow under, put their legs up or stayed in bed without going to the loo etc. Apparently the ancient yogis recommend that position (it's called the shoulderstand, modified yoga pose) to women who are wishing to become pregnant. I know our egg quality is not what it used to be, etc. etc. but if I'm to believe my fertility consultant, 60% of our eggs at 42 are abnormal and 40% are totally normal. So, by definition, if we make sure we get our timing right, bd every 2 days for the fertile week, make sure we get the spermies there before we ovulate and put our legs up, then surely we have a decent chance? I mean if it would take say 2-4 months in our 30s I would imagine it would take 6-12 months in our early 40s? It's just a numbers game after all. Three times a week could mean you miss the crucial day, so maybe bd'ing every 2 days instead for that important week should help ensure timing is perfect. I'm not really in a position to advise except I know that we bd'd CD10,12,14 and CD9,12,14 for the 2 cycles in which I did become pregnant (age 39 and age 40). An awful lot of women do swear by Preseed or Conceive Plus, sperm-friendly lubricants. I guess it depends on how much mucus you make. I know I'm very dry and have been for years, but even worse this year, I put it down to age or stress. So the only thing I'm doing differently from now on is using a little Preseed prior to bd, mainly for comfort, and also to know I'm doing everything I can. It can be bought on Amazon, it lasts for ages as you only need about 1.5ml each time. We do use opks but to be honest it's become so stressful for us both this month we're taking a break. The thought of getting a smiley face on Christmas eve, all that emotion, I can't take it, since we had our 2 miscarriages Christmas 2008 and Christmas 2009. So we're just planning to bd every 2 days from CD6 this month instead. I'm not really looking forward to Christmas this year, but I do have a lot to be grateful for, a wonderful man, 2 gorgeous cats who love me, a warm home in the Scottish big freeze. The only thing I can say is that although it may take a little longer at our age I know there's still a good chance for us, since 12% of babies in the UK are now born to women over 40, which is an all time record this year. I cry every day about it, I just can't believe it's happening to me when I'm so healthy and fit in every other way. I have only ever really wanted one thing in life, to be a mummy. Now it's down to prayer and trying to keep hope in my heart. But one thing is for sure, it's too soon to give up hope, certainly not this side of 45!

 

[ciarhwyfar]

Thank you all for your responses.

We are only planning on natural so a fertility specialist is out. Besides, I have had a hard time getting a good doctor at all. I finally found one and am having an impossible time getting him change to my primary care. Some of the unnecessary difficulties I went through to just to be sure they only thing I was having was constipation was ridiculous. They wonder why people want a better health care system here in the US.

Anyway, maybe I will try a room cleansing with all of the cleanup I am doing around here right now for the holidays and stuff. That should at least help mentally and that may be all it takes.

I haven't completely given up just yet, I still have some time here. Trying hard to just see what happens and being okay with the results, what ever they may be.

Thanks again.

 

[Ffydd]

I'm only a very occasional visitor and very very infrequent poster but I really wanted to say something here. I hope you don't mind. Don't give up. I am a child of parents who were both 44, nearly 45 when I was born. They were childless for eighteen years and conceived completely naturally though unexpectedly after having given up hope. They were the best of the best as parents and gave me a fantastic loving childhood. They never felt too old. They had absolute joy that enabled them to give me time and care and interaction that many of my friends simply didn't experience. No child could have been better loved and I will be eternally grateful.

 

[bbhopes]

keep the faith that it will happen again. Hoping for you!!