Overtired, overstimulated 4 month olds..help!

[Deux]

My babies are used to me taking them from one thing to another all day...they are not settled doing any 1 thing. I'll try tummy time, they've always hated it...3 minutes later I'll have a screamer...we'll sit up in the bumbo with some toys, that doesn't work for long...rocking, swinging, jumparoo time, reading, singing, mobile. Nothing works for more than a couple minutes and they are unhappy again. They are not hungry or wet,, they do not have anything obviously wrong, they just NEVER settle down. I'm going crazy, I feel like I'm a circus act for them!

I know they are overstimulated, they are extremely difficult to get to nap, and their naps are short. I've tried keeping the curtains closed, tv off, no radio...tried white noise...tried letting them try to settle themselves. They work themselves up into a screaming duo.

How do I break this cycle? Help!

 

[tanzarini]

Haha this made me chuckle- I've been going through the same thing with my b/g twins who are just over 3 months!! Ive found that they get less unsettled on weekdays when they have been in the pram twice a day taking their sister to and from school. I think the fresh air does them good. Perhaps you could try a daily walk with them in the pram? Just a suggestion

 

[Deux]

Maybe fresh air would do them some good, I'm sure it would do me some good too! It's quite cold outside right now at only 14 degrees F....and it's quite difficult to push through the snow, but it can be done! I'll give it a try!

Yesterday I was so desperate for some peace that we just drove up and down the drive for 40 minutes. That made them sleep

 

[tanzarini]

Desperate times call for desperate measures!! I know the feeling well! Hope they settle down for you soon

 

[lizziedripping]

Hi hun. I totally sympathise, and yes, you are right, your babies are overtired. They should be getting 3/4 hours of good quality sleep during the day at this age, broken up into 3 naps.

It is really difficult to advise people about sleep patterns for babies over the internet, but I can give it a try if you want to PM me with their exact daily routine. Once you get their sleep schedule nailed, you'll have two very happy, contented babies, and a much more peaceful day. Their night time sleeping will improve too. Basic rule of thumb - sleep breeds sleep, and the less they have, the more difficult they'll become. They just need help to self-soothe hun, and it is easier than you might think. I learnt this the hard way with my first, and would love to help prevent other mums going thru the same if I can xxx

 

[bek74]

Your right, they are over stimulated and over tired.

Mine have about 45min nap in the morning, about 3-4hrs middle of day and about 30min in the afternoon (usually doing school run) and mine sleep through from about 7ish to 5:30 with a dream feed at 10pm.

You just can't run to them everytime they cry, your going to have to let em scream it out other wise you setting another pattern. I cry mum comes.
I had to do it with mine as I am very busy most mornings with 3 other boys and school stuff, I used to just call out to them so they knew I was there. It lasted a couple of days but now they don't even whinge and if they do, it is now for a reason (done poop etc).

I know it is hard to listen to them crying, it pulls our heart strings and gets my blood pumping I hate it, but it needed to be done cause my boys were getting to school late and were coming home with " please explain notes" and were missing out on important school messages at Form class, it was getting out of hand.
It was hard on us all listening to em, but we laugh about it now and thank ourselves for just doing it.

Lizzie has a natural gift with routine and self soothing techiques (she should write a book) so please make the time to PM her your whole day to day routine, feeding times, amount they are fed, age , weights and leave it in her hands, I am sure she will come up with something that works for you.

All the best.

 

[Deux]

Thanks ladies....I have been trying to let them cry today although I'm not sure what I'm doing.

I really feel like a crap mom because Liam has bad exzema and him getting upset seems to be a trigger for flare ups. He has to wear gloves 24/7 because he scratches so bad..one of his gloves fell off last night and he really went to it and he has bloody scratch marks eveywhere on his head and some on his face. He has had swollen lymph nodes since he was 9 weeks old, the Dr. says it is connected to the exzema but he has never had a fever or anything, so no need for further treatment. I think I may get a second opinion because I would hate to make him cry if he is sick. His brother, however, is fine, and still evey bit as fussy.

I will PM you! Thanks

 

[bek74]

Thanks ladies....I have been trying to let them cry today although I'm not sure what I'm doing.

