Opinions please... Undecided.

[liljenz1991]

Hi ladies

I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with my first baby and myself and my partner have recently been discussing how we will approach feeding.

I myself originally wanted to try breastfeeding, but after all the pain I have been in so far in pregnancy I am fast being turned off it. Neither myself or any of my family were breast fed.

I am one of those people who i know that if I try and can't do it for any reason, I will seriously beat myself up for it and feel like a failure!

My other half says I should try it and keeps try to get me to attend classes n such, he says it doesn't matter if I do or not but then, wouldn't drop going on about trying it!

I really need some advice ladies I really don't know what to do! There are so many pros and cons!!!!

What are you thoughts?

Sorry if posted in the wrong place then sorry, don't know where it should go.

Thanks ladies.

 

[staralfur]

I think it's most definitely worth a try, the benefits are plentiful for both you and baby. You won't know how easy or hard it will be until you try, and if you decide that it's not something you want to do, you can switch to formula. It's much, much harder to start out with formula and then decide you want to breastfeed.

 

[liljenz1991]

Thanks for reply.

Yes I understand that, but I feel so horrible (please don't judge) but I don't really even want to try, I know I probably should. But I made my mind up a while ago and I feel if I do try/do it I will only be doing it appease others and that makes me feel kind of sad.

But then I don't want people to say I'm a bad mum for not bf x

 

[staralfur]

I don't think anyone is a bad mom for not wanting to breastfeed.

I suppose I don't understand why you don't want to give it a shot? Breastfeeding in the long run is waaaay easier and way cheaper. You're not obligated to sign a contract that once you breastfeed once you're required to feed for 2 years. You can give it a couple of feeds and if you really don't like it you have every right in the world to say "I don't like it, I'm moving on."

It is completely your choice but your OH seems to feel strongly that you at least give it a try and I think that's worth considering.

When I was newly pregnant I didn't want to breastfeed, I just was not interested at all. Formula sounded easier. As I got closer to my due date I decided that I would just try it and see how it went. I ended up breastfeeding for 3 years and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I'm not saying everyone will or should feel that way about it, but there's always a chance you might - and it might completely surprise you.

Anyway, I'm a big believer in giving it a fair shot because my opinions on breastfeeding went from "meh" to "this is extremely important to me" after one feed.

Ultimately if you don't want to do it, then you don't have to. Lots of moms formula feed from the beginning and no one really cares how you feed your baby a year down the road. When my LO was little people would ask if I was breastfeeding her but once she was around a year/year and a half no one talked about it and I doubt there will be any point in the future where someone asks me how my 3+ year old was fed as an infant. If you're confident in your decision then don't give a second thought to the people who might judge you, and the judgments will be short-lived.

 

[liljenz1991]

Yeah I do get what ya mean.

Just doing my head in trying to think of what to do, that's best for my baby n myself as selfish as that is, I am fully of the opinion that I can't be a good mum if I'm not happy of comfortable x

 

[redneckhippy]

If you decide, for example that you are only going to feed colostrum, you would be giving your baby important antibodies but wouldn't feel like a failure or like your quitting because after 2-3 days you will have done what you set out to do. Then once you get home from the hospital you can switch to formula. Just a thought. But if you decide to just FF then don't dwell on it, just be confident in your choice and focus on your baby.

 

[Kelskiii]

Firstly, it is entirely your choice.

There are pros & cons to breastfeeding - a lot more pros. It might be worth reading up on it before you make your decision.

We had a hard time at first - sleepy baby & poor latch but we got through it with hard work & determination, using support from groups online & within my area. 17 months on we are still going strong.

Breastfeeding may sometimes be harder in the beginning but who says formula is any easier? My nieces were both bottle fed & it didn't look any easier to me - preparing bottles, they still wake in the night & some feed as often as breastfed babies.

I'd say give it a go, see how you feel the first few days you might love it like so many of us do.

 

[Kelskiii]

Also I found the website Kelly Mom very helpful.

Again it is entirely your choice, majority of my friends breastfed for 1-2weeks & then chose to bottlefeed. Don't ever feel guilty you do what is right for you & your baby.

 

[shinona]

With my first, I was not too bothered about bf-ing. I said I'd give it a go but was totally ok about giving formula if it didn't work out. As soon as I started bf-ing my opinion completely changed and I loved it. I've fed two til they were each a year and am almost 6 months in with #3. It is a beautiful thing to be able to do and it is an incredible feeling to see your baby growing and know that your body is doing that. For me, it's just easier as the milk is on tap and there's no faffing about with bottles or sterilising. I find it gives me much more freedom to go wherever and whenever. I never have to worry about not having enough bottles or formula with me.
It's great that your oh is keen for you to try it too as having supportive people around you is important.
As the others have said, if you try it and it's not for you then fine but if you don't try you might miss out on a really amazing experience.

 

[_Meep_]

Try it. If you don't, you will likely feel all sorts of 'what ifs' and end up beating yourself up. It might go very well, but if it doesn't, even just a small amount of your milk will be so good for your newborn. The colostrum your LO will receive to begin with is incredibly rich in antibodies, which nobody can deny can only be of benefit.

Just a little story - me and my daughter had problems breastfeeding (repeated nursing strikes) until she was six months old, and it was only at nine months that I really felt confident that the strikes were truly over.

We are a success story, and I am proud, glad, grateful, etc. but it was absolute hell while it was happening and it DID make things very unhappy for both of us. With hindsight, I did the right thing by carrying on, as things got better - but I do feel I might have been able to be a better mum for my LO if I hadn't have been so down and fearful of feeding her the whole time, in case she rejected me. And she did, nearly every time.

