Our angel is gone 26 weeks

[mama2connor]

There's nothing anyone says or does will make it any better. Just want to let you know i'm thinking of you and your angel.

 

[imissmybabyja]

I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I dont understand science and nor do I understand fate.

I pasted this in another thread. I went through a second trimester loss as well.

I was 18 weeks pregnant until 04/21. I felt labor contractions the afternoon before. I felt it through the night. Was told it could be stretching pains. At 4:30am, I went to the bathroom and so dark blood in my discharge. I panicked and went to the ER. They checked my baby and we saw it waving. They said all looked ok. That the bleeding was from a polyp in my cervix and it shouldn't affect the baby. They didn't know what caused my pain. Said it could be muscular pain. I went home but called my doc. Told him my pain continued and I would like to see a Maternal Fetal Care specialist. Baby was fine again. The measurements all looked good but they too couldn't figure I was having pain. I asked them if there was a way to check if it were contractions. They said they didn't have the equipment for it. They also thought it was ligament pains. I went home thinking I am so silly. Why couldn't I bear some stretching pains. So I bore and bore until I was in tears. I called the doc again and he said it could be a bladder infection and he was going to prescribe antibiotics. This was at 6pm. Then he asked "are you crying?" I said "yes". He said take a Tylenol and if the pain doesn't subside in an hr go to the ER. I debated taking the Tylenol thinking if it's stretching pains I will bear it. I will do anything for my baby. At 6:15pm my water broke. I knows it was my water and not any clot since it didn't have any blood. My husband said it can't be water. Baby is going to be fine. I called the doc to let him know. And the answering service asked me "what's wrong"... I said "my water broke@... She said "listen your water doesn't break at 18 weeks"... I got upset and said "pls connect me with my doc he knows my case. She said "don't give me attitude". I went to the ER and I felt I wet my pants again. I asked the doc "did my water break?" He said "let's check" and then said "u r having a miscarriage, the process has begun". I delivered my baby at 7:30. And then they took me in the operating room to remove my placenta. I came to know I had a baby boy. I did a burial for him. I miss him in me. I miss being pregnant. When I saw milk in my breasts it hurt emotionally. Everyone expects me to move on. That it was bad luck/fate. Perhaps it was. But I am not able to move on. I want to be pregnant again but something in my heart tells me this was it. I am 34 years old, will be 35 in a few mths. Perhaps I am not healthy. Perhaps I don't deserve a second chance. Perhaps it was Gods way of letting me know that?

 

[sethsmummy]

 

[meli1981]

I am so very sorry for your loss

 

[DebooD]

I am so sorry this happened.
I lost my baby last week at 23w+2d, I was scheduled for hospital admission and total care in just 3 days(in line with the 24 week viability rule).
But I went into labor and ruptured my membranes.
It is the most helpless feeling. It is the darkest place I have ever been.

Here's what I feel.
I was supposed to protect my baby but I couldn't do anything.
I feel guilty eating food.
I fear being alone
I can't concentrate on anything else, I have so many questions. Why me?
Baby was alive for 4 hours and I had to arrange for the funeral. That day was excruciating, really.
Here's how I am dealing with it.

Why me?
Its not just me. This is happening to more people than I know. ever since my friends know what has happened, I now know that at least 30% of them have had the same thing, some even more than once. But they went on to have healthy pregnancies.
However it hurts, I feel better when I tell myself, I'm not greater than God, I'm not greater than nature, I trust this happened for a reason, however painful it is, I wouldn't want my baby live in any kind of pain.

I feel Guilty
Again I tell myself, I'm only human, I did whatever I could, but I am not God. There have been things all over in my life that I couldn't control.
So why should I punish myself.

I can't eat-
Again I say, I did nothing wrong. I will eat for myself, for my future. I will eat and try to be happy. My family needs me. And I am precious.

My baby's face flashes in front of me-
I say, God give him my all my Love, give him Peace. I try to change my thoughts to something more positive. Like maybe my future, maybe everything will be fine next time. I also move to a sunny place immediately.

I fear being alone-
Currently, I am avoiding being alone for more than a few minutes. I am sharing my thoughts on the internet. This is all helping me get heard. I am heavily relying on my loved ones and my friends. Please get heard.

Here's my plan for the next few weeks-

Get back to my routine
Pray/ Chant/ meditate everyday
Spend time in the sun
Start going for walks with a friend, or join a Yoga class. I have heard Yoga is helpful in depression
Start trying to put things behind me and tell myself I am going to move on
Spend some time with my husband, maybe go out on a date to a noisy place. And I will dress up.
I have put away all my maternity clothes and things that trigger those memories away in a box. I will only look at it all after 1 year
Get tired enough so I get a good night's sleep
Trying to do things that I like, eat food that I like
Taking all my vitamins
I also had breastmilk for a week, that would drive me sad too. I put cold compress and now its out of my sight at least, not leaking anymore.

I can't underestimate this pain, it is tragic.
But I MUST get out of it, anyway I can. For my good and the good of everyone around me.

Please keep expressing yourself.
I'll be right here for you.