Over 40, TTC and coping with Depression

[heavenly]

Hi ladies

Need some advice really. I am 44, almost 45, and me and OH (34) have been trying for almost 2 years. We have both had tests and things are fine. 4 months ago I started getting anxiety attacks then depression, I am on a low dose anti depressant, the anxiety has subsided though I still get low moods occasionally. GP wants to up my dose slightly in the new year if my moods don't improve. It made me sad that she started mentioning fostering and adopting to me, it made me feel that the door had been slammed firmly shut with me TTC.

So, baby making has gone on the back burner since falling ill, which obviously is making my depression worse. Sometimes I feel like we should still go for it, and on my good, positive days, that is how I feel. But if I am having a low day, I just don't know how I would cope with pregnancy if it should happen. I don't know what to do for the best as I don't have a lot of time left.

 

[HappyAuntie]

Welcome, Heavenly. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it. I have a long history of depression myself, so I truly know how you feel. Depression alone can lower your odds of getting pregnant, so it's important to go ahead and treat it. There are pregnancy-safe anti-depressants, so as long as your GP knows you want to get pregnant and is prescribing a safe dose for you, I'd go ahead with upping the dose. Counseling can also be extremely effective for both depression and anxiety, though - have you tried it? I actually prefer counseling to the medication myself. And a combination approach of counseling and anti-depressants is often more effective than either on its own. Journaling has also been particularly helpful for me in recent years - it allows me to get my dark thoughts out of my head - I can put them on paper and leave them there instead of allowing them to spiral out of control inside my head.

As for time, frankly, as long as you're having periods you can get pregnant, so try not to let the dr's words get you too down.

The important thing is that you're seeking help. Keep getting out there, even when you don't want to. It will get better - I promise.

 

[TaeBoMama]

Heavenly--I like HappyAuntie's advice. I'd like to add that exercising can have a very positive affect. If you don't already, consider taking up some form of exercise. A combination of Yoga and cardio can have many benefits on depression and fertility. Time is of the essence, if having a baby is something you're sure you want, then you should be working toward that goal. I'll be praying for you!

 

[BBgirl]

hey heavenly, I'm in the same boat, 41, nearly 42, 2 miscarriages and chronic anxiety/deression since my early 20s. I agree with TaeboMama that exercise has been a life-saver for me. I am not naturally sporty but since taking up daily walking I can say it's boosted me enough to keep going. It has proven benefits for mild to moderate depression, and works as well as an anti-d by increasing blood flow to the brain and boosting your endorphins. The other thing I've started recently which has helped is taking a supplement called Eskimo-3, liquid form, 7 mls a day. It's a very high quality omega-3 and studies have shown that people who take 1000mg a day of the EPA form of omega-3 have improvement of their depression, even when they have depression that doesn't respond well to meds. I can say it's given me about a 50% improvement in my symptoms, I am still down but it's helped mainly with the anxiety component, so I don't have the severe health phobias any more. You can order it online or get it at a really good herbal shop. Also it's really good for prenatal for baby's development, so you won't have to worry about that. The other thing I was wondering about is have you considered IVF with blastocyst screening? I have discovered you can get it in Manchester, it's good for older women because they actually test the embryos and only return the ones with normal chromsomes back in to the woman. I'm going to ring up about it today. I think it has a much higher success rate. xxx

 

[heavenly]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I have been feeling rough re depression for the past month so my next appointment is 30 Dec. I think I need to up from 20mg to 30mg but have a family wedding on 28 Jan so was thinking of waiting til after that, in case I get any side effects, but the way I am feeling at the mo, don't think I can wait that long.

We have decided to keep trying, I don't want to regret anything. Vitamins I am taking for the nervous system

B Complex (this includes folic acid)
Vit C
Vit D
Omega 3 Fish Oils
Inositol

I am taking Royal Jelly, supposed to be good for your eggs apparently. I don't drink or smoke.

We can't afford IVF unfortunately and obviously I am too old to have it on the NHS.

I have been going to counselling since the anxiety and depression which is a help, I also go out for long walks every day. I think the time of year doesn't help either.

I just need to get on the right dose as I have been on Citalopram for 8 weeks now and only felt ok for 2 of those weeks.

 

[seaview24]

hi heavenly just wanted to say hi im 43 ttc again after last yr loss & mcthis yr i know wat u mean about time being on r side .i cant afford ivf either,im having accupuncture now.gd luck ttc.sue.

 

[BBgirl]

Heavenly is your omega-3 the correct dose for depression? Apparently the studies which showed a difference had EPA 1000mg per day prescribed. More or less of it seemed to be less helpful, 1000mg is optimal. If not, try to get the correct dose. Apparently if that doesn't help, after taking the combined EPA/DHA type at the correct dose for 3 months then it's worth switching to one called PuraEPA (it's pure EPA alone). This helps some people who are not responding to the combination type because some people the DHA blocks the absorption of the EPA and it's the EPA which has the anti-depressant effect. Some scientists believe the combined one is fine, others believe the pure EPA is much better for depression, so it's trial and error. The Eskimo-3 helped me, but only when I got on the correct dose (1000mg EPA). Acupuncture is meant to help fertility, plus royal jelly/bee pollen with the extra bee pollen from Apitherapy UK is getting good reports. I rang them and ordered it. Fresh works better than capsules so they say.