I really feel like a crap mom because Liam has bad exzema and him getting upset seems to be a trigger for flare ups. He has to wear gloves 24/7 because he scratches so bad..one of his gloves fell off last night and he really went to it and he has bloody scratch marks eveywhere on his head and some on his face. He has had swollen lymph nodes since he was 9 weeks old, the Dr. says it is connected to the exzema but he has never had a fever or anything, so no need for further treatment. I think I may get a second opinion because I would hate to make him cry if he is sick. His brother, however, is fine, and still evey bit as fussy.

I will PM you! Thanks

I wouldn't let Liam scream if it flares his exzema, he would be itchy and in discomfort, I think you will need to see another doctor or a skin specialist, as for his brother well maybe a little self teaching can apply to him. I am with you and would not be comfortable letting my son scream if it make hi worse or was crying due to pain and discomfort.

Wishing you all the best...

 

[heyyady]

My daughter was an over stimulated fuss budget- there was nothing to do BUT teach her to self soothe- it was heartbreaking, but eventually worked. For about an hour before bedtime we had a warm bath with lavender in it- warm milk bottle- soft music- candle light- whispers-
So sorry to hear about your little one's exzema! does an oatmeal bath help sooth him?

 

[Laura2919]

I'm honestly going to admit something here.. It doesnt actually bother me that much hearing my girls cry because I know the difference. They arent hurt or needing anything its just that they want it. The only way to get them settled is to be firm.
Give them cuddles and attention but when its nap time its just that. When Jaycee was a baby she used to want to be rocked and for a while I did until I thought I have things to do also and I cant sit here and rock her for two hours. So I let her cry it out and its the best thing I did. Now my two settle themselves, they go to bed awake and they fall asleep without needing anything apart from a dummy.

They should be having regular naps..

 

[TwoBumps]

I'd try getting out and about with them if you can. I always used to find that me & the boys would be narky and irritable if we didn't get out at least once a day!! I used to take them for a walk, to a baby group or just to the supermarket, anything to get out and to give them some fresh air and stimulation that I wasn't providing!!

For my two doing this in the morning always seemed best and then they would be tired and have a good nap after lunch ) in fact, we still do this now on a Friday when I am not at work, and when we get home they have lunch and sleep for 2/3 hours

 

[Deux]

Yes getting out of the house sure does help. I live a very inconvenient lifestyle though, as I live 40 miles from the nearest town with a grocery store. I do try to take them out in the car and just drive around, or in the stroller. It works for the moment, but then we come home and it's the same thing.

I really don't see any other way then letting them cry. It's so so so hard for me but I can't keep doing this or I'm going to go insane. Plus they are still crying when I cater to their every whim, it's just in short bursts instead of a drawn out cry. It does break my heart because I know all they really want is for me to hold them.

 

[Laura2919]

Definitely if its the way forward or your gonna wear yourself out.

 

[Deux]

Well, I thought I was getting somewhere but I'm not. It's been 3 hours that I've been trying to get them to sleep and I'm desperate. I'm finding myself getting angry and I HATE MYSELF for feeling that way toward babies!!!!!! I would never hurt them so please don't interpret it that way, I'm just understaffed and outnumbered and I'm at my wits end;;;;they are crying right now because there is nothing left that I can do for them! I have no help, I am alone taking care of them and have been since the beginning. My husband comes home after work but he has a million other things to do and I get maybe an hour a day "without" the babies, although they are in the next room.

What does it take to get these babies to sleep???????? I have not turned on the tv in 3 days thinking it was overstimulating them. I only have a couple activities for them now because I don't want to overstimulate them...I'm trying to put them down or rock them or whatever at first signs of tiredness. I've let them cry some but they throw themselves into a full blown panic and I don't think it's oK to let a 4 month old be in that state for long periods of time! They do not settle down!

 

[tanzarini]

Ok, first of all when you get to your wits end you need to take yourself away from them for 5 mins. Make sure they are in a safe place and go into another room, calm down then go back to them. They will be able to sense when you are worked up. I can totally relate to how you are feeling- I'm a single parent to my 3 month old twins and 7 year old!! Dad is in their lives but I don't have day-to-day help. It sounds like you need a break, a proper one for a few hours to have some time for yourself. I know circumstances may make this hard, but it will work wonders believe me.
As for the babies, do they have dummies? Mine need one in order to sleep during the day, my boy also has a comfort blanket now, he just wants something soft to hold. When mine cry I try to resist picking them up straight away (unless something is actually wrong). You could maybe set yourself a time-limit for how long you let them cry. I know it's hard to listen to them cry, but as long as you make sure there is nothing actually wrong they will come to no harm. Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind :-o

