Opinions wanted.

[Queridinha]

First time poster, but I can't really talk to friends and family about this, so here it goes... Apologies it it's a little disjointed. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this myself.

BF and I have been together for a few months. We're in our early 30s, both been in serious relationships before. This is pretty new, but amazing and intense. We've met each other's friends and family, all good. I don't believe in "The One", but I've never felt this way about anyone... (And I was married before...)

Anyway, we've talked several times about future plans and how we both want children, but it hasn't happened yet, and how you're never really ready. I'm not on BC, but I track my cycle closely and have never been pregnant. I generally used condoms in my former LTRs.

After one of our conversations about having a family, we just kind of stopped using condoms about 6 weeks ago. We didn't exactly discuss it, we just stopped using them. He was pulling out, but I let him finish inside me a few times during my period over the holidays.

Then, afterwards, I showed him the app that I use to track my cycle, telling him that I was ovulating on Jan 1, so I would be fertile from about Dec 28 to Jan 4.

Today is Jan 3, and we've dtd 27 times since Dec 28. (I'm not making this up. We can't keep our hands off of each other.)

He mostly pulls out, but we've had a couple of close calls. Also, he often finishes *almost* inside me... And we often have sex twice in a row without really stopping, which I imagine is super risky.

I guess my questions would be, in your opinion:
Is he trying to get me pregnant?
Am I trying to get pregnant but deluding myself?
What are the chances we're going to conceive? (Hard to say, I know)

Has anyone had a similar experience?

I'm a university educated, professional woman, but I'm at a point where I need to make some decisions about what I want my life to look like, and I'm realizing that my 60+ hr/wk job isn't going to fulfil me overall. I feel ridiculously compelled to breed with this beautiful man who adores me, but I'm kind of terrified at the idea of my life changing so much.

Another question:
Anybody choose babies over career? Your experience?

Wow, ok. It feels good to get this out.

 

[HerdingDogs]

And we often have sex twice in a row without really stopping, which I imagine is super risky.

Haha, yes! Something I learned last year was that the "pre-cum" does not always have sperm in it like I previously thought. Rather, it pushes out trapped sperm hanging out inside your man. So unless he has flushed it out with urine or it was many days between DTD (...although why he wouldn't have peed during these many days hahaha), then his lubrication fluids would definitely have sperms in it. And it only takes one.

I guess my questions would be, in your opinion:
Is he trying to get me pregnant?
Am I trying to get pregnant but deluding myself?
What are the chances we're going to conceive? (Hard to say, I know)

My opinion (and this is JUST my opinion, I really don't know anything)
1) Sounds like you need to ask him that. I dated a guy who DID NOT WANT A KID and we broke up because after a month of strictly using condoms or finishing elsewhere with other precautions taken, he started finishing inside of me. When I confronted him about it because one time he said, "I thought you wanted to be a mother" and he said if I got pregnant he didn't want a baby I was out. So he could be, but he could also just be losing control. You also have to ask yourself, do YOU want him to try to be getting you pregnant. Either way, methinks you two need to have a conversation.

2) Honestly, I think people who want to be moms one day get a little twinge of excitement when the possibility arises. I think you fantasize about it, but you feel like it's not socially acceptable to just outright say you want to get pregnant with this guy. Or maybe you are concerned because you married someone and it didn't work out. It's not for me to say. I don't know you.

3) If you DTD 27 times during your potential fertile window, I'd say I hope you're taking vitamins and making good choices. Better safe than sorry. But there are also people out there who do everything right and it takes time. So. You're right. Hard to say.

I'm realizing that my 60+ hr/wk job isn't going to fulfil me overall.

That is a crazy amount to be working each week. And if you are pregnant, can you afford to not work those 60 hours? Or even just to cut back?

Another question:
Anybody choose babies over career? Your experience?
.

Not me. I want a baby more than anything in this world. In fact, the only thing that every made me cry as a teacher was when a parent came in and attacked me as a teacher because I do not have kids. My recurring nightmare as a child was that I was infertile. So I chose a happy medium to satiate my baby thirst: I adopted a ton of pets and became a teacher. Now that I am locked into an amazing teaching position, finished my degree, and saved up on my own (and my other half is the same boat) now I can start thinking about letting myself have a baby. But that is me. I live in a very expensive area where two incomes is a necessity if you want that house in suburbia. So having a child when my career wasn't solid would not have been acceptable for me and for my family. And I want my child to have grandparents who don't sit in the corner of the delivery room silent because they are so obviously ashamed but too polite to say anything in front of the father's parents. Which I just watched my favorite uncle do on Christmas Eve, 2014. And have watched every one of my aunts and uncles do with each of my cousins. Which you can imagine is a knife in my gut to watch my uneducated, unemployed, unmarried cousins keep having children with parents and men who at least try to help/ don't say their negative thoughts aloud.