If you are having regular cycles, never say never, pregnancy can still happen if you are timing it perfectly every month, but don't bd every day, every other day is better for couples who are having difficulty TTC (NICE guidelines not just an old wive's tale). Make sure you are the correct weight and switch all semi-skimmed and skimmed milk products to full-fat, have 2 portions daily. It helps regulate ovulation (Harvard Uni research).

A week before you expect to ovulate bd every other day. Don't rely only on ovulation tests, you may be doing the bd too late then. Also try evening primrose oil, 3000mg daily from first day of your period to ovulation, stop at ovulation. It worked wonders this month for me, I went from having only 1 day of egg-white mucus to 4, I couldn't believe it! Plus it really helped me time the bd because I know to start as soon as the egg-white comes and do it every 2 days. Whereas when I only had 1 day it was impossible to time. The EWCM is much better than normal mucus for conception and too many people rely on the opk's alone, whereas they are missing out on the bd 1-2 days before the smiley face. It works for some people to use opks but not everyone.

 

[heavenly]

hi heavenly just wanted to say hi im 43 ttc again after last yr loss & mcthis yr i know wat u mean about time being on r side .i cant afford ivf either,im having accupuncture now.gd luck ttc.sue.

Hi there Sue, I wish you loads of luck on your journey, PM me anytime. Us mature ladies need to stick together. xx

 

[heavenly]

BBGirl - thank you so much for your detailed reply. I am taking NutriCare 600mg Omega 3 Fish Oils at the mo, so I could up that. I do have Evening Primrose Oil knocking about somewhere so I could take that for when you suggested. My best friend is due any day now, actually 27 Dec so it must be soon, she is 41 and was ttc for 2 years, she is in Copenhagen for a year so we are Skyping! I take positivity from her journey. It actually helps my depression knowing we are still going to try, I thought it would have the adverse affect, make me more anxious etc...but it doesn't, it makes me feel more positive, even though I know there is only a slim chance.

 

[BBgirl]

hi heavenly, you're welcome! It's essential you take 1000mg of the EPA part of the omega 3, i.e. not just 1000mg fish oil. The total dose will be higher because it includes the DHA. Make sure you take the triglyceride form not the esther form. Check it out on the bottle or with the supplier. It's important, I didn't get better with the ester but feel so much better with the natural TG form. Also I only increased my dose to this a few days ago and I feel the difference, I'm laughing a lot more and feel much more relaxed, I can't believe it! I can really recommend Eskimo-3 oil, it's the purest form on the market so I understand (don't quote me though). I've heard acupuncture really helps fertility too. Also, please could you ask your friend what she did differently the month she conceived at 41 after 2 years of trying, we can learn from one another's wisdom. Also, did I mention I was exercising regularly for 2 months before I conceived each time in 2008 and 2009, and I don't usually exercise, I'm totally with you on this TaeBoMama.

 

[heavenly]

Thanks BBgirl, I have ordered some Eskimo 3 Oil off Amazon. xx

 

[BBgirl]

Fantastic heavenly! It tastes odd but just have milk or juice after to take the taste away. I'd recommend you take 7mls a day, get a syringe or measuring spoon from your chemist. Take it with food for best absorption. This gives you the optimal dose for depression and anxiety. It takes about 3-4 weeks for you to notice the calm feeling, 3 months for optimal improvement. I took the wrong dose for ages til I discovered the correct dose and increasing it to 7mls has helped me. Also aim to increase your omega 3 in your diet: omega-3 enriched eggs, oily fish. Brain food!

If you can walk every day for 30 mins this too makes a huge difference. A light box helps me too, it cost me £100 from Androv-Medical, I use it for an hour every morning when I am on the internet. It gives you bright light which boosts your mood in the winter. Can you plan a couple of treats/visits to look forward to also? Is there somewhere you've always wanted to go, can you go there this year? Spending time with my cats helps me too, we're thinking of getting a pug (a little dog that looks like ET) to boost my mood too. Also we're both thinking to start acupuncture soon. Anything that boosts you will boost your fertility too. Keep us all posted how you get on!

 

[BBgirl]

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[heavenly]

Thanks for all that advice, very kind of you. I am on 25mg Citalopram which seems to be the right dose for me. Counselling is also going well. I like to walk every day, if I can, and I am trying to get up to the gym more. I have a cat, I know what you mean, it is a comfort having her. I read self help books and am looking to change my job as it is not fulfulling enough for me, so might do some courses. It was my birthday yesterday and we had a lovely day, lunch in Chichester and looking round the shops. I agree, I try and make sure I have things to look forward to, it really works!

Mornings are the worst time for me as I usually have a night sweat due to the Citalopram, so don't wake up feeling too refreshed, so I try and make sure I get straight up and start thinking positive about the day ahead!

The vitamins I am taking for depression and TTC are:

B Complex (which includes folic acid)
D
C
Royal Jelly
Evening Primrose Oil

I have got Eskimo 3 Oil with Vitamin E, they are capsules not liquid, it says to take 1-3 a day, with food.

Omega 3 fatty acids - 500 mg

of which

EPA - 240mg (so 3 tablets a day would be 720mg)
DHA - 160mg

Vitamin E - 4.5mg

Thank you for your advice, hope you are well today. xx