Whatever you choose will be chosen with love and consideration I am sure, and in that respect you will be being the best mum that you can be.

 

[MrsKChicago]

I think the idea of just giving colostrum or setting a short goal is good. If you know you're only trying it for X weeks, you may not feel like you're quitting if you choose to stop.

I'll be honest, the first six weeks were hard. The first week was hell and I came close to supplementing. He had a tongue tie that we had to get revised before we brought him home, I had to spoon feed him colostrum in the hospital, and we had to use a nipple shield for 5 weeks because he couldn't latch without it, then I had another week of pain while we got his latch good.

But I'm so glad I stuck with it. It's hard enough to care for a clingy baby on my own, I'm so glad I don't have to constantly wash bottles and mix formula with a screaming baby and carefully gauge how much I need to bring with if we go out. If Teddy is upset about something (shots, overtired, etc) I can just pop a boob in his mouth and he calms down. And instead of paying for formula, I get to eat more. And I still have the option of pumping occasionally so DH can feed him and give me a break. I'm nor one of those moms who just loves every second of breastfeeding and savors all the amazing bonding and so on, but it's so worth it once you get past the rough parts.

I'm not anti-formula, and I agree that if it's too stressful, it isn't good for you or the baby, but I think if you don't have any major obstacles, breastfeeding is by far less stressful than formula.

 

[hollowmac]

It is completely your decision. I BF my first son but it was horrible. I got thrush and then blocked ducts and I still have pain in my right breast to this day and that was 10 years ago. I still BF my 2nd son just for a couple of days for the colostrum and then went to formula. I also found that with my 1st son, he cried all the time unless he was latched and I notice that also with all of my friends who BF their kids. But u need to make a decision for u and not worry about what other people say. Good luck with your decision.

 

[londonangel]

It is completely your decision but I really think it is worth a try, even just for a couple of days to give baby the benefits of the colostrum. I am still exclusively breastfeeding my youngest but I am not a mummy who loves breastfeeding, I am only doing it because the breast milk is so good for her and to be honest I have just got used to doing it now. If you try it and hate it you can always stop.

 

[Rainstorm]

All I can tell you is: I stuggled a lot during lo's first days in the NICU cos I really wanted to breasfeed, i was the opposite of your situation. Everyone was telling me to just give up and move on. Eventually things started working well, and I can list the many benefits of it. It's cheap, easy, it helps you bond, helps you lose weight. I love it!!
Of course there are cons. Baby may be too mother-dependent, you cannot delegate baby feeding to someone else, you need to watch your diet, esp at first, cos everything you eat affects the baby.
As for myself, I am planning to breasfeed again this time, though I won't let it go on as long as with lo. He EBFed till 6 months and went on BFding to sleep till he was 13 months old

 

[Rainstorm]

Of course, I forgot to mention the main benefit: My 18 month old has NEVER been sick. Just the ocassional cold... I am convinced it is because of breast milk

 

[newlywedtzh]

Of course there are cons. Baby may be too mother-dependent, you cannot delegate baby feeding to someone else, you need to watch your diet, esp at first, cos everything you eat affects the baby.

These aren't necessarily true rainstorm- don't mean to call you out just don't want to give the mama false information Most baby's handle mother's diets well.. mostly just myths. Cows Milk is the only real ingredient that some babies are sensitive too. And as far as mother-dependent.. bfing forms a great bond between mother and baby, but I wouldn't call this a con.

When you say "cons" to bfing, I guess I'm not sure what you're referring to? There are more "risks" associated with formula... such as, access gas in the baby's system, more prone to colic, more prone to illness, etc.

I absolutely love love love bfing. It is an amazing bond between mother & baby,and it makes my life easy!! You only need to take one thing with you wherever you go- yourself. The benefits are astounding. The hormones released during bfing will help with bonding, as well as healing post partum. It is a truly beautiful experience. I am going to cry my eyes out when my days of nursing are over I cherish the moments that much. Please give it a try... it may come more natural to you than you think

 

[MrsKChicago]

I get what she means about being too dependent on mom. I love our bond, but I really wish he was as happy hanging out with his dad for a couple hours now and then. I do enjoy eating meals with both hands. But if he was bottlefed, it would take two hands to feed him instead of one, which would be even worse.

Lots of babies have no diet issues, though of course you can't go out and get drunk and smoke cigars every weekend without a backup plan. Lots of breastfed babies will take bottles, too, so it is possible to hand them off to be fed by someone else. We give Teddy a bottle every other day or so to keep him used to them, though he still prefers it from the tap.

 

[staralfur]

I have friends who use(d) formula whose babies/toddlers are very mom-dependent. To be honest I think that's a normal baby thing and not a breastfed baby thing.

 

[MrsKChicago]

I suspect you're right. I think some babies are just clingier than others.

 

[liljenz1991]

Thank you so much for all your views everyone.

I have also had a chat with my doctor too, as I was on medication for various things that I have had to stop since being pregnant and I have struggled. He has obviously indicated that it is my choice but is keen for me to get back on my meds.

I think honestly I may try a couple of feeds, at least for some colostrum but I can't see it being for me. I won't lie, I really do not find the thought appealing, and I wouldn't want to do it and then feel as though I am only doing it cause I feel I have to, and resent it cause that won't be a nice bond. Obviously I may try it, love it and then stick with it.

I suppose I'm gonna have to see how I feel about it at the time. Can't tell what the future will bring lol.

Thanks