OT but I could really use some advice...

[Stormynights]

Hello, I'm 19 and my fiance is only 18 years old. In september, we moved in with his parents in Texas. I am from Oklahoma.

I can't stand his family, his mom is always crying, and is a drama queen, and his little brother who is 9 has sever bipolar disorder, and has threatened to stab several of his family members before. He throws things and hits his siblings and mother. His mother recently kicked us out, saying we needed to be out by the end of the week, but she has taken it back.

I want to go back home with my parents, but he wont come with me. Whenever I talk about leaving, he cries and talks about killing himself. I don't know what to do. I can't stay here, and I don't want to be without him. We've been together for 3 and a half years, it's just so hard. I hate it here, and all I do is sit in our room and cry all day long. I miss my parents, and they would never kick us out, but he refuses to come back with me. I just don't know what to do....

 

[luckybreak]

I would walk out the moment he threatens to kill himself! That's emotional blackmail and very manipulative the whole family sounds like they have mental problems. If he loves you so much that he will kill himself if you leave why won't he follow you? You gotta decide soon this whole I kill myself, brother threatening to kill others, mother in depression and now you crying miserable is not the best thing for baby right now. I am sorry you are going thru this but baby comes first and nutty boyfriend second. You gotta get out of there.

 

[robinator]

^^Very good points! I agree the suicide threat is emotional blackmail; he will NOT kill himself should you leave.... (This is a common threat with teen boys, so please don't think he is the only one who does this and is therefore serious)

Your situation sounds very unsafe, both physically and emotionally, and you need to hightail it out of there. NOW! Don't worry at this point if he comes with you or not...you all can work that out later.

 

[heaven]

Awww, I hope everything works out!

 

[Stormynights]

I know, its ridiculous, I had to wrestle my pocket knife away from him. It's just so hard to leave... I love him with all my heart. I mean he's the father to my baby. He's so sweet sometimes, but if I ever talk about leaving he freaks.

 

[Stormynights]

Oh and the reason why he doesn't want to go with me is because of college. He guilt trips me saying he'll just work at walmart for the rest of his life and we'll be poor. His family has a lot of money and my parents are both high school drop outs who have struggled my whole life. He thinks money buys happiness, and doesn't understand that it doesn't.

 

[ashley_gee89]

Well my advice to you would be.. Be careful.. Sorry but I'd be weary of a guy who'd threaten to kill himself over something so small. In all honesty, you need to do what is best for you and baby, yes he is babys daddy and your long term partner but yourself and baby must come before him.. It sounds to me like if you stay there and this continues you'll end up depressed, not to mention baby being in a seemingly very volatile environment.. It's not good for either of you. If your OH won't move with you, move without him.. If he really loves you, he will follow you.. If he doesn't, you know he was never worth it anyway. I know that's easy for me to say, but please remember, while your carrying your baby, your emotional health is one of the most important things and it sounds to me like you've truly had enough. Sending hugs x

 

[shortybear]

honey, there are colleges all over the US. moving does not mean dropping out...he can transfer his credits (i did this personally several times and i have 2 degrees now)

he just sounds really young and a tad immature...he does/says these things because he knows you will give in and so far it has worked so why wouldnt he continue to use these tactics?

he has to realize that it is time to get over it, grow up, and do what is best for his baby (and not himself). is there no way to comprimise with him? maybe involving him on when you could both move and kinda make it seem like his idea? (remember...if the guy is the head of the household the woman is the neck...she turns the head in the direction she wants)

 

[robinator]

He's understandably upset that you might leave, but his using different threats and guilt trips indicates he's not emotionally ready to be in a stable relationship. And that probably just has to do with his age and therefore lack of enough life skills to deal with things in a more constructive manner.

I know you love him with everything you've got . But staying in this situation really doesn't seem healthy for you and it sounds like you'll have a ton more peace at home with your folks.

Regards to college, they are located all over the country. Can't he check ones out in Oklahoma? I, too, was engaged when I graduated HS (did not work out), but my fiance at the time gave up the college he was going to so he could move to AZ with me, where my college was located.

 

[luckybreak]

You had to wrestle a pocket knife from him? does that sound like a good place to have a baby around? If he freaks out every time you mention leaving then leave when he is out. This is really nuts and I would be afraid to have somebody that emotionally imbalanced or immature around a baby who is going to be screaming, needing full attention and all around will need your 24/7 how is he going to handle all that?