Other People's Prejudices?

[iBeach]

Some people just ,,suck,, ( sorry) but they really do.

I am trying to get pregnant with a donor who I am planning to co-parent with. I am 27 years old, single with no boyfriend, and my donor is gay and in a relationship for 21 years with this parner( he is 47yo) We are just amazing friends, and I believe, that together we are gonna make great parents.

 

[tamzy]

I guess some questions are logical ones, but they still annoy us.... what I'm dreading is going back to america this summer when I'll be 7 months pregnant because I'm sure there will be all kinds of staring and comments about our family...[/QUOTE]

Hold your head up high and don't even dare to think of what others may think or say....

its your precious family and you guys will raise the baby to the best of your ability... Good luck

 

[laurac1988]

Just posted an amusing story on my blog...

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Would appreciate some blog love xxx

 

[chairhugger]

My partner and I live in Singapore but surprisingly while we received some skeptism, no one has been outright nasty yet.

Those people who said that it is unfair to the child who might get teased and yadayada, are gay themselves. Or more precisely, gay women. Haven't heard that from any gay man. Our straight friends tend to be very excited for us. That said, being our straight friends mean that they are open-minded from the beginning.

We do know that people may ask questions, "who is the father", "who is the real mom" etc. Our answers will be:

1) 2 mummies and no father
2) Both are real mummies, no fake mummy here!
3) 2 mummies
4) Both are mummies
5) Donor is not a father
6) Both are mummies!
....
N) 2 mums here, yep

We will repeat ourselves until people understand.

We do expect certain challenges though. We will not hide the fact that we are a lesbian couple raising a child and when our child goes to school, the teachers should deal with us like parents, and not "the mum and aunt". While the school system here can be quite heteronormative, we do know that many teachers are gay themselves. So we'll see.

 

[Nanner2mom]

I don't have a child yet, he/she is still baking, but I do have a lot of experience with prejudice, as Im sure most of us here do. I've thought a lot about the same issues as of late, though our situations are somewhat different, I think. Our child will have 2 mommies. He/She will also have a very involved daddy. I worry about the questions (and the unavoidable nasty responses) that people will have when they see us all out together. When you see us out and about together it quickly becomes obvious that our relationship is "out of the norm" - we frequently hold hands, kiss each other on the cheek, etc. in public. We dont try to force our relationship on others, but we do not attempt to hide it either - honestly, it usually does not even cross our minds until we get a snarky comment or something similar thrown our way - to us, it is completely normal! My main worry is not for us - we can deal with other's meaness and rudeness, but I do wonder how our child will understand and deal with it - or how I will deal with it when and if anything is said to our child. I can only hope that when that time comes, we will be able to guide our child in the right direction and set a good example (read "not throttle the nasty person who dares mess with my family!")

Hey, saw your post and I've lived in a similar type of relationship as you in the past. The couple I was with have 4 children. 2 teenagers( from past relationship) 1 toddler and a couple years later they had another. Anyways, their two older children didn't know we were in an intimate relationship. I took care of the toddler and loved him very much as he did me. Our relationship didn't work out because I'm a lez lol the kids are older now and have caught on to their lifestyle. They are super happy kids and are loved so much by their parents that it doesn't bother them to have 3 people who care for them. As for other people... they'll always judge what they don't understand. Just be confident in who u are and in your relationship and your baby will do the same

 

[IGoToSleep]

Very interesting thread ladies.

My wife and I are expecting our first baby. I am 11 weeks and 6 days pregnant at present.

So far, touch wood, we haven't had any seriously bigoted comments. We have had a lot of 'Who is the Daddy?'...'What will you tell your kid when they ask who their Dad is?'...etc, but nothing really out there.

We echo very much what many of you are saying here. As far as we're concerned our child will have two parents, my wife and I. They will be very much loved...and we'll always be open and honest with them if and when they ask, but in our mind they don't have a 'Daddy'. They have a lovely donor, who gave us the best gift possible...the gift of life...something we could never have had alone (as sad as that makes us all), but he was and never will be the Dad. He is a great guy...and we can never thank him enough, and if our child really feels strongly about knowing who he is and one day meeting him, we will support that...but we're going to raise our child with two Mums and no Dad, and we won't be referring to him as the Dad. It just doesn't seem right...!

I'm quite sure we'll meet someone, somewhere with their own opinions...and sadly, as these people often do, they will feel the need to voice them, and challenge our life. But...I will, and always have, hold my head high.

None of us have to answer to anyone...we were born this way, and we have EVERY RIGHT to share the love we have with our own little bundles of joy.

Just because people don't understand it doesn't mean it's not right.

xx

 

[Hangin_On_AGS]

I may not be a ssp but our family structure is different we'll call it. but when I get worried about whether my child will be bullied or not for our differences. I watch this video and it gives me the confidence that if I don't worry about it and just concentrate on raising the best kid that this could be my kid.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLnn96n3Lpg

 

[tinkerbelle93]

Hi there, I'm not part of a same-sex couple but noticed the thread on prejudices.. I just wanted to point out that when it comes to parenting and babies a lot of us face rude comments and judgement.

I'm 19 (though look even younger than that) and I get a lot of comments and judgement from people when I'm out and about with the baby, I also notice people looking at me, it makes me really nervous about going out . I was on the train and someone asked 'how old is he?' about Oliver then turned to me and said 'You're a bit young to have a baby aren't you?' How rude! But when you think about not only do people judge young mothers and make assumptions, but people will also call older mothers selfish for waiting until later life, single mothers are also among those who get judged.. there is just no winning when it comes to parenting

As someone has said it should be in one ear and out the other, you and your child are all that will matter and you know that you will be an awesome parent so just ignore narrow-minded, prejudice people and get on with it xx

 

[Mafi419]

I'm glad I found this thread. I thought I was the only one thinking about this. Me and my wife decided to leave my country (Portugal) for several reasons, but for me one of the main reasons was prejudice. I can take care of myself. I'll stand up for me and my wife anytime, any day, but I don't want my children to experience some of the things I have. Most people in my country don't really mean to do harm, but they are completely oblivious to their borders and rudeness. They assume that, because I'm out, they have the right to ask me (or say) anything at all, and that I have an obligation to politely answer them. Sometimes I get the feeling they think I should be grateful that they talk to me about it. Things like, trying to apply for a credit card, and giving a feminine name when asked the name of my spouse, followed by "But are you really married? Can you do that here? I thought you had to go to Spain!". Or telling my gym teacher that I have to leave early because my wife is waiting outside, and having to answer all his very confused and amused questions about my personal life and how I came out to myself. Or having my University colleagues telling me "Don't worry, I'm sure you will be able to find a man someday" or "You don't look gay, just keep hanging with us and you will find a man!".
I decided to move because I wanted to start a family, and I didn't want my kids to have to experience things like this. People coming up to me, their other mummy or them, and asking them all sorts of private and insulting questions. I'm pretty sure people would have the guts to ask them things like "wouldn't you like to have a daddy?" and things like this.

And I've been experience some prejudice from my family and they don't even realize it. My grandmother suggested, in front of my wife, that I should meet someone and just "do...the thing that makes babies, just once" because it would be easier...
My father told me that he thinks this is unnatural and that he is afraid the baby won't be normal (his words).
Even my wife did something weird. She asked me if we could tell her mother that I would be implanted with both mine and her eggs, so that her mother couldn't know for sure that the biological mother is me, and not her. She immediately realized how insulting that request was, but she is just too afraid her mother won't love the child as she would her biological grandchild.

Things seem pretty simple to me. Why don't they get it?