 

[Deux]

Thanks.........I was able to get out of the house yesterday for about 2 hours which was amazing. But then this morning I wasn't quite sure how I was going to do it all again...and here we are, doing the same thing. They spit out dummies Liam likes to suck his thumb but he has to wear gloves because he digs at his head. I took them to their room for nap and laid with them. They got very drowsy but then started crying and it escalated so I left the room. Made it about 5 minutes of screaming until my husband came up and picked Layne up. So that turned into a disagreement as well. Now he is rocking both babies in the living room. Must admit it is nice to have quiet but I have to do this alone when he goes to work. I'm trying to make a more strict schedule...how long do you let babies of this age cry? Yesterday they went on and off for about an hour before they finally got exhausted and I nursed them to sleep. I tried nursing them 3 times before that as well and it didn't work.

 

[Aunty E]

Couple of things you might have tried, but worth mentioning just in case - is it possible your little boy's skin flare ups might also be worsened by something in your diet? My littlest brother was lactose intolerant, which caused projectile vomiting and agonising tummy aches, but also skin rashes and scaly patches which cracked and bled. My mum found that she could nurse him so long as she avoided too much dairy in her diet. I don't know what you're eating (sounds like you barely have time!) but might be an idea to keep it very bland to see if it will help. Second, the only way we got Imogen to nap was by bouncing her in her vibrating bouncy chair in a quiet room while avoiding eye contact. I used to read while I bounced the thing with my foot until she was asleep, then I could sneak away. I really feel for you, I could at least let Mog grizzle without waking up anybody else.

 

[tanzarini]

I'm glad you got a little break mine sleep in their rocker/bouncy chairs during the daytime, and I did the same as Aunty E. As soon as I knew they needed a nap I popped them in and rocked them with my feet until they were settled. Now I dont need to rock them, they will settle themselves as long as I don't fuss them too much. Maybe you could hold one and rock the other? That's something I've done too, put the least fussy one in their chair, keeping the other quiet on my knee. When the first one settles, then settle the other. It's hard to say how long to leave them to cry for, if it's just whinging and there is nothing actually wrong then I would just let them scream for a while. If anything it will tire them out.

I don't know much about nursing as I bottle feed mine. I assume they are feeding well?? There are so many reasons they might not be settling :-/ trial and error is your best bet I'm afraid!

 

[Deux]

Sorry to keep bumping this thread as I know it's old news, lol. Thanks ladies for your responses. I've actually taken dairy and soy completely out of my diet, has been out for many weeks. At first I thought it helped with the eczema but now I don't think it has. He is in the middle of a bad flare up right now and nothing seems to help. I have gotten them to nap, but unfortunately, only if I am rocking both together...so I am stuck in the chair and can't move the entire time they sleep. Sometimes if I am lucky one will fall asleep in the swing, but usually they cry in the swing. I just watch tv for 40 minutes while they sleep, lol.

NIght has become very difficult, and before it was good. Liam has to sleep with me the entire night, or else no one sleeps. I cannot set him down without screaming, and I mean screaming, not crying. I am not willing to let him scream; mostly because I know he is uncomfortable because of the eczema. I am also wondering if they are starting to teeth..I know 4.5 months is a little early, but they are drooling a ton and chewing on everything. They go through about 3 soaked bibs per day.

It has been hard but instead of freaking out I have changed my attitude...this is only a short period in their/my life, it won't last forever. I have become more patient and it has helped them and me...they are happier and so am I.

 

[chetnaz]

Oh hun it sounds like you are having such a rough time! I wish there's something I could suggest, but it seems like you've pretty much tried everything. At 4.5 months it is difficult as you're not really meant to do the whole "controlled crying" till 6 months if I'm not mistaken. And if you are anything like me, even at 6 months I find it hard to let them cry for too long. We were doing great, but the boys have started really playing up again (probably my fault as I don't let them cry for too long and rush in trying to settle them as soon as they stir), really screaming if I let them cry and will only settle again, if I stroke/pat them to sleep. I think you have got the right attitude though - it is for a short period of their/your life and it won't last forever, so hang in there. I truly hope that things start improving for you and if you ever need to just vent, you know where to find me. I'm sure we'll catch each other on FB again soon and we'll have a good chat. Take care hun xx